Well if you havn’t got wet-wipes handy, you can always spit on dry TP to get the same effect. Also helps to ‘pinch’ before you wipe, and to wipe while sitting down.
Cheers, Bippy
Bet your ass you got a hemmorhoid! Having one will make you feel “unclean” and pushing is what causes them in the first place. Stay on the toilet for the shortest possible amount of time, eat fiber and drink alot of water, and don’t push hard.
This same thing happens to me alot too. sometimes i can have a nice healthy poo with hardly any clean up being necessary. Other times the poo seems ok, nice and firm and intact, but the clean up is a pain in the ass! I can wipe and wipe and wipe but there is always more shit on the paper! eventually i just give up and go about my business, but later on I feel the need to do some follow up wipes. I can wind up making repeated trips to the bathroom during the day just to wipe my dirty ass some more. I try to time my bms to doing it just before i have a shower because it seems after a shower i dont have that unclean feeling anymore. Also I am constantly worried that I am carrying around a cloud of ass reek when i have this problem.
Get a wad of TP from a stall, wet it in the sink, then take it back into the stall. Or wet a paper towel in the sink and take it into the stall to wet the TP.
Well, if nothing else, at least I know I’m not the ONLY one who has this problem.
As for hemorrhoids, I’m pretty sure there would be some other symptoms, like pain and itching…
Barry
godzillatemple are you my long lost brother? Maybe we can get together and wipe eachothers asses. Also I just got done wiping my ass…AGAIN!!!
Oh, man, I love this thread… I am totally cracking up!
Oh, yeah… and another vote for sitting (easier access to the parts in question), and wet-wipes as well.
Good luck!
Man, I never thought I’d be sharing this stuff! When this happens to me…I mean someone I know who told me about it, when I…he didn’t have time to sit there and wipe and wipe, I…I mean he folds up like two small squares of TP into, kinda’ like a small, man’s maxi-pad, and wedges it up there between the cheeks to prevent them skid marks and that dirty feeling until I…he can get to the bathroom again. Works, really does…or so I’ve heard.
Well, My husband tells me (because this has never,ever ,ever happened to me in my entire life) that you need to wipe upward, and then downward, and repeat untill you’re clean.If you only wipe one way you can miss a crevise and only catch the lip of it, thus causing the missed shit. Of course I really wouldn’t know about any of this:D
reluctant as I am to join this fraternity… I too suffer from this every now and then… when I do, it is usually for a week or so. Wetnaps definitely help. Changes in my diet rarely help. the hemmoroid angle bears investigating… hrm…
and, yes, this is one of those weeks (thanks for asking.)
As I’m reading this thread, I look over and see my cat cleaning her bunghole in her usual fashion. Now, that’s the way to avoid feeling “less than fresh.”
:: does it’s-not-only-me dance ::
Man, you guys have no idea how releived I am that this happened to others. I thought I was doomed to live my life having the weight of my dirty anal secret on my shoulders forever.
I try to crap before a shower, wipe, shower (including a well-aimed stream of warm water), get out, wipe again, and not eat for the rest of the day so as to preserve my cleanliness.
And if I walk a ways or otherwise work up a sweat, it’s all over.
What fascinated me most about the whole Dead Sea Scrolls thing is that we learned that one of the things that set the qumran community apart from others in the area was their strict rules about total-immersion bathing after a poop.
Personally, I think that the early Christians were onto something, there. I know that I feel altogether more worthy to walk to and fro on the planet when I can contrive to get my daily poop synchronized so that it occurs each morning sometime between the brushing-of-the-teeth and a nice hot shower.
The way I look at it, residual poop is not a problem that can be solved with tissue paper. If you had a bit on the bridge of your nose, or maybe just a little under your eye, would you feel content to simply rub it in with a bit of paper, no matter how “pillowy-soft” said paper was? Hell no, you’d had some soap on that spot just about as soon as you possibly could.
When this conversation came up with a fella I used to work with, he said that he was raised to wipe until the paper came away clean. He further said that he felt this was a dubious way of ascertaining the relative cleanliness of one’s bottom, and instead preferred to wipe until the paper came away clean, and then continue to wipe until it started to get a bit pink.
Myself, I’ll stick to soap and water.
Whenever I take a dump, I usually bring my super-soaker in with me. Sure, it can get a little messy, but dammit, I hate the feeling of leftover feces wedged between my two giant ass-cheeks. It’s like putting warm, dripping peanut butter between two bit hams and sliding them back and forth.
So we’re supposed to use, corn cobs, lady’s clothing or livestock. I don’t think so. I’ll just stick with my 2 rolls of toilet paper.
I wish I had a link, but this thread reminds me of my favorite all-time SDMB quote (paraphrased): “I have a very hairy ass. So, at times, I’m faced with a situation not unlike trying to get peanut butter out of carpet.”
He recommended the baby wipes, too.
I wish I had your courage godzillatemple, I too have this problem but feared to speak out before now, thank you.
How can one properly wipe with two-ply fluffy toilet paper anyway?
[Ross Perot] You can’t shove a baseball bat in your nostril, and expect to get rid of clingers! [/RP]
I’ll take my one-ply 1000 sheet rolls any day, 20 for twelve bucks at Smart and Final.
(Weird, as I type this, Dana Carvey is talking about Ross Perot on Conan.)
Portable bidet’s the Answer to your problem.
…or Nature’s Platform.
…and don’t forget Nature’s Curtain.