Computer programmer. Mine have pretty much already been done.
I have decent general personal computer knowledge, and I use a Windows box, a Mac laptop, and a Redhat server at home, so odds are I can fix your computer, build you a new one, or set up your home network. And I will happily do so if you are
[ul]
[li]My mother.[/li]or
[li]An attractive woman I’d like to sleep with[/li][li]Hi Opal![/ul][/li]Otherwise, lots of luck.
Hey, Sol, who do you work for?
We might even know each other … .
I am a librarian.
I do not hang out and read all day long. In fact, at this point, I rarely have time to read for myself - there’s about 10 minutes after I crawl into bed and before I fall asleep. What I do get to read (usually at lunchtime) are those items related to my subject area or professional literature.
I don’t go into pangs of agony at the thought of getting rid of a book. It’s absolutely necessary sometimes. Sometimes, it’s not necessary.
ARGGH!! Just reading this account makes my blood boil! Argh!
I’ve never gotten any treatment that was remotely that bad, though once in a while people see how “fast” I can draw things and assume that I’ll charge for my artwork according to how long it took me to do it. (“Why, it didn’t take you that long, it shouldn’t cost me more than a few dollars!”) The reason that many artists can draw something “quickly” is because they spend hours, years, decades practicing at it. They didn’t get paid to spend all that time practicing, they just did it. So if they now want to charge $XXX for for something that didn’t take that long to complete, they’re entitled. And if someone doesn’t like the price, they can just scribble on a piece of paper for an hour themselves and see how well they like the outcome.
It’s very sad that you don’t do much calligraphy. It sounds like you were very good at it. Do you ever do any just for yourself?
Amen, amen, AMEN. One my (least) favorite “job offers” usually goes something like this: “Hey, can you do a picture of my dog? I’ll even pay you for it!” Really? So when they find out that I charge a minimum of $250 for any portraits that are more involved than a sketch on notebook paper, they become indignant. After all, I enjoy doing art, right? I would be doing it even if I couldn’t get paid, so therefore I should do it for free if someone wants me to!
I teach college classes. When people hear that a class is just 1.5 hours long, or 3 hours long, they sometimes assume that I only work that many hours!
They don’t realize, first of all, how intense those hours can be, with coordinating, roll calling, calling on people, writing down names, writing on the board, looking in the book, collecting papers or giving them back, and more.
And they don’t think of the countless hours I spend outside of the classroom on grading, preparation and planning. If a student plagiarizes, I have to Google for the hard evidence, copy it, and make a report. Then there’s all the regular adminstrative paperwork, and returning or making phone calls and emails.
I’m not complaining about the work itself; it’s the people who think that I really only work a few hours a week. Duh.
I currently work in a medium security prison, but I’ve worked in several maximum security ones and the procedures are the same. Our only weapons are our wits, our charm, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.
No? Damn. Well then, I’m not taking THAT job.
I’m an artist type, too. Actually, I’m a professional crafter, which means I get paid, under certain circumstances, for doing specific crafts well. None of those specific crafts is flower-arranging, so it would be just swell if people would stop asking me to come up with flower arrangements for their weddings, showers, whatever.
I also have to deal with the “why is this so expensive?” crowd, and I also get clever little comments like “Well, I could do THAT!” Yes, you probably could. The basic materials needed for this particular item cost this much and you’ll need some tools, and yes, I’m afraid if you’re going to recreate this item you’re either going to have to have a firm grasp of polymer chemistry or be a real whiz-bang improvisor. I say go for it, and good luck to you!
I’m a medical technologist working in a hospital pathology department. I run lab tests as ordered by physicians. However I don’t have a magical machine that sucks up specimen at the touch of a button, beeps and whirs, then spits out whatever results are wanted. What I do have is a collection of cranky instruments that need to be properly maintainanced, calibrated, programmed, qc’d and sometimes talked nice to before they give me the results I ask for. This takes an actual amount of time. Not instantaneous, sorry. Every once in a while, out of spite I’m sure, they jam up and I have to fix them. (Lab rule-the busier you are the more instruments decide to take a vacation.) Each instrument runs specific tests and sometimes I have to tell doctors that, no, the lab can’t run the test they’ve ordered. I’ll have to send the specimen to a lab that can. I’m not just being lazy, we haven’t got the proper reagent/instrument for every test that there is because, well, the budget is finite and we need to have a certain level of demand to justify the added expense of running those labs in-house. Finally, some tests can’t really be automated with the current level of technology. They have to be done manually which usually takes longer than the instrument tests. A cell count on a body fluid for instance means that I have to load a tiny chamber with the fluid, put said chamber on a microscope stage, look through the eyepieces, and count each little cell. As in 1…2…3…4…5…6…7… etc. Calling me on the phone every five minutes to ask if I’m done yet interrupts me, causing me to have to start over and thus delaying your results even more. Knock it off. Thanks.
