To the creepy bastard who had nothing better to do than scare me shitless tonight....

[Trunk]

As an 11 year resident of one of the most violent cities in America, I say:

Not nearly enough people in this thread saying that all of this could have been avoided by not going to a laundromat in a bad part of town at midnight.

Why?

Because midnight in bad parts of town are either deserted (if you’re lucky) or populated by creeps (if you’re not).

The whole thread should be in “IMHO” and the OP should be saying, “I’m here to offer free advice: don’t go to bad parts of town at midnight by yourself. And, here’s a creepy story to illustrate that point, where fortunately nothing happened, but something could have.”

It’s not about calling the cops or carrying a gun or a knife. It’s about not putting oneself in a position where calling a cop becomes reasonable. It’s the rare RARE individual who just happens to find himself in such a situation. This was entirely brought on by one poor decision.

Besides, laundromats – almost by definition – are in bad parts of town. (With admittedly many exceptions) They’re in places where people who can’t afford washers and dryers live.

[SnakesCatLady]

@Cryptoderk

Ah, I see why I’ve been misunderstood.

Most people here are talking about the consequences of the rape to the victim, which I agree are almost always very serious.

I was talking exclusively about the offence itself. For example, consider raping someone with Korsakoff’s Amnesia. In terms of long term mental consequences to the victim… well, there aren’t any. The severity of the offence doesn’t change from that.

As for unreasonably witholding sex - I suppose it’s the same issue here as, for example, the Salvation Army withholding aid from anyone named Frederick. It would be highly unreasonable, but at the same time of course it should be respected, and if Frederick steals from the Salvation Army he has committed a serious crime.

What is this fixation you seem to have about “unreasonably” withholding sex? Are you, or have you ever been, in a relationship? If so (somehow I seriously doubt it) did you expect your partner to just put out on demand? Do you honestly believe someone should consent to sex on demand without any consideration for their feelings or mood?

[Cryptoderk]

@SnakesCatLady

What is this fixation you seem to have about “unreasonably” withholding sex? Are you, or have you ever been, in a relationship? If so (somehow I seriously doubt it) did you expect your partner to just put out on demand? Do you honestly believe someone should consent to sex on demand without any consideration for their feelings or mood?

Oh for goodness sake, I’m talking about witholding sex as punishment, not not being in the mood or anything like. I think unreasonably might have been the wrong word, but what’s said is said.

[Beaucarnea]

@Cryptoderk

Oh for goodness sake, I’m talking about witholding sex as punishment, not not being in the mood or anything like. I think unreasonably might have been the wrong word, but what’s said is said.

If we have argued, or you are drunk, or as **alice_ in_wonderland ** said, an asshole, and I am pissed at you, I am not inclined to have sex with you. So… yes, I would be guilty of withholding sex as punishment. And if you took sex from me without my consent, you would be guilty of rape.

Do all the women in your path a favor and learn to masturbate.

[Cryptoderk]

@Beaucarnea

If we have argued, or you are drunk, or as **alice_ in_wonderland ** said, an asshole, and I am pissed at you, I am not inclined to have sex with you. So… yes, I would be guilty of withholding sex as punishment. And if you took sex from me without my consent, you would be guilty of rape.

Do all the women in your path a favor and learn to masturbate.

What, so I’m a rapist now?

WTF?

I make a throwaway comment and it’s over-analysed to death by paranoid feminazis.

I am not a rape apologist.

I am just pointing out that not all rape is the same.

[Beaucarnea]

@Cryptoderk

I am just pointing out that not all rape is the same.

I disagree. Keep your penis out of a vagina unless you have been invited.

[SnakesCatLady]

@Cryptoderk

What, so I’m a rapist now?

WTF?

I make a throwaway comment and it’s over-analysed to death by paranoid feminazis.

I am not a rape apologist.

I am just pointing out that not all rape is the same.

“Paranoid feminazis”. Boy, you are a real piece of work.

If a person says no and you have sex with them anyway - it is rape. If you stagger in drunk and I don’t want to screw you and you do it anyway - that is rape. You can defend it by saying that refusal is “unreasonable” all you want - no one has to give you a reason. If you happen to get lucky, do you make them give a reason why they said yes?

You are a clueless fuckwit. You are an offensive clueless fuckwit.

[Cryptoderk]

@SnakesCatLady

“Paranoid feminazis”. Boy, you are a real piece of work.

If a person says no and you have sex with them anyway - it is rape. If you stagger in drunk and I don’t want to screw you and you do it anyway - that is rape. You can defend it by saying that refusal is “unreasonable” all you want - no one has to give you a reason. If you happen to get lucky, do you make them give a reason why they said yes?

I have never said anything different. I think paranoid feminazi is a perfectly reasonable term - you’re trying to interpret my words in the most offensive possible manner so you can call me a “real piece of work”.

[VinylTurnip]

@Cryptoderk

I am not a rape apologist.

I am just pointing out that not all rape is the same.

I don’t think you’ve provided much of a revelation by saying that some rapes are more brutal and violent than others. However, forcing unwanted sex on a woman because you’re “drunk,” because you feel like you’re entitled and she’s withholding, or for any other bullshit reason you can come up with does not make it “rape,” it’s still rape.

And you’d better believe it is (and should be) a crime, deserving of prison time—not a mere annoyance, as in “I am so breaking up with you if you date-rape me like that again!”

I’m still not convinced you aren’t just winding us up, really. If so, bravo on picking an excellent topic to troll about. If not, and you really don’t see what’s offensive about what you said, I’m afraid you’re beyond hope.

[Contrapuntal]

@Cryptoderk

Oh for goodness sake, I’m talking about witholding sex as punishment, not not being in the mood or anything like. I think unreasonably might have been the wrong word, but what’s said is said.

If your partner is withholding sex as punishment, and you consider such behavior to be unreasonable, your proper recourse is to attempt to reason with her, or disengage from the relationship, not engage in forced sex. It’s rape, plain and simple. Some rapes are worse than others, granted. However, every rape is abominable. Even suggesting that raping someone can be mitigated by “unreasonable behavior” on her part is, quite frankly, morally bankrupt.

[Miller]

@Cryptoderk

I have never said anything different. I think paranoid feminazi is a perfectly reasonable term - you’re trying to interpret my words in the most offensive possible manner so you can call me a “real piece of work”.

You know, even before you started posting in this thread, I thought you were a shithead. Thanks for affirming that initial impression. Now, do us all a favor and don’t ever breed, okay?

[Cryptoderk]

@Vinyl Turnip

I don’t think you’ve provided much of a revelation by saying that some rapes are more brutal and violent than others. However, forcing unwanted sex on a woman because you’re “drunk,” because you feel like you’re entitled and she’s withholding, or for any other bullshit reason you can come up with does not make it “rape,” it’s still rape.

And you’d better believe it is (and should be) a crime, deserving of prison time—not a mere annoyance, as in “I am so breaking up with you if you date-rape me like that again!”

I’m still not convinced you aren’t just winding us up, really. If so, bravo on picking an excellent topic to troll about. If not, and you really don’t see what’s offensive about what you said, I’m afraid you’re beyond hope.

Obviously it’s rape in the sense of unconsensual sex. But it isn’t rape in the sense that would come to mind for most people when they hear that word.

I don’t think prison time would be right in all circumstances either. Most of them, sure.

[Cryptoderk]

@Contrapuntal

If your partner is withholding sex as punishment, and you consider such behavior to be unreasonable, your proper recourse is to attempt to reason with her, or disengage from the relationship, not engage in forced sex. It’s rape, plain and simple. Some rapes are worse than others, granted. However, every rape is abominable. Even suggesting that raping someone can be mitigated by “unreasonable behavior” on her part is, quite frankly, morally bankrupt.

Of course the proper recource is to reason or disengage from the relationship. In the same way that one shouldn’t shoot fleeing burglars in the back, one shouldn’t rape someone who is acting like that.

To make this very clear, both are abonimable acts.

But they are different from cold blooded muder or traditional rape.

[SnakesCatLady]

@Cryptoderk

I have never said anything different. I think paranoid feminazi is a perfectly reasonable term - you’re trying to interpret my words in the most offensive possible manner so you can call me a “real piece of work”.

I have not interpreted your words - I merely read them. You are the one who came in here making offensive comments. And because some of us called you out on it, we’re “paranoid feminazis”.

Has it ever crossed whatever you use for a mind that being raped by someone you know and trust is (in a way) worse than being raped by a stranger? If you are raped by your husband/SO/friend you are not only violated physically, your trust in that person is completely shattered. Some women in that situation can never bring themselves to fully trust another man. Most physical effects of rape heal; once trust is shattered it may never return.

[Miller]

@Cryptoderk

Obviously it’s rape in the sense of unconsensual sex. But it isn’t rape in the sense that would come to mind for most people when they hear that word.

I don’t think prison time would be right in all circumstances either. Most of them, sure.

What’s the circumstance in which prison time wouldn’t be “right” for rape?

[wonky]

@Cryptoderk

But they are different from cold blooded muder or traditional rape.

Having sex with someone without their consent IS TRADITIONAL RAPE.

Statutory rape is a slightly different animal. But you’re not describing statutory rape. You’re describing rape. You’re describing having sex with someone without their consent. That is rape. End fucking stop.

[Contrapuntal]

@Cryptoderk

To make this very clear, both are abonimable acts.

However you attempted to mitigate one of them! This makes you an asshole, or a morally deficient not an asshole. Or, perhaps, a morally deficient asshole. Your call.

[Little_Plastic_Ninja]

@Cryptoderk

I think paranoid feminazi is a perfectly reasonable term

I do believe this says everything.

I’m going to try to see things from your perspective, Crypto me lad. It’s an exercise to which I occasionally put my brain.

Let us say Joe Perfectly Reasonable forgot Mary Psycho’s mother’s dog’s birthday. Mary Psycho is horribly upset, screams at Joe for an hour in the Petsmart parking lot, and drives off and leaves him there. Joe has to walk home in the rain and gets bronchitis but he bought the dog a chewy Wall Street Journal.

Two weeks pass. Joe is feeling horny. He goes out of his way to make a special night for his girl. He bakes her lasagna. He brings her flowers. He lights the whole apartment with candles and strews her bed with rose petals. They have dinner. Things get hot and heavy, and just as he’s making a play for home plate…

“I STILL HAVEN’T FORGIVEN YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO SNUFFLES! GET OFF ME!”

What is the reasonable response?

1. “Woman, you’re a fucking psycho.” Joe rolls off the bed, gets a pair of jeans, and moves out.
2. “Er… honey… is there anything I can say to make this better?” Possibly Joe is a eunuch.
3. Stick it in her anyway.

See, as much as Mary’s being an unreasonable bitch, I still can’t see #3 as being a reasonable response.

It’s not a good idea to put yourself in dangerous situations. It was not, for example, a good idea for me to walk home unaccompanied for six blocks from my university at three in the morning through not the best neighborhood. I was never approached, though, and I was always armed with pepper spray at least.

Being in a car accident is (hopefully) rare. I still wear my seatbelt, though, just in case.

Getting fried by a lightning bolt is rare. I still don’t go fishing during thunderstorms.

Stranger rape is relatively uncommon (but quite a bit more common than getting struck by lightning). I still don’t hang around creepy men in the middle of the night in an otherwise empty building.

I advise you, Crypto, to never approach a lone woman in the middle of the night if you don’t want to frighten her. I don’t care if you’re Jack Davenport come to take me away from all this. You can be a civilized man and wait till morning.

[Cryptoderk]

@Miller

What’s the circumstance in which prison time wouldn’t be “right” for rape?

For example, there was a case when some deaf guy was having consensual sex with a girl who changed her mind half way through and asked him to stop. It took her about 30 seconds to manage to convey to him that she’d changed her mind.

To me, this is rape, but it’s not intentional rape, and sending someone to gaol in a situation like that is wrong.

[Miller]

@Cryptoderk

For example, there was a case when some deaf guy was having consensual sex with a girl who changed her mind half way through and asked him to stop. It took her about 30 seconds to manage to convey to him that she’d changed her mind.

To me, this is rape, but it’s not intentional rape, and sending someone to gaol in a situation like that is wrong.

That, to you, is rape.

Wow. You really are tremendously stupid, aren’t you?