I was shooting for “dry and understated.”
tap, tap, tap… Is this thing “on?”
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? WHERE.IS.SHIBB???
Well, I’m awake now, thankyouverymuch.
I’m thinking about printing a T-shirt that says:
Licensed Character.
Do Not Emulate.
Not terribly funny, I know, but it has that head-scratching factor going for it, which is what my sense of humor usually get anyway, so I figgered I’d just go with what I know, ya know?
Now where were we? (I think I just used up my quota of 'w’s and 'e’s) Oh yeah, I’ve been wondering about Shibb too. I’ve seen him out and about (the boards) so I know he isn’t dead. It’s a puzzlement.
Why am I here? you ask, (many people do) well, I’m here 'cause I don’t have to be anywhere until 10:00. I was supposed to be somewhere, but he called and put it off until 10, so here I am. If I had more time I could go to the bookstore to get books for my trip. One needs books when going on a trip. Sometimes two need books as well, for when they get tired of playing with each other. But I have to go alone this time, 'cause my family makes my wife crazy. They make me crazy too, but I love them, so I’m able to withstand all the craziness for extended periods.
Which reminds me, Welcome back Rue. I hope you’re all rested up for the strenuous work ahead.
Hmmm. In retrospect, that might not be the best place for that sentence.
I think I’ll just move part of it down here:
Welcome back Rue.
There. That’s better.
BTW, my ears are just fine.
Bumbazine - at loose ends.
See, that’s good too. I was going for loud, sarcastic and obnoxious. Course I’m also trying real hard not to go out, buy and uzi and cut loose on certain employees. Right now that’s real hard. Purty soon there’s gonna be some job vacancies round here is all I’m sayin’. The grumpy boss from hell has had it.
Ok, so, on to other stuff. My official big 5-0 bday party is occuring 5 days before the actual day, which is ok with me cause I wanna spend that day hanging round the pool by myself. My sister and BIL are coming for the official party. YAY! They’re fun to party with. Party’s gonna be at my pool. We’ll start around noonish. Y’all come on by if ya want.
-swampbear (we got us another ‘lectrical storm a’comin’)
I just realized that I inexcusably failed to answer Rue’s question, and it certainly wouldn’t do to snub the MMP-In-Chief. There really wasn’t much squinting involved, as that was intended to be more of a “wry twist of the mouth and tilt of the head” type of sarcasm with a little self-recrimination thrown in. At least the sarcastic intent came through, if not the exact variety.
That’s not always the case; sometimes the sarcasm doesn’t come through at all. Due to an unfortunate Pit thread, there’s about a dozen people in British Columbia who believe I have some sort of irrational hatred for Canadians. Sure, they’re a bunch of touque-wearing goofballs, but what’s to hate?
We have to keep that one. It’s the bedrock, cornerstone, flying buttress and clerestory window of civilization. It’s very important.
And you know, Lissla and earthpuppy should bring their funny t-shirts. But they shouldn’t wear them. You wouldn’t want to ruin the funny t-shirts by dripping nacho cheese on them or anything. They’ll just have to be shirtless like the rest of us. It’ll be our theme: Bare Torsos.
Did earthpuppy say something or am I hearing things?
No. No dibs for you. In fact, any men you would have dibs on, I have dibs on. In case you have forgotten, not only do you have Mr. Lissar, you also have two or three spare husbands. That’s quite enough men for you, missy.
Bumbazine, I want a Do Not Emulate t-shirt! the funniest t-shirt I have now says Re-Defeat Bush on the back. I do have several witty buttons, such as I’m the person your mother warned you about; I remember my face, I just can’t think of my name; Still looking for signs of intelligent life; and * Being weird isn’t enough*. Of course, if I try to wear the buttons while I’m shirtless, it would get messy, and painful, and we don’t want that, do we?
A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, saintly lady (someone like me, maybe) in the back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front, so she slowly she made her way towards him. The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”
Remember, Rue strongly recommends that you laugh at my jokes.
BWAAAHAAAHAAHAA!!!
Sorry, that’s all I could muster up for that joke Kalley. I knew the punchline after reading the first sentence. So, it got more of a chortle than a full blown laugh that time. Keep em coming though. Ya never know when I’ll bust out.
You know, I checked back there on the my back and felt around for eyelashes and such, and didn’t feel a thing. On the other hand, if it’s a chocolate chip from eating ice cream in a most exuberant way, then it must burrowed in there because the middle is a black hole.
It would be sort of cool if it was an eye, but it should be place higher, like on the back of my head. Then I really could have “eyes in the back of my head” which would help at work since my back faces the door. I HATE that.
In further news, I’ve been referred for another job which would be a promotion. A NICE promotion. I won’t know anything for a couple more weeks since the guy doing the hiring went on leave or something. I’m not counting on it, but still, it’s nice to know I’m qualified. The guy doing the hiring called me and asked if I was still interested in the job, so maybe my “chance” quotient is a little higher this time.
My friends just bought a travel trailer and now hubby has a bug up his behind about it. :rolleyes: I mean, it would be nice and all, but it’s just another bill, and I don’t want any extra bills right now.
