I don’t see why not. The kid says he will continue to do pot when he wants to. She doesn’t want him to and wants to know if he does. We don’t really know what the mother’s reasons are as they aren’t indicated in the article. Only the kids side of the story is.
Parents are allowed to make reasonable (note I didn’t say rational) rules that their kids must follow. If they don’t there are consequences. In this case the mother doesn’t feel she can trust her son to follow the rules she set. Even the son wonders what his mother should do:
It doesn’t look like he is smoking pot to protest its illegality or because he has glaucoma, but just because he wants to. When he is 18 and out of the house he can then do whatever he wants. While living at home I guess he has to follow a few rules and one of them, it seems, is not to do illegal drugs, something easily accomplished by said kid.
Good for her, but just because she wants to know something doesn’t mean she gets to search his body to find the answer. He’s a human being, not a fucking cabinet.
Did he ask to live in that home or follow those rules? No. It is therefore unreasonable to subject him to such invasive measures to find out whether he’s following them.
Yes he is a human being. See, human beings can make choices. One of them is to listen to your mother and not do drugs when she tells you to do so when you live in her house.
No he didn’t ask to live in that house. But he is 17, not 7. He can move out. I had joined the army by the time I was 17, so I really have little sympathy for his predicament.
Yes, he sure can choose to do what she says - or he can choose not to. Either way, he still deserves the same basic dignity as anyone else. He doesn’t forfeit the right not to have his body invaded just because he doesn’t follow his mother’s rules.
So, because he’s choosing to continue his education instead of following in your footsteps, you don’t mind that his mom thinks he’s a piece of property to be searched at her whim?
Certainly. Pee in the toilet bowl, or pee in the cup. Hmmm… No body violation there that I can see. Jab a needle into your arm is another matter entirely, of course. We cross the reasonable line there, I’d think.
Hey, If I’m paying for his education then he will damn well listen to my wishes. If he doesn’t like it then I’m sure that there are many people out there who would pay the freight for lil’ junior here.
It is quite simple: Mom doesn’t want the kid to do drugs whether because they are illegal or dangerous (in her eyes). He says he will continue to do so. She is taking measures to assure that he doesn’t. Are those measure illegal? Nope. Is his entirely voluntary pot smoking activities illegal? Yep. So, why shouldn’t Mom do what she thinks is necessary to stop her minor child from doing things she thinks could harm him? Would you object to her taking his bike away from him if he refused to wear a helmet? Should she trust that he won’t ride the bike when she isn’t watching or put a lock on it to make sure.
Once the little darling reaches 18 then he can smoke crack or pot or drink himself silly to his hearts content… unless mom puts some caveats to the money he gets for college. In which case as an adult he can choose what he values more - getting high, or an education.
Nothing in words, but listening to her cry after my alcoholic drunken father beat her told me quite a bit. I don’t drink alcohol and I don’t do drugs. Never have, never will. Simple pointed lesson really.
I’ll explain myself, and again, I was not trying to be an asshole and disrepsectuful to your personal experiences. I was referring to this fourth quote.
Look, I’m not here to say that parents shouldn’t have expectations of their children. I guess my point is that the government has created a false paranoia about the dangers of marijuana. Sure, some people can get sucked down into the bowels of the bong and become waste-oids. This also applies to videogames, sports, sex, food, etc. Others, like this kid seems to be saying, can use pot and maintain a productive lifestyle. There are bigger battles to fight when you’re trying to raise kids. If it’s not a problem, don’t turn it into one.
I can’t imagine what kind of freaky childhood you must’ve had if you don’t see anything wrong with a mother demanding her son’s pee.
Uh huh. And if your employer’s paying for your health insurance, I suppose you’d listen to all of his wishes without question, no matter how “exotic” or unrelated to health care they might be? (Pretend, for the moment, that this person has been your employer all your life, and you can’t resign.)
Because there’s a difference between what she thinks could harm him, and what actually could. She has no right to make him to submit to something so humiliating and invasive based only on her own suspicions and beliefs.
