To my customers, who seem unclear on how to treat telemarketers

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Through my sins in this life and my last, my job is to call companies and send their officers information on my master’s product, and maybe schedule a followup call from a proper salesoid. Fortunately, my master’s other products are used by pretty much every public corporation in the world, and this product, though on the market for only a few years, is a solid alternative to its competitors. For this I count my blessings, because I could be selling pest control or credit cards to the scum of the Earth, consumers. Instead, I was put on this program because I grew up around CEOs, VPs, lawyers, and accountants, and I’m not afraid to call anybody. They’re my peeps.

However, to make my job more interesting, most of the leads I’m given are in marketing, sales, or PR. Fine; if they answer the phone they are wonderful sources of who to talk to. If they don’t I ask the switchboard operator to make a suggestion. Often the operator only has names and extensions, which can make that lead impossible for me if I don’t have a name, but sometimes I know of somebody, usually the big boss, because I worked on his house at a previous job, or because the guy is a household name for people who read the business pages. I don’t get him, but I get one of his assistants, and they have a better handle of who does what, anyway. So when I called Viacom I asked for Sumner Redstone’s admin, and she gave me to the right person.

… (drumming my fingers on my desk)…

Does she not know how this game is played? One of my bosses says that it is the gatekeeper’s job to put me through, but she’s from another planet. I’ve been on both sides of the phone and I know that the gatekeeper’s job is to keep me from talking to anybody. It’s been this way since Bell installed the second telephone. A telemarketer–or anybody else, for that matter–calls, the boss is on a conference call or just stepped into a meeting. It’s theater where I know that they are lying but we both pretend they are not.

I am shocked by the willingness so many people people have, from the operator to the CEO, to cooperate with me and sell their co-workers’ names to some guy on the phone astounds me. Sure, I’m a nice, polite guy (“You actually smile when you are talking to them.” “Why shouldn’t I? They’re nice people who want to help me.”), but they are willingly leading their friends to slaughter. Well, not actually slaughter, but to a three minute call that, likely as not gets them an email, maybe a call from a salesperson, and on a few occasions a chance to drop tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars on a good product they need. Completely unnatural.

And the worst part is that the Caller ID just gives an 800 number! I wouldn’t pick up that call at home, especially since it also doesn’t show our highly-reputable name, a name that I consider one of the best tools I have.

They don’t yell at me, they don’t swear at me, they are rarely even unpleasant. I just make my calls, make some sort of lame “sale” to 5% of them, get turned down by another 5-10%, mark down that so-and-so is the right person on another 15-20%, and keep on smiling and dialing.

I’m never going to burn off my bad karma at this rate.

2

Wait, does this mean I can just call up a multi-billionaire? Like right now? Who else is this easy to talk to?

3

Yes, you can. And it’s amazing how easy it can be. Be friendly and confident. Act like you do this all the time. (It helps that I do.) Be honest about who you are and why you are calling. Many of these guys like truthful moxie. You aren’t always going to get the big boss, but you’ll get his assistant. Many companies have fully automated systems so you plug in the name and get the boss’ voicemail. Again, it’s likely that only an assistant will listen, but maybe they’ll pass it along.

Middle management is harder to talk to, often because they are more harried or don’t have the confidence of the boss so they default to disagreeable. And some have risen to the level of their incompetence, like that boss of mine I mentioned.

ETA: And it really, REALLY helps if they have happy thoughts about your company.

4

As an IT manager, I get a lot of cold sales calls. In twenty years, I have actually followed up on, I think, three or four of them. It’s not quite as bad as getting a call from a telemarketer at home; in general, I may actually have a need for products similar to what they are selling.

Salescritters are in general a royal pain in the ass, but a good one, who understands my market and my business requirements, and who can provide me with useful information when I need it, is worth their weight in gold.

5

Another thing I have learned is if you know a name, and can ascertain via their webpage or other means what their e-mail pattern is (eg. first initial + last name) then you can get the CEO’s e-mail address without asking anybody. I wonder if bgates@microsoft.com* still works?

  • not really his e-mail address, just used for illustration purposes.
6

Read the story of when Richard Branson tried to call himself to see if his call would actually be put through.

7

I really, really, really hate cold calls. To the point that I’ve hurt myself when one has gotten through and turned out to be good. “Yes, that sounds like exactly what I need, but I never do business with a cold-caller.”

Oh well.

8

The reason they are so polite is that they are not eating dinner when you call and they are being paid to handle the call. Talking to you might be more pleasant than their real job.

