Thoughts on becoming a SAHM

In My Humble Opinion
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We found it! We found the school.

It was the one I had a good feeling about, but they just blew away our expectations. The Academy is for children with learning differences, including ADHD and autism, dyslexia, etc. One of its main functions seems to be to teach children the self-management skills necessary to transition to mainstream education. The average length of enrollment is four years. The primary school where our son would start is two teachers, 10 students, and then for later grades, one teacher to 10 students.

Students are taught at their academic level in each subject. So if my son is at the fourth grade math level, he’s going to be placed with other 1-2nd grade students who are at his level socio-emotionally, but he will have individualized math instruction at the 4th grade level. They have a number of gifted students.

We told them everything going on with him, and we got the response we were looking for, essentially: “For us, it was Tuesday.” The instructors are EXTENSIVELY trained on working with neurodiverse kids and held to a very high standard. (They even train their subs.) The director described the school as “one giant IEP.” Everything is tailored to the student. They have what they call a dual curriculum. There’s the academic curriculum and then the social-emotional curriculum. They teach the kids self-management, meta-cognition, executive function. They teach the kids in a highly structured way and then slowly back off the supports so they grow toward independence. The academic curriculum is multi-sensory and incorporates movement as much as possible. (One example: they have a trampoline in the hallway. I saw kids stop, jump on the trampoline and then head off to their next class.)

I saw the most amazing thing happen. First of all, I never saw happier students than these kids. We went into the classroom and the kids were doing an activity where they were just going nuts. It was a trivia thing incorporating movement. Kids bouncing off the walls, dancing silly, doing push-ups. Lots of noise. Then the instructor said, “Okay, time for learning” and they fell instantly into their seats, quiet and attentive. It was remarkable.

And they offer financial aid!

I do think the GATE school is the best curriculum for gifted students, especially mathematics, but I was concerned that my son’s behavioral issues would interfere with him getting as much out of it as he could. But I can see this as his pathway to GATE.

So our plan is to move to the GATE school district, enroll him at the Academy, and maybe in 2nd or 3rd grade transition him into GATE - if that seems like the best option at the time. We will have priority placement at GATE if we are residents of that district.

We definitely have to move - it’s 40 minutes from home outside of rush hour. If we move to the GATE school district everything will be about 20-25 minutes from everything else. I can live with that.

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This all sounds so good for your family, and it makes me so happy reading the excitement and relief. Changes can be hard and stressful, even for a desired outcome, but this will be worth the trouble.

Other than keeping your kid engaged, I don’t think there is a reason to stress about the academics at this point in his education, for both over- and underachievement. Or, at least that’s what the teachers and administrators kept telling me about my kid’s struggles in elementary school. That kind of stuff will start to matter in high school (and in middle school only as much as it sets up high school).

I think getting him into an environment where he is able to learn is going to be best, even if it requires some compromises on the exact curriculum.

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Great news!

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this is amazing news!! i hope everything goes easily and quickly.

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I agree. I was surprised my husband so readily agreed because he was sold on GATE. I told him look, in the next three years, there’s nothing this school won’t be able to do academically that they could do at GATE. It’s probably not going to make a huge difference. But once he gets those self-management skills down he’s probably going to be ready for something more intensive.

My husband said he just had to let go of his own pride a little. GATE has an incredible reputation, and for mathematics it’s probably one of the best in the country. But I told him this doesn’t rule out GATE. It just gives him a better chance of succeeding in a place like that. It’s laying the foundation he needs for real success.

I didn’t have to twist his arm, because he really was impressed with the Academy. It really feels right for both of us. I think our kid is going to love it. I get really emotional when I think about him making friends with kids like himself. Where everyone’s a weirdo and he can just be himself.

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Oh this is great!! Wow it sounds like an amazing school.

Absolutely. The socio-emotional/self-managing part is the crucial part.

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My kid has always had difficulty making friends, but the ones that have stuck the best are all on the spectrum. It really is the ones who are on a similar wavelength that it works with.

While hanging out they’ll dip in and out of social stimulation without hurt feelings or boredom. Other potential friends just aren’t tuned in that way, and my kid will need a break, and then there’s a bored friend wandering around not knowing what to do, until my kid comes back to the shared activity.

Unfortunately, some kids on the spectrum can be a lot to handle, and way too much for another kid on the spectrum to tolerate. So friends and enemies, and lots of fun emotions to manage for the adult in the room. For my kid it is still so much better having to put up with a nemesis, than being left out completely.

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I am so happy for you. As I said in post #84 I have never had that kind of courage.

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This is such great news, I’m so happy to hear it and very excited for all of you. Yay! :blush:

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Really great news!

