I awoke this morning to the weather forecast. Not typically the way I like to be woken up, but that’s beside the point. The nice lady said that there would be a chance of snow and freezing rain. Hoo boy, that’s easily my favorite combination. Right up there with fire and brimstone.
So I fumble through my morning routine, shower, shave, brush the teeth, let out the dog, put various items of clothing on (I really wish those last two were in reverse order), etc. I seem to notice a nice layer of snow on everything. That’s good, because snow makes everything look pretty.
A car drives by on the street in front of my house. The tires are making that “Hey! I’m driving on slush!” sound. Okay, I can deal with that as well. The weather is fairly temperate, and I imagine the snow is just melting on the street.
Then I actually walk outside, and reach an arm out to catch a few snowflakes, to judge the consistency. That’s when I notice that its not really snow that is snowing. Its weather diarrhea. This precipitation is actual slush being poured out of the sky by a giant asshole that hates me. It is by far the crappiest weather in meteorological history. Its cold, wet, messy, crappy and bad. Not to mention quite slippery.
The point at which I noticed that it was slippery was precisely .8 seconds after I fell on my ass on the way to the car. Ahhh, beautiful northern Indiana…
This is the reason I have sworn that I will never, ever, ever live on the windward side of any of the Great Lakes. Not Western MI, nor Northern IN, nor Cleveland nor Buffalo nor Rochester. Never. Give me the leeward side.
Unless, of course, the wind starts going against the prevailing, in which case I’m screwed. <sigh>
Having lived in Valpo for three years, I feel your pain. At least here in Wisconsin it’s usually cold enough by now that we get the pure snow instead of the mixed crap.
IIRC, somewhere in Cecil’s archive you will find mention that he considers the weather in Portage, IN the worst in the nation. (It’s also home to illustrator Slug, I believe).
But Connor, living where you do you benefit from the best phone service provider in the world: Ameritech! That should take your mind of the yucky snow.
This is my first winter in Chicago, so be assured “weather diarrhea” has now permanently entered my vocabulary, thanks to you.
Actually, it’s not technically “winter” for almost another month. Right now it’s still autumn. Sigh…
magdalene, you must have read my pit thread, Ameritech.
Yes, Portage has bad weather. AND, they’re closer to Gary, which is never good. I cannot wait until I move to Indy. December 20th can’t arrive fast enough.
If great big steaming piles of poo was more akin to crappy aweful slush crap, South Bend would be the great big steaming piles of poo capital of the world.
Oh yes, Connor, I read it. Not like I needed to - I too am an irate Ameritech “customer” who went without phone service for the first month I lived in my apartment.
I have a bad weather story. My friend has to drive out to the suburban clinic once a week. Took him about 20 minutes last Monday, I think it was. Parked car, left window down, as he is a fresh-air freak (car in garage). Looked out window later…blizzard. He lives in Buffalo. End of appointments, goes out to car, tries to raise window. Servo shot. 11 hours home thru over 2 feet of snow, holding cardboard up against window.
Real kick in head? He goes to clinic once a week, spends the rest of his time in the hospital. The hospital is 2 blocks from his co-op…
