Wow. Nice and firm, too.
The very definition of MPSIMS.
May I squeeze them?
astro, I’m going to assume that you find humor in this subject only in ignorance, because you’ve never been the kind of “melon-farmer” (either literal or in the Samuel-Jackson-dubbed-for-TV sense) who engages in the crude and downright savage practices involved in mega-melon agribusiness.
Under this assumption, that you’re woefully uninformed but not actually evil, I’ll append a passage excerpted from the Watermelon Truth Front’s recent pamphlet, Hey, WTF?:
The rest is too graphic for this forum. But I encourage everyone who can spare a thought for the suffering caused by this barbaric agricultural practice to take a look at the Hey, WTF? web site.
King of Soup, it hasn’t even been scientifically proven that melons experience discomfort in the same way a human, or a higher primate would.
When it comes to the choice of either feeding humans, or go off and start cuddling melons, I, for one, choose humanity.
It may, however, be promising to explore ways of entertaining melons in the growing phase, that won’t interfere with the economics of farming. I’ve heard playing classical music has yielded some good results with chickens.
Great. Five posts in, and already the torture apologists have come galloping in on their legs, shouting and waving their arms, and claiming cultural relativism.
There is a lack of hard scientific evidence that the Dutch experience Michael Bolton covers of Sinatra standards in the same way Americans do. When is a convenient time to strap you down with the headphones, Mr. Wizard? Honestly, I have little patience with neo-vegisectionists whose scientific pretensions so poorly mask what is merely a naked desire to indulge in sadism while holding a clipboard, but I’ll answer this tired old argument anyhow. First, the megamelon industry does not care that none of their practices is supported by scientific study, and not one breeder will commit to ending any practice that a scientific evaluation condemns, or contribute to funding research into watermelons’ perception of pain and angst. You should see some of the looks I get from melon growers when I suggest it. So the concern is artificial. Second, the comparison with watermelons that have not been systematically maltreated is obvious. I’ll bet you’ve never even seen a free-range watermelon gamboling across a sunny field, have you? I’m giving even poorer odds that you’d care if you had, you seedless, soulless fiend. Third, in the absence of definitive proof (and how would you guys insist on obtaining that proof? By torturing more melons, that’s how), we must behave as ethically as our current knowledge allows. That means adhering to the basic principles of humane husbandry in the absence of contrary information.
Do I win the prize for the one billionth use of the phrase “false dichotomy” on this board? Read the WTF pamphlet: these artificially-created monsters are not used for food. Rather, their fate is a brutal competition ring, followed by the exhibition stall, and then the compost heap (or a county fair eating contest, but that’s hardly feeding the hungry, now is it?).
Here I’ll concede the EU is ahead of us in the U.S., at least in terms of allowing a trickle of information to its victims. http://www.eupoliticstoday.com/news/EUFruitsVegetables But read every issue in this publication supposedly designed for European produce, and try to find a single article with a pro-WTF bias. It just isn’t nearly enough.
I just get so angry. It’s like our ideas about the biota we share a planet with and depend on for our very existence have barely evolved since Luther Burbank. http://www.ffrf.org/fttoday/back/burbankbio.html (NOTE: Before everybody starts a pile-on throwing Godwin’s Other, Lesser-Known Law in my face, let me just say (1) there’s no way to even have this discussion without recognizing how that maniac’s ideas about genetic optimization have contributed to the current mess; (2) there’s no denying that the man, dead for the better part of a century, still has powerful influence among bonanists, farmers, and gardeners, perhaps especially in Europe; (3) I’m not saying that Maastricht is as bad as Burbank – I’m merely saying that he could be much, much worse).
To those who are for cruelty-free agriculture in keeping with natural imperatives, I suggest contributing to the Melon Independent Liberation Front. You can find their website by typing “MILF” into any search engine. Sometimes that short a keyword leads to lots of irrelevant leads, but if you cross-reference with the term “big melons” you’ll doubtless get to where you want to go.
Meanwhile, Maastricht (if that’s your real name), don’t think we “melon-huggers” are stupid. I’m smart enough, for example, to know who you’re really working for: http://www.wasteoftechnology.com/motw40.shtml
Would this be a bad time to post a link to a picture of some big boobies?
:dubious:
Coincidentally…
tee hee
/needs to grow up along with everybody else in this thread.
Priceless, King.
My first summer job was at a produce store near the house, and on the first day of work an eighteen wheeler arrived filled from front to back in stacks up to about 7 high, of watermelons. Three of the high school staff guys were picked to go out and unload them which involved one guy being the tosser (he was the one who picked them off the truck and tossed them to the relay guy), the relay guy caught from the tosser and passed it to the basket-filler. Now most of you are used to seeing melons in those big octagonal-esque cardboard baskets right? Well as far as I know, 99% of the time, there’s a group of guys like me who had to fill them up for you. The basket-filler took them from the relayer and set them in the basket such that he covered the bottom as much as possible and slowly worked his way up.
At full speed we could fill a basket of melons in less than 10 minutes, but it was killer work in the Florida summer. However it gave us a good workout and I swear my back was never in better shape than after that summer.
Is it just a coincidence that giant melons and Bill Clinton both come from Hope, Arkansas?
What? Did Clinton have giant melons?
Oh wait. I see.
Now those are some great-looking boobies!
As part of my unfortunate childhood, I was forced to travel through that part of the country almost yearly until I was growed up. I could have sworn that it was Arkadelphia that was the “Watermelon Capitol of the South”, not Hope. I remember a postcard depicting a huge watermelon cut in half, with a bathing beauty in repose on its mouth-watering red flesh…sort of a melon a’ melons, if you will… a person just doesn’t forget that kind of thing…
I feel a need to repost this beautiful watermelon tribute:
It sort of fits, especially considering King’s post.
They’re just begging for it with pics like these.
