IMHO whether that’s wrong or right depends on what those things are. Posting a bikini photo on Instagram = not anybodies business / no big deal. Posting a racist / homophobic / bigoted rant in general, a picture at a Klan rally, etc. is a whole different ballgame, and not to be overlooked.
I mean, there is a line- I used to work a girl who entered a fetish calendar girl competition, and asked the male half of the couple who owned the company (and one of their sons, who worked there) to vote for her, and I think most of us would agree that that is over it.
Sharing a couple of sexy pics on instagram that some co-workers might see? Nah. Yeah, some people may start treating her less seriously, but how many of those who do are going to be delights for a young, attractive woman to work with in the first place?
If you can refrain from slapping women if they don’t stop talking at you you’ve got Sean Connery beat though.
That’s just … I can’t even.
My general rule is that if I shared something online, on purpose, then I am pretty much sharing it with the whole world and would be inviting people to make judgements and consequences may come from that.
So I do not choose to do so in the first place, easy for me.
If you as an individual are comfortable with dealing with that then fair enough, go for it. Of course I’m not the person you need to worry about. I’m unconcerned by any such images, sexy playboy bunny? comedy nazi? naturist volleyball pics? Stonehenge druid rituals? Viking swordplay? all the same to me.
What matters is how we interact face-to-face on a personal level and to what extent, if any, your performance is compromised.
That mindset is the problem, though. The bigoted ranter in your example has the exact same attitude as bikini photo girl. Neither thinks her content is a problem until the villagers show up with pitchforks, and both think it’s nobody’s business/no big deal.
Likely her peers all have the same kinds of photos on their IG pages. There will be lots of pictures which are not appropriate for work, like cutting loose at the bar, pool parties, boat parties, etc. But most people have stuff like that on their social media pages, including your old fogey coworkers. They might not have sexy Halloween pics, but they probably have bathing suit pics on their Facebook pages from when they were hanging out with friends drinking at the lake. Stuff like that on social media generally doesn’t affect how someone is viewed in the workplace. If it starts to actually enter the workplace, then that’s a different story. If someone dresses in sexy outfits at work, then it will affect how others see them in the workplace and may have some negative consequences.
As a woman in the workplace, I feel like I’m balancing on a tightwire every day with how I present myself. I have had male coworkers make snide remarks to me about other women behind their backs: how they can’t take a woman seriously because her shirt is too informal, or her legs look too fat in her skirt, or she doesn’t have enough pride in herself to watch her weight, or she doesn’t wear enough makeup, or she wears too much makeup, or her clothing looks too immature for a woman in her forties.
And this is all just about physical appearance! This isn’t even touching upon the fact that women are interrupted more than men in meetings, or they are asked to take the meeting minutes and plan the social events since those are stereotypically female things to do (even if your job has NOTHING to do with either of those things), or how it’s shocking if their kid is sick and they still show up to work but it’s not being a team player if they go home to their family while their coworkers are staying late in the office, or how a woman who is approachable is disrupted more frequently so others can complain about office politics and social dynamics, but if she is unapproachable that brings its own criticism.
My point is that it is exhausting to be a woman in the workforce, to watch everything you do and say, what you wear and how you walk, all in an effort to be seen as attractive and approachable enough to be respected but not attractive or approachable enough to be sexually harrassed or taken advantage of.
When I am outside of the office, I am done with that bullshit. I am wearing what I want to wear and posting it, and if someone decides to friend me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram, they need to know not to expect the same level of obsession over how I am presenting myself.
Exactly. It’s a Halloween costume worn by an attractive woman. It’s not at all surprising that it might be something sexy, or at least engineered to show off her attractiveness.
Would it be any different had it been a male co-worker who works out, whose Halloween costume was some sort of bare chested, oiled-up professional wrestler getup? I don’t see how that’s any different, honestly- it’s a costume taking advantage of a good physique as well.
