No chocolate?? Get the hell out!
(Off to MPSIMS.)
I once knew someone who kept Jelly Bellys in a bowl on their desk, and of course there was one person who ate and ate, but never contributed. So the next time they refilled it with jalapeno beans, not the lime people might expect. Ms. Muncher took a mouthful, and walked away with teeth grinding, then started gasping in surprise. She then had the nerve to complain she should have been warned about the flavor!
Better yet, for Jelly Belly replacements, is the new Bertie Bott’s All-Flavors Jelly Bellies. A couple of those unexpectedly would cure them of THAT habit…
Strangely enough you can get Bertie Bott’s selections that only contain the bad flavours!
Years ago I started picking up Krispy Kreme doughnuts for the office every Wednesday. And yes, like Pavlov’s dogs, I would have people hovering around my desk if I was running late getting in.
I don’t bring them to work in the summer as it is just too hot, and a lot of people stop eating them due to glances in the mirror wearing their Speedos before going to the pool.
A few people over the years have quietly handed me $5 or $10 out of the blue as a thank you for bringing them in.
The only time I got a little pissed was when the cheapest cow-orker in the place actually got pissed at me for not bringing them in on a Thursday “because you were out sick yesterday, I would have thought you could pick them up today.”
She wasn’t joking either.
But it is true - once a year or so ago, I forgot it was a Wednesday and didn’t bring them. People were nice about it, but I could tell they felt like their dealer just told them he was out of stash for the weekend.
I’m the recipient of second generation whining. My dad taught at the same school I do now. Back when he was still here my mom would bake all sorts of quick breads for everyone to share during the holidays, as a thank you to the staff who helped him during the year. Now, my dad died a couple of years before I started teaching and I’ve been there for eleven years. Yet there are still people who gripe, to me(why me?) about how my mom doesn’t send the holiday quick bread anymore.
Dude, she’s 65, has emphysema and is recovering from cataract surgery. Never mind she lives 5 hours away, and has been retired for the better part of a decade. The only reason she sent them to your school anyway was because of my dad, who’s dead. Pony up for a box of CrustEze bread mix and leave me alone. Or do you not remember that it is the anniversary of his death tomorrow and we’ve got better things to do than bake treats for you? You should remember this because you were at both of his memorial services. Sometimes, people suck.
I stopped bringing in candy when my jar was always empty but I hadn’t gotten a thank you in over a month. Miraculously, the earth continued to spin on it’s axis, sans candy jar.
I have a coworker who bitches at me because one of the company giveaways is 1 pound bars of chocolate with our logo on them.
I guess she thinks that I’m going to protect her waistline from the supply of chocolate. I’ll trade my coworker for yours, though yours sounds dire.
What really sucks is that the same people who whine when the bowl is empty will often file a lawsuit at the slightest provocation, or at least threaten to do so. These days, one must be conscious of the unintended consequences of everything.
I’ve also noticed that when food of any type is left out in an office environment, it attracts attention. If no one is there to say anything, it is assumed that it belongs to the “company”, therefore is open for consumption. This stretches to the office refrigerator as well. It’s not everyone that does this, but it seems that there are some in every office of any size.
I used to have a candy dish on my desk. I usually kept it filled, but sometimes my co-workers would contribute. My boss at my former job got Jelly Bellys one time, so we were all excited, we’re getting the good stuff, woohoo! But somehow she managed to pick the three nastiest flavors of Jelly Bellys. These weren’t even Bertie Botts, just normal old JB’s, but it was some kind of berry flavor that tasted like soap, a coffee flavor that wasn’t too bad, and some other flavor I’ve forgotten that was also unpleasant. And she only got those three flavors, not even a random selection of many flavors, like you’re supposed to do when you buy Jelly Bellys. It takes sheer talent to pick out the only yucky flavors of Jelly Bellys.
