To Mother Nature - Get with the program, lady! This is June! You know, late spring, verging on summer. It should be in the upper 70’s/low 80’s, bright and sunny. Why the hell is it in the 50’s and raining like it’s still early April? I want to bask in the warmth of the sun…
To Mom - I know I seem to be the one family member blessed with any sort of understanding of electronic devices like VCRs. But for heaven’s sake, you’ve been using one for almost the last 20 years, something should have stuck by now. If all the tape is spooled on the right-hand side, it means that you are at the end of the tape, and you will HAVE TO REWIND if you want to use the tape again. Attempting, repeatedly and incorrectly, to reset the VCR clock and/or scheduled programming isn’t going to make one bit of difference.
To the cat: I am not a scratching post!
To the sky: enough with the rain already! The drought is over, now. Please give us one sunny weekend.
To the dishwashing machine: you are crap. You don’t even get the dishes clean. I have to prewash everything, you piece of junk! Your days are numbered.
I’ll try to make this brief. My rant is directed toward the seven employees that I supervise (they are all women - why me? why me? For the record, I’m also a female.)
Employees #1 through #6: Please stop bitching about/tattling on Employee #7. I have no idea why you all despise her so much, and quite frankly, I don’t care. If you guys don’t get your shit together and work together as a team, I’ll fire the lot of you. I am not, repeat not a third-grade teacher.
Employee #7: Whatever you’re doing to piss off Employees #1 through #6, please stop doing it. Now. And, since you KNOW they hate you, it might be a good idea to refrain from engaging in long personal phone calls. Does it not occur to you that they will run in and tell me??
Employees #1 through #7: The company dress code is posted on our intra-net. Read it. “Business Casual” does not mean showing up in grimy t-shirts, looking like you just rolled out of bed. Also, even if the dress code allowed for midriff-baring shirts (it does not), not one of you has the figure to pull off this look. Trust me on this.
Man, I feel SO much better!
I am a nice boss, really.
Just when I finally find the perfect moisturizer, why, why do they stop making it? There was the Nivea. Not too heavy, not too light, absorbed excess oil and had sunblock. Perfect. I haven’t been able to find it in years.
Then I found some by Avon. Again, not too heavy, not too light and absorbed excess oil, but this one didn’t have sunblock. Okay, I can live with that; my makeup does. Guess what? Yep, they stopped making it. They make all the other products in that line, the cleanser, the mask. Just not the moisturizer. Wha? Why the fuck NOT?!? :mad: :mad:
Now I have to start searching for moisturizer again. And waste money on products I don’t like, or don’t work, or break me out. :mad:
To the idiots that are calling for an ex-employee that hasn’t worked for atleast the last 8 years.
Stop the f***ing calling, we have told you over and over we have no one by that name and that they haven’t worked here in years. To continue calling will not make us able to produce said person. What do you want, I can’t pull him out of my butt, I never met said individual, neither one of us in the front office have. No matter how you pronounce his name or ask the name of the company he will not magically appear. Do you not understand that you need to take our number off your computer when we request you to? Morons!
To foreign companies: if you want to sell your product to my company, then hire a decent translator so I can understand what you’re saying. Or just write it in your native language and I’ll find someone to translate it. But I’m not even going to try when you send me email with sentences like “Awaiting to read you back” or “Use <their product> to make any object speaking!” Let me clue you in to something: just because the words you’re using are English doesn’t mean the sentence is.
To Mr. Coworker- Close your door when you use your speaker phone. The whole office can hear your conversations.
To my Upstairs Neighbor - Either get a new bed or some WD-40. I really don’t need to hear you and your girlfriend shagging every night.
To my Landlord - Why must you mow the lawn at 7:30 AM on SATURDAY? And if this is a non-smoking building, why can I smell your cheap cigars in the hallways?
To Mom - If you want to know about Brother’s love life, why don’t you ask him? What makes you think I know? Bro and I have barely spoken to each other in years.
(1) I don’t want to listen to your fucking pop-reggae and rap “music” blasting so loud it can be heard down the goddamn block at any time of the day or night, or to that similarly blasted by your asshole friends who double park and sit there waiting for you to come out of your house or apartment. ** Turn it the fuck down** and tell your buddies to do the same! You wanna crank your tunes till your eardrums burst go ahead, but put on some goddamn headphones!
(2) We all live within two minutes’ walking distance of a large and beautiful public park, so if you can’t train your brats to play quietly instead of running around and screaming while you stand around chatting it up, take them to play in the park! I’m sick to fucking death of the noise.
(3) No one, even you apparently, responds to your obnoxiously earsplitting car alarms, so disconnect the damn things already.
(4) Meet your carpool partners (or rides for the evening) outside the building on time please, so they don’t have to honk their car horns repeatedly to get your attention.
(5) Time your laundry and take it out of the washers/dryers so that the next person can use the machines!
Hmmmm, this is therapeutic. I’ll come back maybe when I have more “mini-rants” like this.
To my (ex?) manager-
What the fuck is wrong with you? I do more fucking work than you, I do everything you ask me to and the kids like me so what the hell are you hiring new people for while telling me that you will call me if/when you need me? At least have the deciency to fire me to my face, don’t just have me train new people and then not call me. And by the way, you owe my $21! Don’t think I forgot. Bitch.
To my physics teacher-
You are a teacher. Teach, God dammit!
To customers at TJMaxx-
If you are going to get a Debit or credit card, learn how to use it and what it’s for. I don’t know whether your card is debit or credit or both, thats something you should know, not me. Also, if you try something on and do not like it, put it back on the fucking hanger, don’t just throw it on the floor. IT IS NOT THAT HARD.
To all of the fuckwits in my school-
I hate you all. Why you bother breathing is beyond me. You are a waste of space.
Wha? Why the fuck NOT?!? :mad: :mad: