This spammer deserves to be hung from his testicles and flogged

Some spammer sent me a message with the title line: “BREAKING NEWS: OSAMA HAS BEEN CAPTURED” I didn’t actually read the message before deleting it, but I’m 99.999% certain it’s spam.

Of all the tricky, underhanded ways to try to get someone to open a worthless email message (i.e. all those fuckwads who send “You there?” or “I missed you last night” title lines, pretending that they know you), this is one of the scummiest I’ve seen.

Unless you subscribe to a breaking news service, such as those offered by MSNBC, CNN, ABCNews, et al, this should be in your bulk mail folder. Do you actually think bulk mail is a necessary read? I, for one, use bulk mail to filter unwanted mail or mail from unknown sources. You take you chances when you open bulk mail.

Otherwise, why would you think you deserve a special e-mail informing you of this capture? I would think that something of this magnitude would deserve AT LEAST a phone call.

Well, shoot, you deleted it, and now we’ll never know which spammer was enterprising enough to think of this. :smiley:

I don’t think it was scummy–personally I find spammers’ subject lines quite entertaining. My favorite so far is the totally simple “Update”.


Text of message: Haha, sucker, not really. But you can save 40% on your life insurance if you visit our website.


Cum see my naughty wet lesbian coed pics

Ordinarily, such a message would just be a minor annoyance…but I imagine it would be just a touch disappointing for someone who had a family member killed on 9/11, getting their hopes up that Osama has been brought to justice, only to find some inane commercial solicitation.

I think the ones where the spammer pretends like they know me to be the most offensive. Especially ones with romantic tones like “From your secret admirer”

But then I realize that it’s not from my “secret admirer”. No, it’s fucking spam!

Those soulless, money grubbing bastards can at least have the common decency to not prey on our deepest hopes, fears and desires just to attempt to make a dishonest buck.

Sometimes I wish I could just magically reach through the spammers computer screen and punch them in the face while they think up this shit.

Sigh. Somebody report this to the mods and let them figure it out, because I don’t intend to advocate illegal things but I’m sure I’ll cross the line somewhere.

Some people write viruses and screw up days and days of work for millions of people. They then claim that they were just doing it to help by showing the security holes in a widely used program.

Wouldn’t it be interesting if all the virus writers were put in a small contained area and introduced to a number of armed sociopaths who only wanted to help by pointing out the security holes in the virus writers’ attempts to stop themselves from being brutally murdered?

There are spammers, who contact you under false pretenses solely for commercial gain. Wouldn’t it be interesting if someone hired a bunch of professional killers, working independant of one another, to murder one spammer a month with the stipulation that they had to get the spammer to open the door themselves? They could use any ruse or combination of ruses, they could hire or threaten anybody they wanted to, but the spammer had to open the door to the killer. I bet he’d find some interesting ways to get them to open the door. They’d probably feel the need to put out some security. They might miss a few things they didn’t want to miss. They’d probably feel like they were constantly under siege. Poor spammers.

I just find this story particularly amusing…

Good one, GMR :smiley:

I’d love to be the judge on that one…

“So how is them doing it to you different from you doing it to them?”
“Well, it just IS!” whiny voice, stomp feet

I just delete one that said “IMPORTANT NEWS ON TERRORIST THREAT”. The mail was blank - I think it was the kind that just checks on the validity of one’s email address. I knew it was spam because it was from someone called william8, so it didn’t worry me, but I can imagine that upsetting some people. What kind of turd sends that sort of thing?

I basically don’t even open email unless I (a) recognize the sender’s email address or (b) have some kind of clue from the heading (e.g., “Straight Dope” or “Message Boards” or something.) Other stuff, I just delete without bothering to open.

I love the ones that incorporate my email name: “ckdext, you may already be a winner.”

I got that one a few months ago - I did open it (how blonde can I be?). Don’t remember what it said - not porn - but I feel exactly like you do.


That the spammer deserves to be hung by his testicles and flogged, I can readily understand. 'Tis a statement to which I can attach my agreement. But from? Mightn’t there be some logistical problems with that?


Even better are the ones that don’t quite incorporate my email name: “smafg, rip her apart with your big cock”, “don’t be trapped working at McDonald’s, smafy”, etc., etc., etc.

I got one the other day, emailed to, and it GOT to me, obviously didn’t bounce… and it was greeting to Jim in the first line. This was an unsolicited message, but it was from an art publishing house that was trying to recruit people for a project. It was obviously a mass mailing, but it did have a valid return address.

I wrote back “My name is Jin, asshat.” and hit send.

I didn’t get a reply.

Some of that stuff is useful, like

The Great Unwashed, increase your penis size safely and naturally

which came as a blessed relief since for years I’d been doing it dangerously and artificially.

What blows my mind is two spam I received last week: subject line He’s Coming Out and Are You Gay? And they were for STRAIGHT porn.

Another one offered Gigantic Cocks! which indeed they were… but again, it was straight porn. (I don’t know HOW she got her jaw to do that.) This one could keep a psychologist busy for decades.

I liked this part, from one I recevied at wrok recently.

My first thought was he was accusing me of committing securities fraud.

I got one a couple of weeks ago that was actually soliciting for people who wanted to send spam themselves, and if I just visited their website I could learn how to annoy thousands of people every day, just like the assholes who sent me this email. Or words to that effect.

And it was sent to me twice.