“I charge $2 for drawing the picture. The other $98 is for knowing how.”
Copywriter here, who does a great deal of copy editing. I often get told “you’re just proofreading, how could that possibly take so long?” :rolleyes:
Sing it! How often have I been asked to, “Just whip this out, OK? You draw, don’t you?”
Worse is Mr. Cotta who is a writer/editor and has relatives and friends tell him they have a great idea for a book/story/play/article and they will give him half if he will ‘just write it’.
:smack:
Another astronomer here. I can just about aim a small telescope at the right place and get an image (if I’ve remembered to take the lens cap off, that is!), but I’ve done a fair bit of naked eye observing before, so I can name constellations and stuff like that. The astronomer/astrologer thing never arises anymore for me, because I just give people The Death Stare if they so much as think that I even care what star sign they are. 
However, what does annoy me is the entire “you get to go to nice warm sunny places to do your observing. You astronomers are soooo lucky. I bet you placed those telescopes where you did on purpose just so you could get funded holidays.”
Right:
I am a radio/X-ray astronomer. Hence, most of my observing is done remotely.
Two weeks in Hawaii observing sure sounds great, but where’s the fun in having to work at the top of a mountain all night? Or how about two weeks observing in the Swedish mountains. In January.
Yeah, we put the telescopes where we did on purpose, but not because of the want for free holidays. No, we are not making this up. Conditions for observing really are better when there’s not that much chance of constant cloud cover.
As an urban planner, people seem to think that I have the inside scoop on the real estate market. I’m always getting calls from Ma and Pa realtors wanting to know, “What’s the next hot place to buy land?” Dude, if I knew that, you think I’d be making $40K a year? The developers are very careful to keep that kind of info secret and they sure as hell don’t tell us until they’re ready to start the development process. By that time, the land is long since snapped up tight.
Yes, lot’s of people have had windfalls in the land market. But usually it’s because they’ve owned the land for decades before anyone even thought of building out there. Or they inherited it from the long time owner. They don’t understand how the big guys do it: Buy land that’s relatively worthless and therefore cheap. Then go change the zoning or future land use plans for that land to make it four times more valuable. These guys spend ten million dollars in order to bring in 40 million.
Just thought of another thing:
Most of my work involves a lot of business writing: Web sites, press releases, marketing collateral. I also do copyediting. I couldn’t tell you how many people are absolutely astonished at my hourly or per-project rate. “You charge that much?!? I could just have my secretary do it for free.” Well, screw you, too. For one thing, living in the Midwest, I charge significantly less than my East and West Coast counterparts. And if you want a professional to do it on a consultant basis, you’re going to have to pay consultant’s fees. I do this because I’m good at it, and I charge you that much because I have to put food on the table somehow, and if you want your secretary to do it, don’t be surprised when the work isn’t very good. I have no delusions that I’m some sort of artist, but asking a specialist of any sort to do something for the same price you’d pay less skilled hourly labor is a lot like going to a hamburger joint, demanding a gourmet meal, and wanting to pay for the price of a burger.
I can’t tell you how many people do this. It’s ridiculous. Or there’s some schmuck out there who wants you to ghostwrite his “exciting fascinating life story” not for money, but for “exposure.” I’ve been approached a couple times by people who think that publicity and exposure (both of which are very unlikely when you’re writing for someone nobody’s ever heard of) should be enough to satisfy any writer. The thing is, by the very nature of ghostwriting, you’re giving away all rights so the “author” can have their name on the book. So even if the thing does become a best seller (less than a 1% chance), no one will ever know you wrote it anyway.
Sweet. I’m a chemist and I do have some knowledge of chemistry. I even have a Masters Degree. No, I am not MacGuyver, I cannot whip up amazing things from household chemicals without cracking a book or looking on the web. I can make chlorine gas, but that’s no big deal. Yes, water is a chemical, deal with it.
