I can’t believe I tried to be friendly to you. I can’t believe I stood up for you on numerous occasions. I can’t believe I emailed you on a daily basis and got you presents and tried to be such a wonderful person to you.
YOU are a BITCH. I don’t call very many women that, but you deserve it fully.
I didn’t like you at first. You were obnoxious and too loud, and you said the most stunningly tactless things. But my friend had finally found himself someone he could love, and after my initial hesitation I decided to welcome you with an open heart.
Even when I was friendly, I still didn’t like what I saw in you. I thought you could be nice when you chose to be, but most of the time you just liked to hurt people’s feelings, especially my friend’s. You had an enormously inflated opinion of yourself. You made me read your gaggingly horrible writing and then tell you what I thought. You wanted me to fawn all over you and compliment you on the stupidest of things, like how well you take pictures.
And then you and my friend decided to move into his mother’s house. His mother was undergoing long kidney treatments, and was very sickly. Instead of helping out whenever you could, you decided you hated her and everything in the house was awful. When my friend had to take her to the hospital, you whined because she wasn’t really sick.
You bitched to me incessantly about her, who had only tried to be kind to you. I listened sympathetically because my own mother-in-law is an asshole, but when I suggested things to you to help your situation you didn’t want any of it. You just wanted sympathy and someone to tell you that you were right in the way you felt.
Not happy with telling my friend night and day what an awful mother he had and how awful the house was (that you were staying in rent-free), you decided that he couldn’t control his own money. You made him give you every cent he earned, and you doled it out like he was cutting off parts of you. You lived off of him for almost a year before you got a job (which you bitched about to me, although you never looked for another one).
Then you got married. I didn’t think this was a good idea, but no one listens to me. You were such an ass about every single detail of the ceremony that I felt embarrassed being around you. You were an ass when you told me the exact dollar amount your daddy paid, and you were an ass when you pointed out that my friend’s sick mother didn’t contribute a single dime (she was poor, and she was already letting you live in her house for free, you bitch).
You were especially an ass when you didn’t give a shit what my friend was wearing, or even if he was appearing in the ceremony.
His mother finally got a kidney. You were a bitch about that. You made my friend buy a house shortly afterwards, because you couldn’t stand being around his sick mother. When she had complications, you acted like it was interfering with your personal schedule. My friend had to stay with her for some hours while she cried and vomited, and you sat around, playing role-playing games with your friends and bitched because my friend was always leaving you to go to HER.
When she died you didn’t care. You said you were relieved. Now my friend didn’t have to spend any time with her and could devote everything to you. And when he didn’t, you forced him to go to counseling, threatening him with separation. You told the counselor that you wanted my friend to change and pay more attention to you.
You will never get enough attention, you greedy spiteful bitch.
He tried to change. He stopped seeing anyone but you. He started asking you for things in a pleading way, and I can’t explain what way that was, but I know that it pleased you to hear him beg. You were still unsatisfied.
About a month after his mother died, you gave him an ultimatum. If he didn’t start doing what you wanted, you would leave in six months.
Despite his best efforts, he didn’t live up to your expectations.
So this Monday you both went into the counselor’s office. You waltzed in and said, “I don’t love you anymore. I want a divorce.” The counselor was shocked, and you loved it.
That night you told my friend exactly what you wanted in the divorce settlement. You knew exactly what piece of furniture you wanted, you knew the decorations you were going to take. You knew, down to the penny, what you wanted him to pay you to get you out of his life. YOU HAD BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR WEEKS.
I talked to him today. He sounds like he is in shock, severe medical shock that causes the internal organs to shut down. He said that your last paycheck was not direct deposited – the check that was supposed to be deposited on Tuesday. You had been hanging out with a girl who had also broken off a long engagement.
His mother is dead, his father has been dead for a while, and now you have left him and HE DOESN’T HAVE ANYONE LEFT AND IT’S YOUR OWN DAMNED SELFISH BITCHY SELF WHO HAS DONE THIS TO MY FRIEND. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. You complete asswipe of a shitheel scraggy bitch.
You had better not ask for anything more in the divorce proceedings, because you will NEVER know what happened to you.