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We have put in our application for our top choice school. The next step is them reaching out to get feedback from Wee Weasel’s teachers. We informed his current school. I was worried they’d be mad, but they have been very supportive in getting the new school all the materials they need. The step after that is they will have him there for 3-5 days for evaluation and to ensure goodness of fit.

I started talking to my son about the school and he’s excited about the possibility. He asked if he would be able to meet other autistic kids who are good at math. I told him probably so.

We’ve decided we’re moving to the gifted school district no matter what happens. Even their general school is really on the ball with 2e kids. So that’s our backup plan if we don’t get into our first choice.

I’m very tired. My son currently has therapy three nights a week. I find myself fantasizing about how much easier our lives are going to be when we move. Not only will he not have to do all that therapy (because he’ll be learning those skills in school), we’ll live closer to everything.

We’re just waiting for official confirmation before we start looking for places to live. There’s a lot going on.

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(Sending a psychic neck rub) Good news and good luck. As I said way above, I have never had that kind of courage.

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That’s wonderful!! I really hope your life gets easier after this!

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Not a SAHM, but a stay at home dog owner.

They got me up at 1am, because some coyotes where yelping. And our dogs wanted to have a conversation. So my day started at 1am.

In the last twenty years, I did sleep until 6am. Once.

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I probably sleep better than you do because my son has always been a good sleeper. They think he might have a sleep disorder, though. Not sure how that works.

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Yeah, it all kinda started when my wife was working out before work. That’s fine. But we where both up real early.

Then it just sort of stuck. I guess I really don’t care. We are retired now. If I want to go to bed at 7pm and get up at 2amI go to bed at 7pm and get up at 2am.

Doesn’t really matter I suppose.

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That’s happy news that your son is excited about this.

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We had a big three-hour IEP meeting yesterday. Included three-year evaluation for services. Surprise! He’s still eligible for services. :stuck_out_tongue:

Overall he’s doing really well. He hasn’t had a behavioral note home in over two months! This kid really turned a corner. They did a Functional Behavioral Assessment about his tendency to yell and interrupt (about nine times an hour, by their measure) which included an interview asking for his feedback. That provided this gem:

Social worker: You know how sometimes you yell out and interrupt the teacher? Why do you do that?

Wee Weasel: Because I want to ask her a question she doesn’t know that I do know.

That’s my boy.

Socially… well. Three years ago, they assessed his social reciprocity at the bottom 1% of all students. Now it’s the bottom 2%! Progress.

It’s amazing to me how much his communication strengths can compensate for his social challenges. He’s apparently just winning people over with his sheer blinding enthusiasm for life. I’ve seen some positive developments in his ability to socialize. At his birthday party last weekend, he started playing tic-tac-toe with his cousin. No adult guided this process, they just played together and got along fine. I think he does best with other kids when it’s playing games or something with clearly defined rules.

I’ve also noted he’s growing a lot in terms of critical thinking and pro-social thinking. They’re learning about Presidents in school so we talked some politics, and a lot about how you can use or misuse power. He says he wants to become President so he can help people. I’m really glad that value is hitting home for him. He defines ‘helping people’ as supplying them with as many Lightning McQueen squashmallows as their parents will allow.

The IEP Team noted that a lot of the skills he lacks in large group settings he has no trouble with in small group settings, which reinforces our sense that the new school with smaller classroom size will be optimal for him. We hadn’t heard from the new school in a while, but were informed they did talk to both his current teacher and the social worker, and it sounds like they are just waiting on this updated evaluation from his current school to move forward in the application process.

It’s a long game kind of thing, I guess. I told my husband we need to start finding a place to live. But first we’re going to enjoy a little Spring Break. MIL is flying in tomorrow.

Have I mentioned my son gets his impatience from me? I hate waiting for anything.

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Hmmm…is he able to write yet? One intervention is to write questions, with the absolute promise that the teacher will read them at a pre-arranged time and answer them. Doesn’t work for all kids, but I wonder if it’d be worth a try here.

If he’s saying that he wants to communicate that he knows a fact, I’ve taught some of my super-bright kids the “smug smile”: tell me you know something by smiling real smug and nodding slowly.

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Hmm. He can write but he hates it. However during the meeting they did discuss giving him intermittent periods of getting his questions answered after group instruction.

I think he was saying he wanted to tell the teacher something she didn’t know (which I’m sure she does know, but anyway.) In either case he definitely wanted to crow about something he knew.

We may need to practice nodding smugly. That’s clever.

He was having a fit during interactive metronome yesterday because his score wasn’t improving after several weeks of dramatic improvement, so I need to sit down and show him a line graph of what progress looks like in the real world. I think the more concrete I make it, the more he will understand that sometimes you just have off days.