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Where Do You Keep Your Emergency Sponge?

Oh, you want to know? I bet you think you’re spongeworthy.

I use them to wash produce to make sure I don’t get pregnant from a tainted carrot. I read that can happen, even to guys. It was in Readers Digest.

You sure it wasn’t the Penthouse Forum?

Yeah, that was it. I get those two confused.

I can see why. One’s wholly exploring literature, and the other one is literature about exploring holes.

That confusion is probably why I can never seem to get one of my letters published.

Why, because you need to explore more holes? A “personal spelunker” if you will.

No, it’s usually more like “Dear Life in These United States, this has never happened to me before…”

Or a “Wow! I never thought it would happen to me…”

The Secret Life of Banana Slugs and Other wondrous Adventures.

Stevie Wonder’s “A Journey Through the Secret Life of Plants”: Best Album Of All Time?

I’m kinda hungry right now.

I had sushi for dinner.

Country fried steak with mashed potatoes. Mmm Mmmm good.

SSG Schwartz

Never been big on mashed potatoes.

French fries or mashed potatoes. A poll.

SSG Schwartz

Motherfuckin’ french fries!
Mashed potatoes taste like pre-chewed french fries.

How fast can you eat a raw potato? What about a whole sack of them?

**Guess where I hide my potatoes. **

SSG Schwartz