Thoughts about starting drinking again

People who don’t have a problem with alcohol don’t care if they drink or don’t drink.

People who do have problems with alcohol “really REALLY like drinking”, think 24 beers a week is not a problem, and think that because they only pissed and puked themselves occasionally, their wives have no grounds for objecting to the possibility of it happening again.

Dinsdale, I think you know the answer to your own question.

I read “restart” as “restart drinking regularly” not as “consume alcohol once in a great while on a special occasion.” Maybe that’s just me.

Hi Dinsdale! You always have us! :slight_smile:

Just wondered. . . what made you think of drinking again recently? I tried to read the thread very closely, but didn’t see anything that gave me an indication of why you’re thinking about it at this time. You mentioned a 6th year anniversary of not drinking coming up, but that seems unlikely to have triggered you thinking about something that you’ve posted proudly about not doing for a while now.

Just from reading your posts, I get the sense that this issue doesn’t have to do with alcohol. It seems like it’s about something else, but only you would know what that is. And of course, that’s just from reading your posts here, so that could be way off.

I hope that whatever you decide brings you happiness (not to be confused with pleasure, although it would be good if it brought both).

I stopped drinking 17 years ago in much the same way you did…no AA. And not a drop in 17 years.

All I can say is that if I had a drink I’d feel like I’d just thrown away something really really important.

As the saying goes, why borrow trouble? The possible bad outcome far outweighs any possible good outcome.

Dinsdale, what you write sounds like a very bad idea.

It sounds like you care too much about drinking to be able to do a little of it, and are trying to pretend to talk accurately about it while getting some kind of approval here, and are trying to smooth the way with nonchalance and smiley icons.

The trouble with drinking is that you can’t be as careful and reasonable and moderate while you are doing it, because it impairs all those functions. That’s why it feels like such a release. Care and reason and moderation are the exact things that are releasing you. That’s the whole point. If it’s taste you want, buy candy.

Being married to a drunk alcoholic is too bad for anyone to agree to, so the Mrs’s divorce threat doesn’t sound so unreasonable to me, but never mind that. What she does is less of a priority for you than staying out of that drain should be.

I’ve been sober since October 1986 and even joking about ideas like you propose would give me those nightmares again, the ones about accidentally starting drinking, about forgetting not to, about noticing I have a glass in my hand. It’s even possible I’ll have one tonight just from this thread. You should not pretend this makes my answer here irrelevant.

Do you think it’s worth calling your wife’s bluff? It would be a bit silly to ditch a perfectly good wife just so you can drink. :slight_smile:

Maybe you should take up gambling instead.

Kidding! I’m kidding!

An old friend of mine was a problem drinker. It ended him up divorced and in the psych ward. So I guess he took it too far. Heh.

But after a lengthy stay there he made a decision to change. He got sober, went back to college, got his degree in counseling. Went to work helping other problem drinkers.

One day a group of his psych department friends at the college called him. They were doing a study on teaching problem drinkers how to drink responsibly and wondered if he’d like to participate.

I know he thought long and hard about it and he finally decided to give it one more try. Why, I never had a chance to ask him in a sober setting.

The last time I saw him, late morning, he was walking down the alley in some crazy getup apparently from the thrift store - a boa, combat boots and a, I dunno, sundress I guess it was. Had a bottle in his hand and a couple of drunken pals in tow, singing at the top of his lungs. Looked like they were having fun.

I imagine he’ll get it right one of these days. Sure hope he lives long enough. :wink:

I suppose there’s really only one way to know whether you can drink responsibly or not.

Has the OP started drinking again already ?

Maybe he is just looking for answers to justify his drinking again .

I gave up drinking for 7 years. I thought it would help me keep a job and make me a better, more relaxed, more easy-going person. I didn’t make a big deal out of it and refused drinks politely, often using the excuse of, “Can’t - I have to drive home.”

I didn’t judge friends or family wanting a drink or having a drink. I calmly ignored such statements as, “You were alot more fun when you drank.” or “Geez, can’t you just have a beer to be social.” I bit my tongue instead of replying,“It would be easier to be social if you would stop trying to force a drink down my throat, asshole.”

I had pretty much given it up when three years ago, a cousin that I really like (and who I never considered to have any type of drinking problem and I never heard anyone else mention that she had any kind of problem with drinking.) gave up beer, wine and alcohol for religious reasons. She tried to claim that when wine was mentioned in the Bible, they were actually referring to grape juice, and other such rot. This really bugged me because this cousin had always been normal, intelligent, and reasonable.

I told her that I was OK with her giving up drinking if it was her personal choice, but if she kept trying to blame it on bad biblical interpretation, I would have to laugh.

