We haven’t annexed Michigan yet.
I’m in the US. According to the school the decision is data-driven, so they have to observe for a while. He is going to have someone with him for the next few days though.
I truly don’t know how it works, just that it’s notoriously hard to get one due to school funding issues.
We will be meeting with the IEP team in about 30 days, after they get a sense of the boy’s baseline. In the meantime they are implementing his most recent IEP from the previous school.
Mostly I’m just glad (hopeful?) they are not making this our problem to solve. They know what they are doing and are dealing with the issues appropriately. I’m hoping to get to a place where I don’t freeze up every time the phone rings.
I was away last week, so I’m catching up.
You are a GREAT parent, please don’t blame yourself for not being perfect and perfectly predicting everything.
I suspect your son is telling the truth, he can’t stop when he’s melted down. Once your body floods with “it’s bad” hormones it’s very hard to interrupt that, even for high functioning neurotypical people. I think you should believe him, but also suggest it’s a skill he can learn, just a really hard one. And work with him on that.
Best wishes.
i’m sorry the academy didn’t work out.
his new school sound like it knows what it is doing. i hope there are more “steps forward” and less “steps back”.
That’s awesome, and sounds like exactly what you are searching for!
The IEP was a game changer for my son. We went from “he’s been isolated in a room…will you come get him?” to being in a program that sort of expected his outbursts, and dealt with them.
My son eventually outgrew the program, and is thriving in middle school. But before he could develop the skills he needed, he had to stay in school.
It sounds like this place gets it. And I expect that your son will start to thrive once he gets the rhythm down.
I also think that public schools are actually best equipped to deal with behavioral challenges, far and above private schools. It might be counterintuitive, but the people with the best skills for dealing with challenging students seem to work for the public education system.
Thank you, I greatly appreciate your kind words.
I do think it’s a skill he can learn. I just need him to believe that.
I have to admit he seems to be doing better without screens. It’s not like the issues don’t exist, they just seem to be dialed down a bit.
Baby steps.
Since you’re in the US, I’ll share my experience in a wealthy Seattle suburb public school (Bellevue School District International School). First, the admin folks were happy when we got the autism diagnosis a few months into kindergarten as that opened up additional budget and funding areas.
Second, highly suggest you get someone experienced with writing IEP’s to join your IEP meeting. Our ABA manager did this for us. It was really really really helpful. She knew what to ask, how to frame the conversation, how to firm up goals, add additional goals, and was an experienced advocate in the room on our side. It was not adversarial, but I didn’t know what I didn’t know about IEP’s for the first few years. The teachers and staff writing the IEP goals, measurements, etc were experienced and well meaning, but the goals were on the easier side than what our ABA manager was able to add input on. One simple example, was Serena’s IEP had the establishment of a once a week lunch peer group to increase peer interaction vs eating alone or with the para. I’m sure AI engines can also take his old school reports, ABA reports, and provide suggestions and IEP examples that could give you ideas. I would still suggest a consultant or ABA pro to join in the actual IEP meetings. You have the right to bring in subject matter experts to the discussions.
Third, IEP’s are part of federal law (although gutting the department of education under the Trump admin) may have weakened enforcement. However, IEP’s are federally mandated, and someone with experience can help navigate pushing the right buttons to justify a para.
Fourth, it sounds like kidlet is being put in a regular classroom full time, is that the case? Or is there a resource room and he only does some mainstream classes? If he can hack it, you definitely want him in as many mainstream classes with accommodations as much as possible. Should a class simply not work, then there should be a staffed resource room with teachers to work with him for that specific subject. Eg, a mix of mainstream classes and resource room as needed. If he falls behind grade level, it’s challenging to get back, and he’s not around same grade peers on the social side. Para is critical at this stage to get him off on the right foot to make it a successful first grade and keeping up with peers.
Fifth, not sure the age. One option to keep in the back of your mind might be to repeat first grade if first try wasn’t quite solid enough of a foundation or base for second grade. A year more development and being on the older side of his cohort/peers could do wonders.
Yes he’s in the mainstream classroom. He’s been doing very well academically, several grades ahead in math and reading (and science.) For this reason I think everyone wants to keep him mainstream unless he needs a resource room for advanced math. He is an incredibly smart kid which is part of the challenge as well. He is six years old. I’ve never seen a math concept he didn’t instantly understand. When I taught him binary (age 4) I did three examples and he did the rest, up to 32. I didn’t even have to explain it to him, he just learned by example. He needs some kind of support for this.
We will probably bring in our son’s former BCBA for support. And my husband fortunately has extensive experience dealing with this sort of stuff. He’s a clinical psychologist who has worked with a lot of schools on getting accommodations for kids. And my current therapist is an endless resource as well. She’s always telling me stuff I don’t know about legally required resources and school-based intervention.
Husband and I decided to continue the screens moratorium. He’s not had screens for a week and the sky hasn’t fallen yet. He’s been happier and more chill overall. I think no screens is going to be the rule and the exceptions will be travel and vacation. I want this to be the rule for at least a year, maybe longer.
A good first week? Or at least making progress? 
