I’ve got this occasional gig at a local coffee shop playing in a flute and guitar duo. It’s just a tiny place; we don’t use a P.A. We’re just loud enough to compete with the noise from the espresso machine. Barely.
So last night we’re a few songs into our set when this dipshit waltzes in and sets up his laptop on the table next to where we’re playing. And proceeds to spend the rest of the evening downloading and playing songs at about as high a volume as you can get out of a laptop. This throws us off, but we both figure we ought to be able to work with distractions, so we keep going. The other patrons in the shop keep asking themselves where the noise is coming from, and when they see this imbecile with the laptop, the look at him like he’s from Mars. The barista asked him twice to keep it down, but he was just oblivious. Meanwhile, our playing goes to shit. Missed cues and fluffed notes all over the place.
When we’re done, this dickwad packs up and leaves. I swear to god, it was like he was there specifically for the purpose of fucking up our set. I found out afterwards that he actually had a pair of headphones with him. What a goddamned cretin.
I’d have asked him nicely, then punched him in the face, any more rubbish and his laptop dies, screens are easy to damage, and hot sugary coffee is responsible for more repair work than almost anything else.
See, that’s the thing. You don’t need to risk assault/battery charges by punching the guy. You simply walk by, “trip” and dump a Galactic Cluster sized super sugary mess of liquid onto his laptop. Make sure to make it look authentic, though. No simply stumble and drop. Take your body all the way to the floor, then get up more worried about your own “injuries” and loss of coffee before you notice “Oh NO!” where the coffee went.
People are such chickenshits. I don’t mean the OP, or the barista, but whoever was managing the coffee shop. This individual should have insisted, to the point of ejecting the asshole, that he stop making noise.
Damn straight, Contrapuntal. The guy was being a dick, but the manager is supposed to intervene – why’d you book the live music there if you’re going to let someone screw with the show?
On a side note, I’m impressed that the noise from a laptop could actually interfere with your playing. I mean, most laptops have such lousy speakers that you can barely hear what you want to, let alone bother someone. Did you happen to catch the brand name on the laptop?
Oh, yeah, I think we can dispense with the technicality and send him to the special hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk in the theatre. This is close enough.
Well, the manager/owner wasn’t around–the only staff on the premises was the barista. As for the volume level of the computer, it was about as loud as the ring tone on a cell phone–which is what I thought it was at first, until it kept going–and that can be pretty piercing despite the dinky speaker.
Sorry my friend. You need a roadie (groupie ? blechh!) like me. My powers of persuassion are fantastic . Keep bangin your drum though , good things always comes to those who keep trying. And bad shit comes to those who need it.
I guess I should have read all the posts. Something like this would have been nice.Although having been a guitar player, best not to bust your pickin’ paw on some jackoffs grill. *British Balls are the Bomb. *
I am trying to figure out what this guy’s motives were. What did he say he was doing when the barista tried to tell him to to quiet down?
The only thing I can think of is that he was trying to send a point to the management that loud music doesn’t do well in a coffee shop (once again, this is not against the OP or anyone who plays in a coffee shop). Could be that he complained once about the coffee shop having music and him not liking the music or the volume, and he was protesting it by showing how it sucks when someone comes in and plays loud music.
That’s about all I can think of as to why he would want to do that. It’s a pretty insane idea, really. I’m not a fan of music in coffee shops (plugged in or not) but the reason it’s there is to attract customers who DO enjoy music in coffee shops so I do the rational thing and just don’t come at those times.
And I am really surprised that no one did enough to make him leave. That’s also insane!
agreed. recently, I was at lunch at a deli w/workmates. a table of high school students were nearby and well, being h/s students. one threw a pizza sauce laden breadstick at her friend, but her aim sucked, so it landed on my friends white shirt. they suddenly got quiet , I went to the staff who then marched over to the girl and said “don’t do that again” :rolleyes: we left. I called later to talk to the manager and let them know I wasn’t happy about how they handeled it. I haven’t been back since.
See, this isn’t his label showcase at CBGBs and the guy is yelling insults through a bullhorn. I understand the OPs predicament – you’re supposed to be playing quietly in a semi-public space, people aren’t really there to hear you necessarily. It would be the height of drama-queenery to stop playing and berate this anal fedora, no matter how deserved. In that same position, I would probably just start improvising songs making fun of the way he was dressed.
Lord, I could only imagine the collective weeping among musicians after amps became commonly available.
How about stopping your set and taking a poll of the coffeeshop patrons - who wants to hear you play, and who wants to hear the laptop? In other words, sort of make a joke of it, but get your point across to Mr. Laptop Entitlement.
ZipperJJ touched on this a little bit, but is it possible that he was specifically trying to drown you out? No offense, but some people just don’t dig acoustic guitar and/or flute music. I’m not saying it was a nice thing or the right thing for him to do, but it IS a logical explanation.
Next time Biffy, stop playing and make a scene about the guy. Ask the guy directly to turn off his laptop or use headphones while you’re playing. If he won’t do it, end the show. Basically, he was engaging in a form of heckling, whether he meant to or not, and experienced performers don’t take that shit laying down. There’s no point in performing when you are prevented from doing your best. If nothing else gets the cafe owners to be proactive, this might.
Put me in the group that believes this guy had some purpose in doing this. His showing up at just the right time, with a noise machine, and then leaving as soon as your gig was through is too much for a coincidence.
I can’t begin to guess what his reason was, but he did this with malice aforethought.