My wife got up to feed the animals, then came back to bed and put her leg across me. She discovered that I not only was snoring but also had morning wood. I can understand not caring for the snoring, but at my age I’m happy to still get morning wood (she doesn’t yet know that it was due to the dream I was having about her).
A typical male would have fed the animals himself.
A typical male would be chopping that wood.
A typical male would have have pulled his woman towards his wood and put it to good use.
At my age, wood isn’t so much typical as a miracle.
A typical male makes blanket statements.
Ah, I can’t post that!
Unlike P-man, who posted his post.
Even while he’s asleep?
A typical male would have been dreaming about your wife’s hot sister who always dresses way too inappropriately for Thanksgiving and Christmas and who I swear to God does it on purpose
It’s just the kind of OP you run up the flagpole to see who salutes.
But my wife doesn’t have a sister.
A typical male would have eaten the animals raw for breakfast, and then his wife.
I hate to disillusion wonderful wifey, but Morning Wood might just be a distended bladder. 
C’est la vie.
You’re not supposed to ruin the joke by bringing in that pesky reality!