Now if the instagram account is nothing but sexy selfies, bikini shots, etc… ALL the time, and not just Halloween/vacation, then I’d say it’s anyone’s right to do that, but might not be the smartest professional move you could make. Even then, there are different gotchas- what if they’re a bodybuilder/fitness competitor on the side? They compete in bikinis/banana hammocks. IMO it’s not reasonable to expect someone to hide their otherwise socially acceptable pastime because someone else might be bothered by it.
Now if it’s like an Onlyfans or something along those lines that’s sex-oriented, I could see the objections from their employer- that skates close to anything else controversial the employer might not want to be associated with- white supremacism, conspiracy theorists, Antifa, etc…
A closer parallel would be if he were dressed as a Chippendale’s dancer – and no, it wouldn’t get the same reaction from me, since I’m not attracted to guys.
I am curious if someone who is attracted to guys would have a similar reaction as I did to Lisa as a Playmate. But I know expectations are probably not even close to parallel.
I had a coworker post shirtless pics of himself in Facebook stories, so I would open up the app and it was the first thing I saw. It definitely made me uncomfortable, even though he had a nice body. (To be fair, there’s a lot more to this story, including repeated rejections and a shirtless pic of him showing up in my PMs and involving HR on more than one occasion, and most definitely unfriending him – but I’m not sure any of that is relevant to the overall point that I did not appreciate seeing my coworker shirtless.)
I suppose this makes me a hypocrite, considering the last post I made.
Hypocrite? I don’t think so. “Human” is more like it. Your coworker has the same right you do to portray himself online however he wants, but you get to own your reaction to his posts.
Plus, you have a difficult past with the guy, which understandably amplifies the reaction.
One thing this thread highlights is that it’s not a good idea to have coworkers as followers on social media. If they are truly your friends, then okay, but not general coworkers. Coworkers see you as cogs in the corporate machine who should represent the company ideals at all times. They don’t see you as an individual with unique and independent ways of expression. If you want to link up social media with coworkers, use something that is work-specific like LinkedIn. On a platform like that, people know to only post stuff that is work safe and won’t negatively impact how their coworkers see them.
They may both sincerely think that, but holding a sincere belief doesn’t make that belief correct, as Jon Gruden (to use the most recent example) could attest to.
The default setting on Instagram is to have your profile public, where anyone can follow you. I actually did remove the coworker I mentioned earlier from my Instagram followers, but that meant having to learn Instagram and switch my privacy settings and remove followers. Just want to point out that “not connecting with your coworkers on social media” is sometimes an active process, whereas connecting is the passive one.
Another awkward situation: my manager sent me a friend request on Facebook. That’s really uncomfortable any way you slice it: inviting him into your personal life and personal posts can be problematic, but ignoring a friend request from your superior and direct supervisor can be uncomfortable as well.
When my daughter was applying to colleges (and later to employers) she set up and maintained a second Facebook page to give out links to that was kept squeaky clean. Her friends all did this last as well.
Do people still go to that extreme?
I wouldn’t judge her, because she’s an individual adult who has her own reasons for doing what she does, and I may not understand them. Perhaps she is cynically using her looks to get ahead. Or maybe she enjoys defying convention and wants people to see that she’s both atteactive and dapable of being a professional. Maybe she just values the attention more than she worries about reputational damage at work. Whatever her reasons are, they are hers.
My personal rule of thumb is that, even though my social media feeds are completely anodyne, I never give the addresses to co-workers. I would refuse a manager who tried to friend me. And if I wanted a job and was told I’d have to surrender my social media passwords for scrutiny, I’d refuse the job first, even though there’s nothing there remotely objectionable. Maintaining borders between work and private life is important.
Employers will absolutely look at the social media feeds of prospective employees.
Anything you post on social media under your name is likely to find its way to the view of the potential employer and they are likely to make an assessment of your character based on what they find there.
I don’t any online presence under my own name but my advice to my kids (who may choose to have a social media presence) is to not post anything that they wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing up or justifying in a job interview.
I don’t know enough about social media to know if the “alter-ego” dual presence is a safeguard.