This control-freak letter, names changed to protect the guilty and innocent, first appeared a few years ago on Awkward Family Photos and has been making the rounds ever since. Just wanted to make sure you get a chance to read it. And please “Do not forget anything.”
Awww… That Marnie! What a sweetheart she is to do all the work behind putting together the family Thanksgiving dinner!
Gives me the warm fuzzies every time I read it.
Wish we had a Marnie in OUR family!
The embroidered cornucopia looks nice, though. You know what would have been fun? If she’d assigned someone to bring an actual cornucopia, with really specific directions.
I wonder about Marnie’s family - not necessarily Marnie, who we laugh at, but the quantities of food involved. FIFTEEN pounds of potatoes. Five pounds of asparagus, 3 qts of squash. Some unidentified quantity of stuffing. But apparently only two pies that probably won’t show (really, I always assign pies to the person I’m sure will bring them, the person who won’t show with anything gets the cheese tray or the green beans), and two half gallons of ice cream? And no whipped cream? I’m assuming Marnie makes the turkey and has the cranberries (god, I hope they have cranberries).
We have two. I’d offer you one of them, but these days they focus all their controlling attempts on each other and the rest of us manage to muddle through without their supervision and direction. Somehow, we all survive.
If I got a note like that I would politely refuse the invitation.
Or maybe not so politely.
I’d bring a pizza.
I’d send my regrets.
What exactly is a “regulation size” casserole dish? Who is writing these regulations and by what authority, and where may I obtain a copy so I am not in violation should the casserole inspector stop by?
Most recipes I’ve seen specify either a 9 X 13 or 8 X 8 dish.
If someone in my family tried this, in future years they’d find that there’s an alternate family dinner that they were not invited to.
And oh hell no, I wouldn’t go.
Wouldn’t that depend on whether you’re Lutheran or Baptist?
Casserole dishes, according to Marney, appear to be the deep round ones with lids. Because she has strong feelings about lids NOT ALUMINUM FOIL.
This is the kind of thing that led to my not being home for Thanksgiving for the last 30 years.
Do we know if this is really real?
I don’t believe this, it’s a gag.
I’ve read it before, and I suspect it’s not real. Because if it were, I would run. Across oceans and deserts, over mountains and through forests, to get away from someone that controlling.
In other news, the Prime Minister of Canada made Page 2!
Try Thanksgiving letter #2, submitted by the writer’s very elderly father:
“Sprite or nothing.”
If i got this letter I think I would devise ways of sabotaging Marnie’s plans in an attempt to blow her mind. Perhaps bring two bottles of Clos du Bois or a casserole with both green beans and asparagus. Hilarity ensues!