9

I guess I’m the middle management scum :slight_smile:

I hate answering the cold call I’m not expecting. Normally I look at the caller ID and if I don’t know the number, I don’t answer, but sometimes people transfer then disconnect (I’ll get you my pretties) or I’m just not paying attention.

Then some poor person who likely understands that I am not the droid they need will talk as quickly as possible to get moved to the next chump. At work I am always pleasant. I was a receptionist in high school. Smile and wave. Smile and wave.

10

Ours is “smile and dial.” I love receptionists and do everything I can to make our interactions as fast and pleasant as I can. We are both phone workers and there’s no point making a crappy job worse. You will note, though, that I did not call middle management “scum,” but just said you can be difficult. The problem is that you have real work to do. CEOs don’t, but they like to look busy. That’s where I come in. You, and everybody else, only become scum when you go home and become consumers. I hate calling consumers, but I don’t really think of them as scum. Most don’t want to be interrupted at home, and the old dears who do will talk your ear off.

As for not recognizing the number, for some insane reason my caller ID does not mention my client’s name, which is my in into a lot of companies. I called a company in San Diego this afternoon, and gave only my company’s name and my first name, hoping that once again I’d be mistaken for one of our reps out there who knows everybody, serves on every public board he can, and is a beloved member of the community. Sho 'nuff, the receptionist went from gruff to as sweet as sugar.

You mean you answered your phone? I avoid IT guys because you never take a call. It’s fortunate that our system is so easy to set up and use that even lawyers can do it. Well, their assistants can. I don’t want to ask too much from lawyers.

EXACTLY! I come to this from a life getting my ass pulled out of fires by good reps.

Alas, for security reasons that should only affect the people calling or being called by consumers I am locked out of the innertubes. I hear, “It’s on the web,” several times a day, but can do nothing.

I’ve heard it’s billg@microsoft.com.

11

It’s a cliche that every manager in an organization has the power to say no but only a handful of the top people have the power to say yes.

12

And that’s why I’m often told, “Don’t tell him I gave you his name.”

13

Ah, when I was at Messybeast / GECM we used to get cold sales calls regularly and we had a lot of fun with them. Often the caller had no idea who we were and what we did (military aerospace). Much hilarity often ensued. We used to put the call on the speakerphone and gather round.

14

“Do you know who we are?”

“All I know is that you are some investment company I’ve never heard of in the backwater of Richmond. Virginia. Wait until you graduate to New York before you get snotty.”

“So you don’t know anything about the companies you call? That doesn’t seem smart.”

“Sir, they don’t pay me enough to be smart. I make around 200 calls per day and I have neither the time nor the technology to fully brief myself on every company I call.”

“How did you get my name and direct number?”

“It magically appeared before my eyes, and your number was dialed automatically without giving me a chance to figure out how to pronounce your name. As for how we got your number, either you went to a trade show once or a professional organization you belong to sold us your name.”

15

Alternative answer to “How did you get my name and direct number?”:

“Ma’am, your switchboard operator/executive assistant/CFO gave it to me.”

16

I think you might be missing the military part. :slight_smile:

17

This thread reads like a mugger disappointed in victims who don’t know to stay in well-lit areas and always where others can see them.

18

My uncle got his start in Air Force Intelligence and went on to, to the best we could figure out, work on AWACs at Boeing. He would neither confirm nor deny anything and just changed the subject. One time my dad tried to call him at work and the switchboard operator said, “Oh, he’s down in the lab. I’ll transfer you.”

Uncle was livid, saying, “Nobody is supposed to know about this number,” but that’s military security for you. :stuck_out_tongue:

ETA: And I call military subs now and then.

19

Once upon a time, I backed up the PBX operator at our compnay (local office of a Fortune 500 company), and we had a standard spiel when getting cold calls - I’d never suggest a name, or transfer someone who just asked for the CEO, or CFO or whatever, unless I was really certain who the person calling was or exactly who they needed to speak with. There was a department that I’d transfer them to so that they could get properly vetted.

20

It’s true. One part of my job is such gatekeeping–it is a serious problem if I send a call to my boss that he wasn’t expecting, even if I have a decent description of what the caller wants. I’m also in a small office so everybody (boss included) can hear everything I say on the phone, and my lame attempts to fend off callers are heard by everybody.

Of course, I got in trouble once because I tried to dismiss somebody who wanted to give us business. She announced herself just like any other cold caller though, and wouldn’t actually tell me what she wanted before I transferred her.