Hey Balance, did you check out thinksnow’s post above. It leads me to the question…
Is this where the skeleton blows his load?
Palmyra is going to kill me.
<Beagle Balance quickly abandons the bone he was licking, just in case, and saunters off, looking for his wayward butler (or someone to maul)>
Woof. Wuffle.*
*Translated from the Beaglish as “Thanks for the warning, Grace. If Palmyra’s gonna kill you, this is the thread to do it in.” Beaglish is such a succinct language. 
watches the dreaded screech-owl in awed terror. Or is that an odd tearer? Poor mouse.
Is it safer in the basement? Is it safe anywhere?
----:eek:/
----///\\
Sorry, I’m a bit loud during acts of pleasure. Didn’t mean to scare you.
BTW, are those horse head book ends?
Would you settle for an odd terrier? Sure, I’m a beagle right now, but who knows what I might turn into next?*
*Translated from the Beaglish.
looking around
Umm…yeah…I guess so…kinda funny lookin’ huh?
going back to what I was doin…thinking…funny, that thing kinda looked like it was…looking at me
…
originally posted by Balance
----:D/
----///\\
…and SUDDENLY everyone wakes up and realizes it was all just a horrible dream…or WAS it?? MMMUUUUUHHHAAAAAAAA!!!
As I wandered down this thread
Thoughts of fear filled my head
A voice of evil called to me
Filling my mind constantly
It was not right this voice that spoke
My dread rose up as my spirit broke
The souls of many wandered down
The alley of the wretched town
I did look back but could not stop;
They beckoned on; it was a plot.
Laughter echoed through the thread
Have all these souls been left for dead?
I could not stop my shaking knees
My eyes bulged out; my heart did freeze
Was I next to suffer this fate?
Or would I live, haunted by their hate?
At last I could take no more
I screamed out loud; my throat went sore
Turning round, I walked away
or at least I tried…
The undead army marched me on
As they sang a damning song
We then did reach his throne at last
I looked up at him and was aghast
His eyes blazed red, his heart was black
“I need more souls to go back!”
He reached right through and plucked mine out
And left a man, empty, no longer stout.
“Do not worry,” he said to me
“It’s not for evil, or for glory
But lest you think that there is hope,
Now I have ALL of the Straight Dope.”
Aw crap, I got here late! Do I still have time to strip to my underwear and brush my hair in front of a mirror?
[sup]Meanwhile, downstairs…[/sup]
Hear that?
I think someone is knocking at the door?
But wait…it isn’t a normal happy knock, it’s actually kind of a disturbing slow rattle!
Oh hell, I’ll answer it. Wouldn’t want someone to get stuck outside with an insane ax murderer on the loose!
You go right ahead…do what comes naturally
Just don’t forget to leave the shade up and the window open, ok?
Yes. You definitely still have time.
[Mort Furd, morphing from bat form to human form just inside the open window behind Dragonblink.]
[Bares long, pointed canines, licks his lips.]
Ahhhh, my lovely. I have come to suck your … Hmmm. Well, NOT your blood. But first, a small bite on your lovely, slender neck to make you willing and happy to join me in a night of debauchery.
[Dragonblink, flipping her wooden handled brush to show that it comes to a point rather like a stake.]
Hell spawned creature, you shall die!
[Dragonblink springs up with pointed wooden brush held like a knife, and knocks Mort Furd to the floor.]
A stake through the heart, the only way to deal with a creature like you. At least for a good Pagan girl like me. No crosses allowed.
[Mort Furd lies happily on the floor, pinned by the lovely Dragonblink and awaits his fate.]
Ahh, Death. To have cheated you so long and to be delivered into your arms by this scantily clad beauty. A boon, a magnificent boon to take with me into the eternal hellfire - the vision of this magnificent, indomitable woman.
[Dragonblink plunges the pointed end of the hair brush into Mort Furd’s evil, vampiric chest.]
Die!
[Mort Furd]
AIIIGGGHHHH!!!
[Dissolves to a pile of ash.]
[Dragonblink]
And now, to rescue the other inhabitants of this horrid, haunted thread.
Ratings for this thread:
Blood: 2 pints. Just not very graphic.
Breasts: 2 (in theory). Kricket seems to be the only one going for the rutting teenager role.
Beasts: ±40. All the freakonauts posting to this thread.
No Car chases. Come ON, People!
No Explosions.
One rubber monster suit. Oh wait, that’s me.
Overall: one and one half stars. One point off for not having Bruce Campbell moderate it. Check it out.
Ah to be a teen again!
And happy to hear you are all enjoying my bresteses.
Now, where did my playmate get off to?
<chomps Zach Lee’s ankle>
There’s another pint. Is that better?*
*Translated from the Beaglish.
I will now “run” away into the night wearing platform shoes while a large masked man resembling wrestler Mick Foley and carrying a chainsaw goes gallumphing behind me. Eek!
Wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Patty
[throwing rope to eirroc]
“Quick, grab the rope and we’ll get out of here!”
[pushed from behind and falls into hole]
“oof”
eirroc - “smooth move, twinkle toes”
“Well, the thread did need more gratutious sex and we’re both here…”
<annoyed growl>
It figures that I’d get turned into a dog in a haunted thread where none of the hot chicks are into bestiality. I think I’ll go hang around with Kricket until the moon goes down.*
*Translated from the Beaglish.
Hmm, what’s this written on the walls? In red ink?
Ia! Ia! Cthulhu ftagn!
Huh. I think it’s French. Hey, do you smell something fishy?
GACK! Ahhh! AHHH! Oh, God my spleen! Urk! <expires>