Depends. Is “taking his bike away from him” a euphemism for “sifting through his excrement”?
You assume she’s giving him money for college at all. There’s no evidence for that in the article, and I have to wonder whether someone as paranoid as this woman would really spend a dime to let her son go off someplace where she can’t watch over him. (I hear some students even use drugs at college! :eek: )
Well, if she was drinking it I’d see your point! :eek:
Did you note on my first post where I said ‘reasonable’? I just don’t think that if you say you are going to smoke pot and the person responsible for you doesn’t want you to and takes actions to find out that your are following their wishes is wrong. The correct action is, “Look, Ma. I know how important this is to you so I promise not to smoke pot anymore. I mean I only did it occasionally and it isn’t a bid deal giving it up. I love ya, Ma!” hehe.
And the belief of society that says it is wrong enough to make it illegal. We don’t know if she wants him not to smoke pot because she thinks it is bad for him, or because it is illegal and she doesn’t want to see him in jail , or just because she is a control freak (probably at least a little of the latter given that I probably wouldn’t do this if it he was only occasionally smoking. Of course that is his story, isn’t it?).
You assume she’s a paranoid, overbearing bitch. I assume she’s a good mother of a 17 y.o. who thinks he has all the answers, and that she wants to protect him, as most parents want to do for their children, from stupid mistakes. Mistakes like a potential criminal record for drug possession. Those never look good on job applications. Sure, the majority of recreational pot users never get caught or get criminal records, but I long, long ago decided that wasn’t a chance I wanted to take - nor is it a chance I want my children to take. A good parent wants their child to succeed, and getting into and completing college are important early steps.
We can all project our own feelings and opinions based on a few lines of text. We have no idea, based on the article, what steps have been taken by mother or how the situation may have escalated.
For the record, I do not drug test my teens. They have given me no reason, although I do have trust issues with one of them. Nor would drug-testing be a first option for remediation for any drug, including marijuana, use.
D_Odds, this is the part I’m not understanding. Is your decision not to use drugs based entirely on the premise that it is illegal to do so? And I’m going to ask you the same question I asked the OP, how do you feel about alcohol?
First step is counsel them to stop. The biggest danger, IMHO, is the possibility, slim though it may be, of a criminal record. That closes lots of potential doors. The risk/reward profile, again IMHO, is skewed. Too big a risk for too little a reward. At 22, go to a bar and get drunk (just make sure you are walking home or taking a cab). The physical danger is comparable; pot carries a much bigger penalty.
So let’s assume my 22 y.o. doesn’t stop, and is still living at home. Under no circumstances will I knowingly allow pot or other illegal drug storage in my home (they’ll also still have to abide by the no dirty dishes in rooms overnight and no swearing rules). I doubt that I would apply boot to seat of pants the first time I found out, but a child (and they will always be ‘my children’ - something my own mother keeps reminding me every time she offers advice…but I digress) who would repeatedly show me so little respect will find themselves fending for themselves. I have tried to teach and I hope they have learned that their decisions have consequences, and the older they get, the greater the consequences they must bear of their bad decisions. I do try to ameliorate the consequences of some bad decisions as I expect children to make bad decisions and (hopefully) learn from them; I don’t, however, make them just go away.
You might think I’m fire and brimstone because I believe that children should have discipline and respect for their parents and reasonable rules. In our home, however, I’m often the mediator. Mrs. D_Odds is the real fire and brimstone, over-the-top parent. I often joke with her (and the in-laws, who share our roof) about how she must have been the perfect child, as she doesn’t understand that kids make dumb decisions…repeatedly. Me, I made tons of dumb decisions - still do, although at least now, I tend not to make the same dumb decision twice…usually.
And there are reasonable ways to find out whether he’s following her wishes - like asking him. He obviously isn’t ashamed to admit that he smokes pot, right?
Blind obedience is only the “correct action” for sheep.
No need to assume. It’s pretty obvious from her actions.