I am reminded of a Stanislav Lem story. The infamous Pirx receives a knock on his door. A wizened old man is at his door, and tells him he has spent his entire life developing a time machine, but he needs an investor because he has used up his life savings to create the machine, it is now finished but he’s been evicted from his home and now lacks even an electrical outlet to power the device for a test. Pirx loves a good crackpot, so he says he will consider investing if the guy demonstrates the machine.
The inventor plugs in the machine, sets the dial for 50 years in the future, stands on the machine and pushes the switch. Pirx watches in horror as the inventor ages 50 years in a few seconds, dies, his corpse begins to decompose, and then vanishes. Now as Pirx retells the tale, he says he has been waiting 50 years for the day when a decomposed corpse will materialize in this room. And today is the day.
And dont forget to recalibrate your curly wire (oops Time Coils) to emit a Tachyon burst!
Sorry, not Tachyons, but rather Chronotons.
This guy is totally baked.
Any fool knows you don’t buy a Time Machine. You rent it and when you’re done with it, you return it to the moment after you rented it. This is why the rental rates are so high.
My power runs closer to 120vac. Do I need to recalibrate the curly wires so I don’t overshoot my target time?
Oh.
My.
God.
I was kidding when I criticized not including a flux capacitor. This guy claims to have built one. Maybe he should look into dilithium crystals and death rays
This has got to be one of the most outrageous websites i’ve ever seen. hoenstly… has anyone ever mailed this guy or offered to buy soemthing from him? Mr Gibbs certainly doesn’t sound like a budding physicist to me. Maybe we should all chip in and pay a quarter to have a time mahcine delivered to Cecil’s house.
You think thats funny check this sale out…
Yadda yadda yadda - so just go back and give their great grandfathers a few condoms.
My Time Machine arrived in the mail this morning and seems to be working fine.
Now I just have to remember to send the order form in tomorrow. 
Recently bought one i think he could have made some adjustments, maybe come out with a v.1.2?
had to rewire flux cap. also tinkerd with the time coils adding one cb radio antena so as to make time travel possible on other worlds. changed to 210 becuz at home wiring differs from original setup. added quartz crystal casing so not to damage during travel. Upgraded to windows 2000 advanced server because of the shutdown glitch in 95.
Wired up four sears car batteries to give extra emergency boost incase stuck in a diminsion/time not capable of power needed.
Recently bought one i think he could have made some adjustments, maybe come out with a v.1.2?
had to rewire flux cap. also tinkerd with the time coils adding one cb radio antena so as to make time travel possible on other worlds. changed to 210 becuz at home wiring differs from original setup. added quartz crystal casing so not to damage during travel. Upgraded to windows 2000 advanced server because of the shutdown glitch in 95.
Wired up four sears car batteries to give extra emergency boost incase stuck in a diminsion/time not capable of power needed.
I just ran off a hard copy of this thread and intend to put it in a time capsule which the local ladies club are burying next week.
If this doesn’t confuse the Fowler Historical Society of 2101, I don’t know what will.
Great. I’m out forty bucks and now I realize that the first through seventh keys are even harder to find. I have the Space Time Collector up and running, and I’ve collected 120 cubic metres and 38 minutes, but I don’t know what to do with it.
Greetings, past-Dopers! It is I, hyper-evolved FUTUREFENRIS! From the FAR FUTURE YEAR of 2200. Of course, I am a disembodied head and am typing with my tongue, so the keys are getting all yukky, but I digress.
It is through the MIRACLE of TIME TRAVEL (if it weren’t for certain tantric tricks taught to me by the Swedish Olympic Bikini Team in that long-ago summer of 2037, I would NEVER be able to use my tongue on both the SHIFT key AND the LETTERS!) that I am able to be here today with you. PASTFenris (he hasn’t earned the right to and all CAPITALS name like truly advanced posters like SPOOFE yet. But he will!
In any event, it is thanks to the HYPER-DIMENSIONAL RESONATOR that I am able to be here today, with you. My primitive, Neanderthal-like cousins. How I pity you. I will tell you that Cecil will run, unopposed, for President in the special election of 2011, bringing with him an age of enlightement and wonder previously unknown to mankind. His enemies will flee in futile horror as they are ground beneath his bejewelled sandals. And certain people, posting on THIS VERY BOARD will be among his assistants! His first act was to explain the secret questions and answers to LIFE, THE UNIVERSE and EVERYTHING! It will all become clear! Just a few more years, my Cro-magnon friends, and you will see the dawning of a new age!
AN AGE OF CECIL!
But now I go, back to the future! I will see you all there, and we will scoff at how little we knew.
Before I go, one warning:
If PASTFenris reads this thread, HE MUST NOT POST TO IT or the resultant Time-Space Paradox will destroy…um…something. I’ll get back to you on the specifics, but it won’t be good! Beware!
Hyper-evolved FUTURE-FENRIS bids you Good Day!
Just got my new SHARPER IMAGE catalogue.
They got a 12-volt time machine that runs off the cigar lighter in your car! It also ionizes the air and jams police radar.
Then again, I hear RONCO is coming out with a pocket model.
Hmmm…
Buck The Diver <—proud owner, Popeil Pocket Time Machine
Is it shaped like a jukebox from a 1950’s diner? If not, I’ll pass.
Free Handy Time Machine:
If you look at the sun, you are looking 8 minutes into the past. Therefore, you are 8 minutes into the future.
Personally, I’d rather have a Tim machine.