In this thread I discuss a recent emotionally charged life changing event. (Necessary for background info.)
So, a couple of days ago, Mr. Clawbane’s friend comes over to our house to visit. (I consider him a “little brother”) He brings his wife with him, who does not get along with me, and though I strive to get along with her for harmony’s sake, it taxes me. She’s always looking for offense from me, and is quite aggressive in her responses to my perceived “insults” or “put downs”. Everyone else is puzzled by her reactions too, and feel she’s over-reacting. (Yes, for those perceptive people, she’s the one who was the subject of my infamous “wedding” thread a while back…)
She is the type who always wants to be the center of attention, and who wants everyone to conform to her pre-concieved notions regarding their personalities. She grandly makes “proclomations” as to a person’s nature, and gets pissy when they don’t behave as she “knows” they should, even to the point of telling a person that they “Can’t be feeling that way, because that’s not what you are like”. She also gossips to everyone else about so-and so’s stupid deeds, and passes judgement, and critiques them on their mishandling of their own life.
She’s known to throw a tantrum, shout and stomp off when an arguement she picks is not going her way. (Even to the point of waking up other people in the house she’s visiting.)
So, to get on with the story… We’ve invited the best friend over to relay an important message from someone who was unable to contact him. This person contacted us because they knew that Mr. Clawbane would be able to get ahold of him. (Long story, not really relavant, and private anyway.)
Well, it had taken us a day and a half to get in contact with them, and by that time they had already recieved the news. Instead of being graceful, and thanking us, this person started right away coping a superior attitude and talking down to us, saying she already knew the things.
The final straw came as they were stomping off though. (He follows her lead, she controls every aspect of his life, including when he goes to sleep, and when he wakes up. She won’t wake up with the baby, nor will she stay up with it. He has to get up at 4 am for work too.) She was being pissy because I was standing up for myself, and pointing out that she was treating me like shit, and indirectly but firmly demanding she stop.
I wanted to show my little brother my scar, so he could see how it was healing, and also the length of it. (He looked at it, and was “impressed” and sympathetic.) It was not in an indescrete spot, so I did not have any qualms with showing it to him.
Mr. Clawbane had already taken the Polaroid the Gyn. had given me over to their house to show them so the wife could finally understand why I had been so sick before the surgery, and unable to help them with things like housework, and teaching her how to cook and clean, as much as she wanted. The photo showed both the tumor, and my uterus. (This is a woman who had me in her hospital room as she was giving birth…)
She made the boneheaded comment just before the surgery that I’d recover in no time, because it would be “Just like giving birth.” She did not have to have a C-section, so she really had no idea what she was talking about, she said I’d be walking up and down stairs within days, that it would be no shock to my system at all. I explained to her that it was a system shock to have any organ removed, and more than one person spoke up and corrected her on this notion.
Instead of just leaving it at “I don’t want to see your scar” and walking out of sight line of it, she had to make the comment. “I don’t want to see it, I saw the picture of the tumor, you gave birth!”
Sputter Wha? HOW DARE YOU! You cruel, mannerless…sputter! I can’t believe you are continuing to be so self absorbed!!! How could you say such a thing to me, after what you KNOW I’ve just been through?!!!
I pity your baby, I really do. Oh, wait, she’s already a Daddy’s girl because at every opportunity for three months, you have handed her to him, so you can sit on your butt and do nothing productive! (Literal truth, as witnessed by numerous people, and said by him in an arguement at their home he had with her. He was too drunk to care who heard it, it’s the only way he can stand up to her. He was pleading with her to let him sleep, and to take turns caring for the baby. He might as well be a single parent, he takes care of her the majority of the time.)
How breathlessly rude to say such a thing to a person who’s JUST HAD HER UTERUS REMOVED AND WILL NEVER GIVE BIRTH NOW!!! How WILLFULLY IGNORANT! You need a session with a clue by four. (Definition: A good verbal telling off, by a peer, hopefully embarassing her enough and exerting enough “peer pressure” that the behavior will be lessened or checked.)
Gave birth to what?!! A monstrous tumor that looks like a round brain? Even though the incision is the same as what is used for a C-section, and recovery time is the same, and I realize this, that’s still an ignorant, thoughtless comment that caused pain! You have a lot of growing up to do, brat!
Given a choice between having that comment said to me, and the lasting pain I will have to work through for months+, or having the pain I felt that first day just after I woke up from surgery, I’d take the surgical pain. (I had to hit the button for pain medication every time I moved a fraction. They set it up so you dose yourself in this instance. I was given Demarol.)
I’m officially “through” with her. If my “little brother” wants to visit with me, he can come here. His wife is not welcome, but he and the baby are. Even my husband agrees with this, in fact he said it first, I was still stunned speechless. (If Mr. Clawbane wants to go visit him in his home, that too is an option, and he does sometimes, without me. It’s better that way.)
I’m not going to be used, or hurt by her any more. She’s literally only nice to me, and doesn’t pick fights with me, when she wants a favor. Usually one that requires a lot of time and effort from me.* I don’t have to take that kind of crap, life is too short to let that kind of shit pollute it. Farewell, nasty using cretin, go find another victim to leech from!
*Like me spending $225 to have a dress specially tailored so I could be her bride’s maid. (Just one example.)
Her maid of honor bought a second hand/thrift store gown for $68, there was only one of that kind though, and none of the other dresses were alike, so to keep with the “theme” I had to have one that looked similar sewn/altered from a pattern I had. Material alone cost $90. (I only get $550 a month.)
Oh, yes the kicker is there are no good photos of me from the wedding, and none of me and my husband together, he was best man. There are very few photos of me at all, I was pretty well a non-entity, shown in the background, or cut off, or blurred because I’m moving from one place to another.
We also have not received any kind of thank you note for the nice very handy (in the bride and groom’s words, and he’s sincere) gift we gave them, or the participation in the wedding. (We helped clean up the building for the reception, and decorate, and stayed to clean up afterwards. The maid of honor did not help set it up, and only sullenly made a token gesture towards clean up.) Just an example of the crapping on I get from her and her family. Her family was in charge of photo documentation. Yes, I’m PISSED at her, for more than one reason.