To my Rush-Libaugh look alike cow-orker

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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  • too mild for the Pit *

I was in the Army–I do NOT have a gun fetish. Yes, I am an excellent marksman, but I do not hunt. I shoot paper as a mental exercise. Violence makes me ill.
I conducted electronic espionage in the Army–I do not like spy novels or spy movies simply because they involve international intrigue. I just don’t give a damn about that stuff. By extension I am not fascinated with domestic espionage/FBI investigations. I’m glad we have the FBI, and I think organized crime is troublesome but again, I have no desire to immerse myself in the study of it.
I like to play computer games–but I only log about 3 hours a week, and that is in the wee hours of the night when I can’t sleep. I am not interested in Doom/Quake/Duke Nukem (except for the 1980s Duke Nukem games-those were kinda neat) type games, and I am REALLY not interested in Mafia/Spy assassin simulation games. Violence makes me ill. I also don’t think it’s in any way “cool” that the US is able to kill targets using unmanned drone aircraft. Violence makes me ill. Sure, I recognize the efficacy of assassination, but in no way is it “cool.”

Why, after 5 years of working together, can’t you figure that out? And why do you continue to want to engage my interest in that stuff? Yes, I know about Janes.com and no, I don’t shop there.

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You work with JD Hayworth?

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Dammit, Inigo, you’re his personal James Bond–soldier, marksman, spy and international man of adventure. You can’t hold out on him.

You’re depriving him of your “I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you” tales of close calls and intrigue when you were tasked with that assassination from the balcony of the four-star hotel in Singapore between romantic assignations with sultry Asian courtesan-spies. Or the time you infiltrated the Russian sub base at Murmansk to steal the battle plans and escaped only by seducing the base commandant’s wife.

If you were a good coworker, you’d drop the nonchalant, “I’m not into killing, or into current espionage matters” bullshit and admit that on weekends you fly to Afghanistan to try to romance Al Quida’s top stenographer into getting you into Bin Laden’s cave so you can take him out with one shot between the eyes.