Assuming no news is good news, yeah, a good first week. He started after school child care as well. So far he only had one day of that, but no major issues.
He’s just more relaxed. I haven’t seen a true meltdown since school started. He did hit me once but I just remained calm and we worked it out verbally.
Today was Beep Day, 9/5 per racing #95. All the Lightning McQueen plushies sitting on the table in a row in party hats. My husband made them all custom stickers of our son. We sung Happy Beep Day. And the boy got a Lightning McQueen T-shirt and activity kit.
My husband checked in with the principal today. He said Wee Weasel was “mostly in the main classroom” which passes for good news these days. He said they are still getting to know him. He is struggling with some transitions. The principal seemed positive and non-judgmental according to my husband.
I bought my son some (modern) Amelia Bedelia books, where Amelia is a grade schooler. I thought he would enjoy reading about someone his age who takes things too literally. He thinks figures of speech are hilarious so this was a hit. This kid is reading, man. He’s transitioning pretty easily out of picture books into middle grade fiction. Thank God he’s a reader. I was thinking maybe Judy Blume next. It’s a great opportunity to talk about emotions with him because he always has a lot of questions.
This weekend had some bright spots but was stressful due to work tasks, my husband still recovering from illness, and childcare. My two federal grants are finally done as of 30 minutes ago and my boss is out of office until next week so I’m taking the next two days off and just try to restore myself as much as possible. Plan today is to play video games and chill. And enjoy the silence.
That’s such great news, and transitions can be very challenging so that’s not something new the school is seeing.
I love the idea of the books, and it warms my heart to learn he’s a reader.
Has he read the If You Give a Mouse a Cookie books? What about Alexander and the Terrible Horrible Very Bad Day?
The roller coaster continues. Just got an email from the teacher cataloguing my son’s multiple instances of violent behavior today, including stabbing a para with a pencil and biting her finger. She is concerned about classroom safety.
I just have no idea what to do.
He says he wasn’t upset when he did it, but he’s not exactly capable of deep emotional insight. Beyond that he won’t talk about it.
I love Amelia bedelia! I tend toward very literal as well. And it has ended up in some famous family stories. Of course I put it in the toaster. He asked for it toasted…
Books are a great way to explain things and cultures. They open the world.
I’m glad to hear he is doing well so far. I hope things continue to improve. Oh, no, I just saw your update. Oh dear…
Can you contact the para directly? They might have some insight.
OK!
Just had a very good (I might say incredible) meeting with the IEP team.
This was not even an official IEP meeting.
They delivered a freaking power point incorporating learnings from the previous school and parental input from our recent email, went over strengths and challenges, explained current interventions and showed us several graphs of preliminary data identifying what had preceded incidents of aggression and what interventions were successful. This included the not wonderful statistic that over the course of four days they documented 17 instances of aggressive behavior.
They said they didn’t get much from the old school’s IEP because not much had been done - that was validating. They said he needed way more support than he had been getting.
Until his IEP meeting in October they have arranged for a 1:1 support person. No promises about a permanent support person, that decision would be data driven, but right now he’s getting that extra support.
They said he was a sweet boy and a great kid and they were excited to work with him and very grateful to us for being communicative and supportive. The social worker (truly outstanding woman) said they have seen kids make huge strides in these areas, but that it could take months or years. She said they were not in a hurry with him and it would take time to build skills and they are 100% expecting that.
We all agreed that it was best for us to reinforce at home what he is getting at school. She gave us a big envelope that contained all the different tools and coping methods they are using, visual reminders we can put up, cards, and expectations and social stories frameworks in very clear language. She also said he has access to a sensory regulation station and it would be good for us to have one for him at home. She then provided us with a number of objects used in his classroom station. Toys and tools and fidgets and that sort of thing. She just gave them to us to use at home.
One thing they were working on with him was Expected vs. Unexpected behavior, Spouse Weasel was surprised and said he’s been asking at home, “Was that unexpected?” So everyone was delighted to hear this is already starting to carry over (it’s been less than three weeks.)
He shared that this morning our son said, “When someone is telling me what to do, I can’t tell whether I’m in trouble or if someone is trying to help me.” So they are going to look at how they can teach him that.
It’s just one of those things you take for granted that the kid intuitively understands. Makes me wonder what other assumptions I’ve made.
I’m beyond impressed with these people and here’s the hope: that we can get off the roller coaster. Not because he won’t have hard days but because he will have stability and consistent support even on those hard days and that even slow progress will be celebrated. They aren’t telling us “hurry up and fix your kid.” They are committed to helping him in the long-term. So I’m hoping that as the system supports him we will start trusting that system and maybe I can start to relax and not panic every time something goes wrong. It’s about changing my own mindset too.
Very grateful for these people.
This is a public school? Damn. That seems like very impressive support, at least from my cheap seats.
That all sounds terrific! (Well, except for all those aggressive incidents.) It sounds like they have a realistic plan to help him, and that they are involving you as a partner. And that wee weasel is onboard with developing the skills to cope with neurotypical society. Best wishes for a happy and healthy new year!