I can’t get my head down that far. I always get a crick in my neck.
Ava
No, ava, you’re supposed to get the cat to help you.
I cannot believe I feel compelled to post to this, but it raises an interesting question for me. Are some of you trying to wipe after standing up? Seems that the sit-down wipe is just common sense.
Hum… just do what many Europeans do: wash. That’s why bidets were invented. I used to get skid marks until I learned to wash, and now I never do.
<hijack>
I find it amazing that so many Brits “accuse” the French of not washing, but seem quite happy not to wash their butts after taking a dump, while the French do.
</hijack>
Another here who isn`t ashamed to partake in this amusing discussion.
Me and my buddies refer to the follow up wipes as RWs. Thats it, Re-Wipes.
Me, “Hey Daryll, it`s your turn to shoot, where are you going?”
Daryll, “Aw man, Iv`e got to go in for an RW, be right back.”
Happens to the best of us man. For me, it depends on the consistency of the crap. A good stiff one will not require an RW. A loose one usually does.
Bring a bottle of water to the loo with you (heh that rhymed) in case you dont have wetnaps or you dont like the scented baby smell on your rear end. Wet the TP as needed to slean your sphincter. Wash you hands afterwards.
…and Now… for something a little different…
A bear and a rabbit were walking in the woods together. The bear turned to the rabbit and asked, “Does shit to your fur when you poo?”
The rabbit looks up puzzled, “no, it doesnt.”
With that the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his butt with him.
Ba-dumm-dum-CHING!!
You could just pull off your pants and drag your ass across the yard like your dog. Of course, be prepared for a long fertilized green streak come Spring.
Where else but SDMB can you have a serious discussion about ass hygene.
On Opalcat’s suggesition I got a LePetit Bidet and highly reccomend it. Just be careful with water pressure or it’s like getting an enema with Goldfinger’s laser beam.
Hmmmm… Better make that semi-serious, eh?
Barry
Water begins to squirt
Padeye: * “Do you expect me to talk?”*
My formula for a perfect wipe:
1.) Eat lots of fibre. This results in what I like to call Teflon-Coated Ploppy; in other words, non-stick.
2.) Shave your arse! Poo gets ingrained into bum hair, so it’s best to eliminate the problem altogether.
3.) Wipe standing up, with one foot on the floor, and the other on the toilet seat. Gives unfettered access to the area in question.
4.) Wipe upwards. Wipe downwards. Repeat if necessary.
Still, after all that it’s nice to jump in the shower. I might be clean as a whistle down there, but I want that fresh, confident feeling to go with it.
I’ll agree with the haemorrhoid thing, too - that always makes you feel like you haven’t quite finished going, not to mention the fact that the tenderness can make wiping difficult.
I’m surprising myself by engaging in this conversation…
I also find it helpful for a clean wipe if you kind of spread your cheeks over the seat (stretch open) - in other words “open wide” to give an unobstructed path. (Does that make any sense? I don’t know how to put it.)
Otherwise “they” can get, well, squeezed. You know what I mean?
Maybe I’d better go now…
[/leaves the room flustered and blushing]
I’ll just add myself here as a…
…me too!
hides in shame
Two guys are in a boat on a lake fishing and one has to poop real bad. They are too far from the nearest facility so they decide to head to the nearest shore. The man gets out and realizes he doesn`t have any ass-wipe with him. He digs around in his pocket and all he comes up with is a five dollar bill. He then promptly turns to his buddy and asks him if he has change for a five.
True story.
You mean to say that you trade out dingleberries for razor burn!?
I wish that I could help, but I never have this problem… and the baby wipes in the bathroom are for the kids. Really.
You have to be careful with the wipes though. My city still has combination storm/“hygiene” sewers, and we had a back-up problem last fall. And the wipes were part of the in-house problem.