Thumping the 'spouse abuser'.

I have been reading the Straight Dope Message Board for around two months and I thought I’d like to post this here.

I just got out of jail after a day being held in that stinking hell hole because I decked a piece of shit.

I’ll give you the picture so you’ll understand better. On Saturday night I was driving home from having a few drinks at my favorite bar, Sexy People, which is a strip club, but a nice one, classy and heavily controlled, like no bikers, no fights, no mobs of grinning wetbacks pawing the dancers and pulling knives, just people wanting a good time. At around 2 AM, I drove past the Pine Garden, a rental community, all single story, and heard a ruckus, like a chick screaming, so I hit the brakes and looked around and I saw some guy pounding on this girl between some cars in the lot. She was trying to get away and already had blood on her face and no one else was out there. Since the bastard was big, I shouted at him to knock it off, hoping he would stop and run, but he didn’t and I jumped outa my car, grabbed my trusty military billy club my brother had given me years ago and ran for him. I was shouting at him all of the way, but he just ignored me and when I got close enough, I swung the club with both hands into his arm and hit him hard enough to make him stop pounding the girl.

Then, figuring he might decide to come after me, I whacked him in the face before he could recover and he went down and I whacked him in the shin, smacked his elbow a good one, got a home run on his jaw and one over the fence on his left arm. Man, you can beat the crap out of a person with a billy club real fast, and my brother had adjusted his before he gave it to me, He poured a lot of lead into the tip, a trick he learned as an MP, because it gives it that extra force needed to get a drunk GI’s attention on pass.

I sort of messed him up. Someone called the cops because when I got done, they were there, along with an ambulance and they took my club away and made me leave the guy alone, unfortunately. Turns out, the girl he was thumping on was his now exgirlfriend who he did not give permission to dump her. He broke her nose, fractured her cheek and this big assed ring he wore cut her above the eyes. She explained to the cops what I had done and I was a hero! The ambulance crew found out that he has a broken wrist, broken jaw, split lip, and a deep cut in his scalp along with some real nasty bruises and possible fractures from me and I was happy about it. This guy wasn’t, swearing at me the whole time and trying to get me arrested and I was just more worried about the blood spatter I got on me, just in case he had AIDs or Hepatitis B. He was drunk, so I figured from the way he ran his fatassed mouth, he was not in all that much pain, yet.

I went home after giving my report and getting a hug from this girl there and my club back. I had to clean it off with Betadine solution when I got home because Betadine, that surgical scrub that you see surgeons using on the patient just before cutting them up, kills anything nasty.

He did not have anything nasty, I found out on Monday, except a long rap sheet on assault, fleeing, DUI, DWI, theft, burglary and possession of drugs as well as several convictions on spouse abuse so I figured he was a real sweet heart and felt glad I dinged him a little.

Wednesday I was arrested for felonious assault and spent $250 bonding out. The guy filed charges against me. Real fucking sweet huh? According to my lawyer he has a case because one whack or two might have been OK with my fists, or even the club, but pounding him into jelly is not. It’s called using excess force. He figures that it might not even come to trial or if it does, it will be dismissed but I figure even if it is, I get to pay around $1000 in lawyer fees!!

You know the crooks got more rights than the innocent! My lawyer and the cops agree that I did the right thing and off of the record say I should have pounded him more about the head than I did because maybe he might have learned a little. I keep getting ‘mysterious’, calls on my phone now, that no one says anything and I figure it’s him.

I think I might have to pay him a visit soon with an ax handle instead of the club when no one is around. I did get cheered up by finding out that I caused him to gain 150 stitches in his face and head and I’m thinking of getting a tire thumper, which is a billy club like thing with a steel band at the tip, used by truckers to thump their inner tires with to check air pressure.

Can you figure that though? If you are attacked and in fear of your life, if you beat away the guy, then go after him and continue beating on him, you are using undue force! Now, if you flee and he comes after you, still beating your ass, his charge remains the same no matter. Same with a gun. You shoot a guy in your house or business intent on doing you harm with a gun, it is OK, but chase him out of the door in a rage and shoot more shots into him as he flees and You Go To Jail also and he can sue you! Let him flee and he might come back and finish the job.

The way I figure it, if you’re going to be a crook, then it’s open house on your ass! Beat up on small women and you takes what you get when another guy shows up. I know where the guy lives and when this is all over, it’s going to be time to recoup my layer fees when there are no watchers.

a) good for you for doing what you did

b) you knew you were risking serious legal charges, didn’t you? the congratulations given above are prefaced, at least in part, on your deciding to do it anyway.

c) don’t go after him. if he goes after you, THEN knock his teeth out with the ax handle, but if you go after him for pressing charges, they’re gonna lock your ass up big-time.