Titles for movies which (if there is a God) will never be made

Te he…

Who’s Eating Gilberts Grapes?

**The Muppets Save Private Ryan

103 Dalmatians

More Dalmatians

Even More of Those Goddamn Dalmatians**

Anything directed by Michael Bay (Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, Con Air)

**Atlantis the Incontinent

The Rush Limbaugh Story

The Dr. Laura Story

Cecil Adams is Dead**

Jim Carey’s McBeth

Roe vs Wade: a musical comedy

Old Mother Hubard and Rover: a love story

Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing Who Shot 12 Classmates

Austin Powers: Full Frontal

Urban Legend: Tampon Scare

Go Ask Senator Kennedy

Hum: the Bill and Monica story