Damn, D_Odds, you’re gonna think I’m stoned, sorry, but another question or two.
You say you would not tolerate illegal drug storage at your home. Would you tolerate it if it were to be legal? And another twist, would you tolerate your kid getting stoned elsewhere, as long as he didn’t store it at home?
I’m just trying to understand whether it’s the possession of it that irks you, or the effect.
I will never condone illegal drug use or underage drinking from my children. That said, I do not have 24/7 control. I would take countermeasures to stop them from doing so, if it were a problem (thankfully, it does not appear to be a problem with my son, who I wish would actually get out more and do more things outside the home; and my daughter is young enough to still require a chaperone in most circumstances). I’m not going to make it easy for them. However, I remember going behind my parents’ backs and doing things I shouldn’t be doing. The level of control necessary to prevent that will also stifle life learning experiences, which are necessary to their development.
If it were opened up to a national referendum, I would vote for marijuana to be treated like tobacco. Both would still be forbidden in my home; among other reasons, both my in-laws cannot handle second-hand smoke well. I like to think I would treat an addiction to pot no differently than an addiction to alcohol.
Just to clarify, if pot were legal, use would still be forbidden in my home. While I’m not going to like the way the clothes reek from either pot or cigarettes, it will at least be limited to those items and not embedded on every couch, curtain, and rug in my home.
Only in your interpretation of three lines of text from one side of the story.
answer to Duffer’s question about car ownership, in Ohio I bought my first car at 16, had a checking account etc. Minors can get a credit card co signed by a parent in many cases, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a regular bill. As to if they are legally responsible for those costs in the end, of course the parents have the final responsibility. But that is true of ANYTHING a minor does. Your minor child breaks the law, you can be held responsible to varying degrees in different areas.
In the end my opinion is that, within the bounds of the law, a parent has the right and responsibility to make decisions for their home and the right and responsibility to enforce behaviour they deem appropriate. To answer a few things raised in this thread, if that means not allowing illegal drug use, fine. If that means not allowing minors to have sex in your home (hetero or homo), fine. If that means not allowing minors to drink or smoke, fine. Did I miss any others? I believe that children should learn to take responsibility and to learn to make decisions, but that must be balanced with guidelines given by the parent.
Thanks for the thoughtful responses D_Odds, much clearer to me now (no, I’m not stoned 
).
Maybe I also need to state where I’m at, since all I’ve done in this thread is ask questions. I’m a recovering alcoholic, my last round was on 16 December 1999. Since then I have become increasingly uncomfortable in the company of intoxicated people. Merrily tipsy is still borderline okay, but beyond that I just cannot tolerate. To put it bluntly, drunk people simultaneously annoy me and put me on edge. They become unreasonable and unpredictable, and I avoid them like coughing chickens. I struggle to communicate with them, and they operate at a different wavelength when drunk. Same goes for stoned folk, I just cannot relate to them, and trying to converse is an extreme effort. I’m lazy that way.
A woman I loved deeply once (maybe on some level I still do), used to smoke dope. It broke my heart, I don’t know exactly why, it just did.
During the 80’s I dabbled once or twice with marijuana, or dagga as it is known here, and even resorted to cough mixture to relieve the boredom of military life. But alcohol was essentially my mainstay, primarily because it was legal and freely available, and as is seemingly the norm in South African society, even actively encouraged.
My current postion is this. Each to his own. If you want to get drunk, do so on your own time, far away from me, and stay away from cars. If you want to get stoned, do so on your own time, far away from me, and stay away from cars. If you want to do lines, etc etc etc. In short, leave me the hell alone, and stay the fuck off the roads.
Having said that, I strongly disagree with the criminalization of social drugs. It doesn’t compute. If you want to criminalize them, then you need to criminalize alcohol possession as well. Period.
I was referring to a 22 year old who is no longer under your roof. Would you think less of them because they’re breaking a (mostly) misdemeanor law that is unjust in their opinion? Does the law always trump the personal obligation to protest when it’s something you believe in?