I don’t have any t-shirts with funny sayings on them…guess I’ll need to look around. My license plate frame does say “YOU!!! Out of the gene pool!”. That’s sorta funny…isn’t it?
Taters a third eye. Now that would be way 
. I’m sending some more South Jawja good vibes and stuff about the job. I’d cross something cept my fingers are already crossed about the back thingy and well, I explained bout why I can’t cross my toes. I could cross my eyes for ya but then I couldn’t see to post or drive or go to the bathroom and such. So good vibes are all I got right now.
Tell hubby that if he got a travel trailer he’d be bound by law to not be able to drive over 45 mph on any interstate in the country. That oughta discourage him. 
Your license plate is funny. I don’t have any funny tshirts either unless you count the one that says “I Got Had At Hattie’s Hideaway Hotel” which I don’t wear anywhere cept around home and my Big Dog tshirt that has rules for BBQing, most of which involve drinking beer. I only wear that one for special occasions like big pool parties that involve grilling, cause it’s special.
Lissla, I’m sorry but I gotta go with Kalley on this one. You have menses to spare so no dibs for you. Besides, me and Kalley called dibs first, So There! 
I had two hotdogs and a bunch of french fries for supper, but that’s ok cause I had a salad, so that balances everything else.
-swampbear (there’s a cold beer or ten in the beerator calling me, so y’all excuse me)
I think you missed the point there, Angel Pants (it’s okay, she’s out on the deck enjoying the last of the sun), the important thing here is that Taters is up for a promotion (Yay!!) and is at least taking prudent steps in regards to the mysterious growth on her back.
I don’t understand the delay, though. When my girlfriend went blind we went to the ER, then she got an CAT scan which was inconclusive, then she got an MRI, and we found out she had Multiple Sclerosis. Then we did the whole IV steroid thing, and I had to deal with the IV, but it took like three days. I’d think that your doctor would get a little more proactive about dealing with potential melanoma. Don’t give me the HMO excuse, because that’s what we have.
That dealt with, does anybody mind if I rant about the cell phones again? You don’t? Great.
I just got my first bill for these stupid things. It’s actually due sometime next month, but I figure they wanted to give me all kinds of advanced notice. Given that every drug dealer on every street corner has one of these damned things, I can’t blame them for sending out the bill a tad early. Heck, Axel has to have time to call in his markers, right? That’s not my beef.
These people just don’t seem to follow generally accepted accounting practices. I had to look at happy fun crap like this:
Other charges and credits
Service activation: $35.00
Service activation: -20.00
Subtotal: $1500
Total surcharges and other charges and credits: $19.59
I mean, really, what the hell? I had to read all the fine print and drag out a calculator to figure out where the other $4.59 came from. Could you jerks just tot it all up in the same column, and not just leave it the hell out so that it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever? Jackasses. Do they think I’m stupid?
Don’t answer that.
You want to know where the $4.59 came from? Hell, I want to know how they took $20 away from $35 and got $1,500!
[sub]oh, that’s not what you meant to type, was it?[/sub]
-scout, stickler for GAAP
I said it before, and I’ll say it again:
I’m looking for “clever,” not “smart assed.”
If you weren’t a hot chick, you’d be in all kinds of trouble.
Mr. Lissar agrees with swampy and Kallessa. This is no fair.
And everyone is politely ignoring that I said I was lame. I need affirmation that I’m cool, dammit!
In other news, we got a bunch of copies of A History Of Cheddar In Ontario today at work. Anyone want a copy?
Why do I not find it strange that swampy would immediately recognize the potential of a hymn? 
ok panting I am here, I’m just freakin’ busy with actual WORK (I barely remember what it is) and sick young master. So no holidays for the Danger Clan, and we went swimming on sunday, twas YM’s first adventure! ‘woowoo!’ he said!
That kinda fit in with most of the stuff on the first page of the MMP.
I’ll be back to regail you with MOS burgers and over-caffeinated posts soon, I promise!!!
did anyone notice I wasn’t here yet?
I noticed, if it helps. I also noticed that we’re still Shibb-less.
That’s it. He’s forced me to resort to hog calls.
Soooooooiee!
Shibb, Shibb, Shibb, Shibb, Shibb, Shibb, Shibb, Shibb, Shibb, Shibb, Shibb, Shibb.
Soooooooiee!
SHIBB!
That ought to do it.
Welcome back dangergene. Glad to hear the Young Master enjoyed his first adventure.
I think Shibb is making a point of ignoring the MMP. He’s been around. I’ve seen him. Ignore us, we don’t care! So There!
And good for Mr. Lissla! You man hog you! So There!
Kalley I was trying to find a polite way of saying "that joke was oooooooooooooooooooold. But I didn’t. So There!
Ex that was some mighty fine hog callin’. I am impressed. So you don’t get a So There!
-swampbear (So There! )
I don’t have any funny t-shirts or third eyes or extra hubbies. I feel inadequate… 
Swampy, better brace yourself for all kinna “over-the-hill” decorations and gag gifts and such at your pool party. That’s what they did at my 50th. I believe it’s some sort of initiation to the 50s thingy. Deal with it.
Kallessa, Consider this laughter