Thoughts while on hold, or Let's Get Small

My job sometimes requires me to be on hold for anywhere from 5-10 minutes at a time. If I’m lucky, I’ll get some decent music, but mostly it’s some horrifying canned crap.

While trying to not slip into a coma, my mind begins to wander. I look around my cubicle and wonder what it would be like to be about two inches tall and trapped on the shelf above my desk.

How would I get down to the floor and escape? I figured the best way would be to drop down about an inch-and-a-half onto the grill of the small oscillating fan and climb down it to the desk surface. I could then go behind the PC and shinny down the power cord. When I got to the floor I would hope that there aren’t any hidden vermin, roaches or rodents, lurking under the desk waiting to make a meal of me. I would then try to make it to either of the two doors and wait for someone to open them so that I could get outside.

Of course, the route home has now increased by 34 times (I’m 5’8" or 68" tall). My house, which was 1.6 miles from the office, is now nearly 55 miles away (all figures based on scale, or course). I can walk about 4-5 mph so I’m now looking at a 10-12 hour trip. Assuming I’m not eaten or crushed on the way.

So, I finally make it home. Now what? My keys are now far too small to work in the locks. There’s no way in until my wife or kids get home. How will I get their attention? At that size, my voice certainly won’t carry very far. Even I do get lucky and slip in the door when someone is coming or going, there’s three cats to deal with. I’d certainly end up as kibbles and/or bits within seconds.

The horror of it all. Being eaten by one’s pet or pets!

Oh, wait, the operator’s on the line. Finally.

usually i just read a book. sometimes i get caught singing along to the hold music.

i am not fond of the happy voice woman telling me what a grand company it is, and the wonderful services they provide, while on hold. i find most of the time people don’t update the happy voice woman, and much of what she has just told me does not apply.

Did anyone else expect to see something about Steve Martin in this thread???

Oh, someone PLEASE tell me what that book’s name is - the one about the little people. I read it a zillion times as a child.

Mr. Blue Sky - your cats will recognize you and spare your life. I’m 80% sure on that… :stuck_out_tongue:

The Borrowers

The Borrowers spawned four sequels. I had an omnibus volume titled The Complete Adventures of the Borrowers.