I had a rule against putting lollipops in the candy dish, because she had the most disgusting way of eating them–she’d grab one, park it in her cheek, and suck and chomp on it at the same time, with her mouth open, talking around it. :eek: Slurp, chomp, smack, until I wanted to scream! After the first time this happened, I thought to myself, “I really shouldn’t put lollipops in the candy dish.” Time passed, I forgot, and I put lollipops in the candy dish again. After another senseless lollipop slaughter, I took the rest of them out and never did it again. Then she left the used lollipop stick in the copy room. Nice.
Candy had a way of disappearing while I was at lunch. The one person who consistently took handfuls of candy while I was away from my desk was, coincidentally, independently wealthy, didn’t even need a job, yet somehow he couldn’t buy his own candy. He did bring in some candy once, but it was only part of a bag of candy, not even the whole bag. Another co-worker brought in some seriously old candy that tasted nasty. It must have been stuck in a closet for many months. Probably leftover from a long-forgotten Halloween.
I gave up the candy dish at my current job because it all mysteriously disappears when I’m not in the office. The last straw was when a woman I didn’t even know stopped by the office, asked if she could have some candy, and then she took a handful. How about one or two pieces? People, where is your dignity?
Wow. That ended up being really long. Who knew there was so much drama around the candy dish?
Ain’t that the truth! I always claim I could leave a bowl full of gravel in the company kitchen and it would disappear gradually during the course of the day.
I thought giraffes liked carrots? 
Least that’s hwat we fed them last year at the fair.
It was my post that got the thread moved to the Pit, wasn’t it? Well, I wouldn’t have gotten so upset if I’d had some chocolate to calm me. Unfortunately *somebody * hasn’t re-filled the candy dish.
HA! I did something similar to that once - I bought this new gum flavour (cherry ice mint or something like that) and it tasted like particularly awful cough syrup - completely inedible. I laced the communal candy jar with pieces of this terrible gum.
At one job I had a supervisor who would always grab a couple of whatever I was snacking on. We had a great relationship, so I didn’t mind, but one day I was snacking on supersour candies (my motto - the sourer the better!), he didn’t realize they weren’t regular candies, he grabbed a couple, and gave me this look like a kicked puppy when he realized they were sours. I laughed until I stopped.
I’m basically a good person. Honest.
Actual trick used by someone I know: 1 jar of pickled garlic cloves, one large block of chocolate confectioner’s coating, toothpicks, and a double boiler, and you’ve got… :eek:
You don’t have to pick through them. A number of bulk candy places, like in the local mall, have bins of single flavors of beans. They do the same thing for different colors of M&M’s.
A customer at the grocery store was buying Altoids and told me her husband was always raiding them. So I told what I’d do: refill the can with generic asprin. Let him crunch one or two of those and watch what happens. She got an evil grin on her face and I wish I could have heard how it turned out.
I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, Hypno-Toad, but aspirin is an anticoagulant–meaning that it’s a blood thinner. What might seem to be an innocent prank on your part could have some pretty nasty effects on the unsuspecting butt of your joke. Practical jokes tend to be iffy, anyway, when it comes to determining what’s funny and what’s not; practical jokes involving medicine, however, cross the line–especially when you don’t know how that medicine is going to affect the recipient.
In the future, please refrain from bringing up such suggestions on this message board.
You don’t even need to go to that much trouble - just buy chocolate-coated ginger. I’m sure there are people in the world who actually enjoy that, but the reaction from us normal people is “What in the holy hell have I put in my mouth?!?”
Ain’t that always the way?
I, too, kept a bowl at my desk, filled with Hershey’s kisses. After a while, they were disappearing much too quickly for me to keep up with the demand (basic economics, I just don’t earn that much) so … when next the bowl was empty, I filled it with Japanese gummy candies with no English on the lables.
Two weeks went by before anyone even asked what they were 
but, after a while, a few people tried them after seeing me eat them and developed at taste for them :smack: