Reminds me of a few Dopers.
Oy. I once shared a house with a Manic Depressive whose doctors were still trying to find the correct dosage. Not a good situation.
Perhaps it’s a common practice, but that makes it no less repulsive, or you repugnant for perpetuating the practice. As for “telling people that I’m going to kill them,” that’s something I avoid doing. If you weren’t such a conscienceless dick, you’d you avoid it, too.
Take it a back a bit? Your comment does nothing of the sort. You’ve merely amplified your threat, you replusive asshole.
Zabali, drop this nit like a live grenade.
Your hubby can visit them at their own house. If not there, then down at the pub. If you continue to associate with this monster raving loony, it is your own fault. You have better things to do, like plucking nose hairs for instance.
No violence, no commercial solvents in the peepers, none of that mucking about. If this woman wants to be a turd, she can go out and lay on the lawn.
Zenster Yep, that’s more or less what I was thinking. Though avoiding her while still getting to see my “little brother” will be nigh impossible. We invite him to come over to see us, with the knowledge that since we are calling him at work at 10p.m. at night, it is (supposedly) probable that his wife won’t be with him. We knew he wouldn’t be off work and over to see us until approximiately midnightish.
Near foolproof plan it was, though alas, she came along with him, bringing the almost 3 month old baby. Not being able to see my friend does make me sad, but his wife makes me crazy, and is definitely not good for my health, so… 
UncleBeer, thanks. Nice to know that you think I’m a repulsive asshole simply because I shout “Gah! I’ll kill you!” In an overdramatic, humorous manner when a friend is two weeks late in returning my favorite Radiohead CD.
</hijack>
UncleBeerand Gadfly I can see you guys want to argue, can you please do it in another thread? If you feel that it’s worth pursuing, go make another thread, this way any others who want to chime in on the topic you are arguing about can do so without hijacking this thread. Thank you. 
It’s called “hyperbole.” Look it up. You might end up looking remarkably less pathetically hysterical in the future.
Sorry for continuing the hijack, Zabali. Didn’t see your post until I’d already hit submit. To make it up, I’ll try to keep this post on topic by pointing out that the woman in question is, indeed, an unmitigated piece of shit. Have you considered trying to fix her husband up with someone else? A positive experience with infidelity might be just what he needs to break it off with this harpy.
Everyone, take the discussion to another thread please. Thank you.
Right, sorry Zabali. And in case you have any petroleum distillate lying around…
Miller Thank you for bringing the thread back on track.
A little anecdote. I’ll call my little brother “Musicguy” from now on, and the chick “the wife” to try to stay clear. On a shopping trip to Oklahoma City with us, Musicguy proposed to this woman…again, the difference being that this time he had a ring. She accepted the proposal, and proudly wore the ring for exactly 24 hours.
Mr. Clawbane and I were at home watching late night television the day afterwards, still shaking our heads at Musicguy’s niavite, and hoping for the best. The doorbell rings, and Musicguy comes in, a bit drunk. You guessed it, she’d broken up with him because “I want to date other people”. She had someone specific in mind, a scumbag who ended up being abusive, and stalking her and her best friend whom he also dated.
I’d told her I’d seen the guy half strangle a puppy when I’d first met him. I’d met him (before her) when he was dating someone else, we had a mutual acquaintance. He was stupid enough to leave his computer out on the coffee table and floor, with a teething puppy in the house.
The pup chewed through the mouse cord, and he half strangled the puppy in a rage, the only reason he didn’t is because he was intimidated by me and Mr. Clawbane, (he’s spooked by Goths, our mere Gothic prescence was enough to make him jumpy) and we made a protest. She of course, didn’t believe us, and dated him anyway. (Though now she tries to say “We were only friends.”)
Musicguy isn’t very touchy feely, and prefers to be alone if he’s really sad. Nevertheless, he put his head on my shoulder, and wept like a little lost boy. All I could do was rock him to sleep, and comfort him as best I could.
We encouraged him to go on as best he could, with the thought in mind that maybe he’d feel enough better to “make lemonade” someday, and to keep the possibility in mind. (We realized he was mourning, and respected that, but sometimes the person also needs to hear that the sun is going to shine again too.)
While they were broken up, he had a fling with a co-worker. He was intimate with her too. We really had hopes that this would help him break free, but after a couple of months, they were back together. He’s got a “dream”, and that’s what he wants. She’s not worthy, and he knows that she’s bad for him, yet he wants to be with her. I suspect that he’s got the notion that he can “help” her get better. (They have only been married since May, “the wife” gave birth in mid July)
All Mr. Clawbane and I can do, is pray for Musicguy, and wish him well. I hope he gets away from “the wife” mostly intact, and is able to heal. Or maybe, just maybe the wife will actually come round, and start getting counseling, and grow to be a better person. Stranger, more unlikely things have happened before.
Here’s to hoping…
…Man. I’ll be thinking of MusicGuy, for sure.
Your “the girlfriend/wife” person sounds like a nasty piece of work who needs to be avoided, but I do think you need to step back and consider the age context just a bit more to put the situation in perspective and get a handle on the interactions involved. Until I got to the middle of this thread I thought we were dealing with a situation full of 30 somethings, not teenagers and near teenagers. You are 31 years old and despite the fact that you are married to a 20 year old his peers are not going to be as socially mature or sensitive to your situation as people in your own age and life experience cohort.
You keep referring to this 18 year old girl/woman as if she were a social peer and as if she should be tuned in to the sensitivities of a woman closer to your age. That would be nice is possible, but despite the fact that 18 year olds can be wonderful people and some are mature beyond their years, many of them are still just kids emotionally and socially.
astro “The wife” is old enough to know she needs to hold her tongue and not say things to people that could be hurtful. She’s also old enough to take responsibility for her actions, and to take care not to harm others with them.
A 3 year old is capable of that to a fairly large degree, if the parent takes the time to teach them, and the child has the personality that will practice it. I taught my boys kindness and consideration at an early age, and they practiced it to their fullest capability.
They’d apologize for hurt feelings, and try to make it up to the person, because they could understand that the person was hurt, and knew if they were that person, they’d want comforting and an apology. I did this by practicing what I preached, with no guilt trips. I encouraged empathy, and sympathy to develop. (Long story as to why they aren’t in my life, to be breif, they died, one was below kindergarten age.)
Quit making excuses for this person because of their age! I’m not like other “adults” who blow “kids” off as insensitive asses with the social skills of lower beings. That’s why she gets away with it! She’s not going to grow, and finally decide to get up off her ass and start behaving like a mannerly considerate being, as she is fully capable of doing, if no one holds her accountable NOW for her crappiness!
How long do you wait to start training a puppy, or kitten not to crap on your kitchen floor? Now, or later?
I’ve been around her, had “heart to heart” talks with her. She’s smart enough to know what is socially acceptable and what is not, she just is too stuck on herself, and too lazy to do the “work” required to not hurt others. This is what her own actions and words have revealed. She can be as kind and considerate as any rational courteous being, but only because she wants a big favor. She really does do exactly that, she can be respectful and polite, but her record is that it’s because she’s buttering you up for a favor.
It goes beyond that age’s “norms”, she’ll keep these habits all her life at this rate. I’m not going into details, (don’t even bother to ask) but she’s made comments to me showing a Sadistic nature too, she likes to cause pain on unwilling reciepients. (Yes, she really does need intensive psyciatric help, she won’t get it.)
She resisted every effort of her caretakers as she was growing up when they tried to teach her social responsiblity, I’ve spoken with her grandmother, who raised her. She doesn’t care for anyone or anything but her own wants and needs.
She’s married, and has a baby, bills, and a house to take care of, for Pete’s sake! She’s out in the “real world” now, and it’s time that she learn that she’s not going to get out of practicing “the rules”. It’s almost a kindness.
When I was going around her, I was kinder than others would have been, but with a “Spine of Titanium” too. I didn’t bite her head off, but I spoke up and firmly asserted my rights to be treated respectfully, and with courtesy. I also didn’t let her bully me, or be an attention whore if I was trying relate something to Musicguy. (This is a random nickname I chose, and not referring to any Doper who might possibly use this moniker btw.)
She has a bad habit of breaking into a conversation as though she’s the Leading Role in a play. She comes bursting onto the “stage” and demands full attention and worship from everyone around her, changing the topic and expecting you not to steer it back, time and time again.
If the topic shifts off her chosen one, and people are speaking about something that she doesn’t really have knowledge about, she’ll do the same thing again. She also will change the topic if she comes in on the middle of a conversation from outside the room, if it bores her. She’s got “Inane, Fluffy, Verbal Diahrria” all the time.
No more, I’m not going to take her shit again.
I disagree. Certainly, at 18, most people haven’t finished maturing, but this is absolutely beyond the pale. Note that Zabali’s husband and his peers also find this woman’s behavior inexcusable, despite their being closer to her age. Youth might be an excuse for making mistakes, but this woman’s pattern of behavior shows a total lack of empathy and disregard for her action’s repurcussions that would be unacceptable in a person half her age.
In fairness I guess I really don’t understand your social context and this unrelenting drama you are having with this unrelated teenager, and why you and she have this incredibly involved relationship history of tusseling over the same men, and where you are relating to her as a social peer over an extended period of time when you are 31 year old woman.
It just strikes me as highly unusual that you, as a mature woman, treat the juvenile stupidity of this 18 year old halfwit with such gravitas and drama. It’s not like the Mayor’s wife or the School Principal bitch slapped you socially. With all due apologies to mature teenagers aside, a fair number of teenagers and young 20 somethings are social retards and only time will educate them. This is not to say they don’t need to be taught, but it does mean you shouldn’t be working yourself into an emotional frenzy over this 18 year old girl’s obtuseness, cluelessness and selfishness.
Tell me, do you have any close friends astro? (Put age aside, it really doesn’t matter.) Any friends you can honestly say you love, in public to their faces?
The “unrelated teenager” is married to my “little brother” whom I love, as a dear friend. She’s tearing him down, and ruining his health and sanity indirectly and directly. (By being rude and cruel to someone he considers a sister, and showing no regard for his feelings or health.)
I don’t know where you got the idea that we “tussled over men”. I NEVER dated or was interested in dating any of the guys she dated. (Shudder, ESPECIALLY the puppy strangler.) I think you owe me an apology for assuming something that was never stated or even hinted at.
I do care what happens to her husband, but that’s because not only is he like a little brother to me, he’s my husband’s dearest friend. If you think that’s somehow misguided, then you have problems.
Little Brother needs to take a seriously hard look at how his life would be if they were married and together “permanently”. Perhaps you need to guide him into this contemplation. Ask him how his day-to-day life, with this kind of abusive, manipulative person, would be over the course of, say, 20 or more years. Can he imagine that kind of personal hell?
I married a mentally ill woman 6 years my senior (she’s on SSDI for mental illness). She saw herself as being Strong, Independent, Fiscally Responsible and great at reading people. Truth is, she’s none of those things. I gave her everything I had and tried to take care of her and “make her better”. I failed miserably. All I ended up doing was making it easier for her to live in her illness. Now we’re in a messy divorce where she’s making daily claims of abuse. Is this the kind of shit that he wants to go through?
“Look what kind of hell she’s been putting you through and try to imagine 40 years of that. Because no matter what you think, she’s not going to get better.”
Um, Chimera He married her in May, they have a little girl. (This is mentioned in various posts I made in this thread.) I was a Bride’s Maid at the wedding, because she didn’t have any friends who she could ask to do so. I did it as a favor for my little brother. (“Musicguy”)
I’ve known them since they were dating, I met Musicguy (“Little Brother”) first, then my husband, (Tangent: after Mr. Clawbane turned 18, he let me know he had feelings for me, I wasn’t dating anyone at the time, and he won me over.) and later “the wife”. I came onto the scene after Musicguy and “the wife” had been dating over a year. Mr. Clawbane witnessed “the wife” tearing Musicguy’s self esteem down so he wouldn’t leave her.
We’ve tried talking to him, he admits that she does nasty things, but he says “I love her” and has made comments to the effect that he thinks he can “help her grow”.
Trying to get him to break up with her would only backfire, and he’d lose the one source of moral support he has left that’s “sanctioned” fully by “the wife”. (Mr. Clawbane, his best friend, my husband.) It’s a good idea, if you are the friend of someone in an abusive relationship to not alienate the person being abused by harping too much about the abuser to the abusee.
He’d cut off ties with his lifelong friend before he’d leave her. The concept “Just because you love someone does not mean you HAVE to be with them, sometimes it’s better not to be with the person” does not compute to him. Wish it did.