When she stuck to her guns, I heard a little voice in my head say: “Dammit, if I gotta listen to this ridiculous shit, I’m havin a beer.”

Three years later, I had a beer and enjoyed the hell out of it. Now, I drink about a 6-pack a week.

Dinsdale - do what makes you happy. (Of course, if you think staying married would make you happier than cracking a cold brew… I think you know what the answer is.)

I seriously question the ethics of such a psychological experiment. Especially if they didn’t get him back off after their technique didn’t work.

While i wouldn’t encourage you to “start drinking again” as that sounds like a full time occupation, but I would say stop asking for permission from wife and friends and just have a GD beer if you feel like it. As to their disapproving looks and concerned commentary, tell em to stuff it, you are a grown man who doesn’t need permission to have a beer.

OTOH if you have to put this much thought into it, don’t go there.

Does your wife threaten you with divorce a lot, or is it pretty much limited to the standard things one expects may lead to divorce?

If she doesn’t, I’d take it seriously because, as much as I like beer, it wouldn’t be worth causing that much anxiety for someone who cares that much about me. There’s no alcohol in the world worth making my spouse wonder whether I’m going to be able to keep things under control this time. It’s not about whether she can tell you what to do, it’s about whether you’re willing to do it knowing how much it will hurt her.

Oh come on - a lot of people don’t have problems with alcohol, but do enjoy it in moderate amounts and would be bummed if they couldn’t have it.

I don’t have a problem with chocolate, but if I couldn’t ever have it again for the rest of my life, I’d certainly care about it. I’d be very sad.

Same thing with alcohol. I’m not an alcoholic, but you better bet if someone told me I could never have a glass of wine again for the rest of my life I’d be bummed. Coke just ain’t the same.

Yes, I actually started another thread about that, aimed at non alcoholics.

Plus I’m not addicted to anything, and I’d be bummed at losing a lot of stuff. I’d be pissed if I couldn’t eat cookies or go to the gym or read books. That last one might have me out on the ledge!

Thanks again for everything. Gotta crank this a.m., but will get back later.

We had a huge blow out this a.m. over something she brought up 3 minutes before I was going to walk out the door to work. Not at all related to drinking. But the kind of thing where you really don’t know whether it is worth sticking in a relatonship. So tho we’ve been together nearly 25 years, and do some things extremely well, I don’t want anyone to think we have some rosy, romantic bliss thing going on here. If that ever existed, it ended decade(s) ago.

Also was thinking last night about how I drank.
Started drinking in HS.
In college and law school (when we got married), I was drunk pretty much every night.
First 10 years of work I probably drank the equiv of 2 cases per week. 3 out of 5 work nights had 4-6 beers, and at least 6-12 every Sat/Sun. Open bars were my big downfall.
Then there was maybe 5-7 years that I probably averaged a case a week.
I think the last time I puked was on my 40th b-day.
Then there were a couple of years that I tried the Moderation Management limits: 14 drinks a week, no more than 4 on any day, no more than 2 drinking days in a row. I found it very hard to stick within those limits, but I pretty much did for a couple of years.
Then I’ve been sober nearly 6 years.

Just wanted to give a clear picture of my drinking history these past couple decades.

Gotta work now. Be back later.

lord, getting hit with a garden variety bombshell as you leave (also applies to arriving) is the most annoying thing, I agree.

Back to drinking, it may also lead to dancing :cool:

Dinswife should try it.

I can’t help getting the feeling that it’s less about the drinking and maybe more about asserting yourself to your wife? I mean, I do think it’s clear and that you’re aware that you had problems. I just mean that your desire to drink seems less about knowing you can do it and more about kind of wanting to show her you’re independent.

Based on what you’ve posted about her in the past, she’s seems to like to get control of situations even in situations where that’s unnecessary. I’m thinking about her being upset about the weaving together of the afghans that one of the kids supposedly did or her being pissed off and starting a huge fight on the day of a football game about your daughter not wearing the school colors (when your wife wasn’t even all that into school pride and apparently it was just the wrong shade?).

Well, yeah! Happens frequently as each new generation of psych folk set out to make problem drinking more user-friendly. They are pretty determined to find a way.

The problem is that alcoholism is a primary, chronic, progressive and terminal illness characterized by denial. That means that the condition exists even though no alcohol is being ingested.

The main problem is getting people “back off.” Especially if they’ve decided they want to drink.

Guess that’s why they call it an addiction. Besides the physicaly addicting properties of the beverage itself there is that psychological factor that works on the mind that tells even a terminal alcoholic that one more won’t hurt.

In order for a person to think clearly about whether the next drink is safe or not a person must first be convinced that it was causing him harm in the first place and then use past experience as a tool in making that decision.

But there’s always hope for addiction.