I test pharmacuticals for a living. No, I will not make your illegal drug. Yes, I could but I still won’t to prove a point. I don’t want to hang out with Little Nemo at his job. No I don’t know the consituent products/side effects of every drug in existance. I test three drugs which you can only get through a hospital/clinic. No I don’t know about the government conspiracy to make artificial THC. I do not get a discount on drugs. Even if we did, I don’t want the ones we make. One is mostly sugar, the other two saline.
The pharmacuticals we make are radioacitve and used to diagnose problems in patients. No I’m not terribly worried about the radiation, it’s all low level and mostly low energy. It’s monitored very well. I’m more conserned about the carcinagenic organics or our caustic and poisonous hydrofluoric acid. No I do not glow. Yes, the lead brick I brought home from work is MUCH heavier than an ordinary brick of the same size.
I work in the backstage side of live theatre.
-No, I can not get you free tickets for the show. If everybody came for free, I wouldn’t get paid.
-No, I have absolutely no desire to be an actor. Really. I mean it.
-Just because part of my job is to do electrical work, that does not mean I can fix the wiring at your house. I know how, but I’m not a licensed electrician, so it would be very silly for me to do work on your house.
-No, I will not get you (some random person)'s autograph. We work together in a professional environment, and I’m not going to hound (some random person) while they’re at work.
-No free tickets.
-No, I haven’t seen (some random show). The only shows I’ve seen in the past 4 years are shows that I’ve worked on. I spend all day in a big dark building; I have no desire to spend all night in another one. And at this point, going to see other shows makes as much sense as an accountant paying to go watch other accountants work. (Of course, there are exceptions to this.)
No, not any more. I would have done our wedding invitations a few years ago, but my wife and I put together our wedding rather quickly, and I didn’t have enough time to plan them out and do them the way they should be done. Thankfully, my wife was willing to understand how much time it took, and didn’t ask if I could, y’know, just knock them off one night after dinner.
But I am getting closer to getting back into it though; my wife has seen the things I used to do, and would like to see me do such things again. For her, I just might. I still have all my nibs and pens and brushes and other supplies; all I’d need would be some fresh ink and new paints, really.
I make my living now as a technical writer, mainly for computer hardware and software, though I’ve written other sorts of technical manuals as well. Pretty much all the statements made here by the computer professionals and writers/editors apply to me also. No, I can’t help you install a game, proofread your child’s school paper on the spot, or answer detailed questions about your spreadsheet program–though I may be able to help you if your home computer is connected to an RF system in your rail yard, or your nuclear reactor needs a cleaning. My stock response is, “Read your manual,” though I will sometimes insert @!#% in there if the situation warrants it.
But I get my share of idiotic assumptions. Yes, I’m a writer, but not for newspapers or magazines. I do write books, just not the kind you can find at your local bookstore. No, they have never made a movie out of one of my books. (I do smile at this, wondering just who might play, say, some accounting software’s Accounts Payable module–Clint Eastwood, perhaps? “Go ahead–make me pay!”) I do not write the software, just the manuals on how to use and maintain it. If you want to find a literary agent, I can’t refer you to mine; I don’t have one. Of course, if you want a referral to my technical writing agent, I’ll be glad to give you some names, but don’t expect them to shop your children’s book manuscript around.
I have to deal with this a lot too. Preach it, friend!
Absolutely. With a good CCD camera and a modestly-sized telescope, amateurs can some pretty amazing things. Asteroid, comet and supernova searches, asteorid occultation observations, asteroid and variable star lightcurves, and lots of other projects. I should stress that when I say “amateur” I only mean “someone who’s not getting paid to do this.” Many amateurs have much more than a modest telescope! And you should see the commercial and homemade components they trick 'em out with. Expert amateurs rival a professional astronomer for general knowledge, and can certainly surpass the observing skills of a professional when it comes to working with their own rigs.
Not to mention that comets are still being discovered by dudes with big binoculars. 
It’s interesting to me that the copy editors on the board get the spellcheck comments. I work in publishing, and any time I tell people what I do, they always go, “Whoa…” like it’s big shit or something. They seem impressed that I am an editorial assistant who does copy editing, proofreading, and a million other tasks. No one has ever acted like my job is easy.
Their ignorance is thinking that I really do a lot of work around here. 
And then the stripper thing, well, we’ve been through that a few times.
All strippers are not prostitutes
Some of us really are, or have graduated from, college
We don’t like you
You will not get a date with us
Not all strip clubs are dick grind joints
and…
You can be a stripper for fun and profit and not have any underlying emotional issues.