What about out in the back yard?
He could joing my non-filtered cigarette-smoking father out in the backyard, if it is legal. Probably wouldn’t happen twice
Yep. IMO, it’s screwed up priorities. As I said, there are far better battles to fight. If you want to protest a law, protest it. Don’t just toke quietly in your bedroom. That’s not a protest.
I agree. But you can protest effectively in addition to the scofflaw thing.
Disclaimer: I do not support current marijuana laws. I also am of the opinion that marijuana is no more dangerous than tobacco and alcohol.
A question for the people folks who think not allowing your children to smoke dope in the house is “draconian”: Why should I as a parent have to assume the risk and responsibility for my child’s toking it up in my house? As the home owner, I could be held liable for any controlled substance on my property, so I don’t want it there. What, exactly, is wrong with that?
The kid (yes - at seventeen he is still a kid) in the article has a choice. He could get a job and apartment and leave home, or he could refrain from smoking dope. One option totally sucks, but the choice is there. Not smoking dope is an option, too.
When I was in college, my father told me that if I get good grades, he’d pay for my education. Two semesters in a row, I decided to fuck about and I didn’t make good grades. He didn’t pay my tuition the following semester. After working two full time jobs and going to class full time, you bet your ass I started getting good grades again. I made a choice; I suffered the consequences; I didn’t make that choice again.
I like low premiums on my health insurance, but one condition of these premiums is that I do not smoke. So I do not smoke. Do I want to? Every goddamn day, but I don’t, because I want to afford my health insurance.
Same sort of situation. The kid has a rule: Don’t smoke dope. He has a choice: He could follow the rule, or he could live somewhere that rule doesn’t apply.
The rule isn’t draconian; it’s making a kid take a piss-test.
Earlier, my son had some pretty draconian measures imposed upon him. I’m sure, for sympathy, he would tell his school mates how evil we were by doing XYZ. What he probably left out of the equation was everything that led to XYZ; how we, with a psychologist’s help, drew up a list of measures with XYZ being near the bottom (fortunately, he didn’t quite get to the bottom); and how we tried at every step of the way to avoid getting to the GHI stage, let alone the XYZ stage.
The story is one-sided and far from complete. There is no way, from a few sentences, to tell if the measures against that particular kid are warranted or not. Drug tests alone are a tool; they can be used, not used, or abused.
I see you’ve met my father 
What I don’t get about the piss test is, what’s the point? The kid’s being pretty open and upfront about his intent to continue smoking pot despite his mother’s wishes, so why is the piss test even necessary? How’s this going to go down?
“Son, you failed your drug test again.”
“Gee, mom, maybe it’s because of all the drugs I said I was doing?”
I was thinking about that Miller. I had to fill in a few blanks to come up with a way where it makes sense. It would have to be tied to a series of rewards/punishments, with the whiz quiz being the determinant. Something like losing car or computer privileges, and/or receiving bonuses for time clean. A drug test alone for a recalcitrant child won’t serve as a deterant.
I don’t think the reward system would be very constructive. For some kids, maybe. But overall it’s a reward system for the kid to do what he should be doing anyway. Or not doing, as the case may be.
You might be right. Didn’t work at all with my son, either. Works well with my step-daughter. Sometimes you just have to find the proper carrot/stick combination. Unfortunately, kids arrive poorly documented, and there is a lot of trial and error.
True. We don’t have kids yet, so I’m basing a lot of it on my own childhood. i don’t claim to be an expert on parenting. I sometimes wonder if my mom distracted me with the carrot while beating me with the stick if things would have been different.
Actually, she is responsible as he is still a minor.
As indicated in the later portions of this thread, why is she doing testing if he is willing to tell her that he is doing drugs and not going to stop? What is the rest of the story here?
Because if someone who loves you and you supposedly love back asks you to give up an illegal habit that you only do occassionally then by doing so you’d be a sheep? I see… Well actually I don’t, but whatever.