To the idiots over in ATMB who have reading comprehension difficulties

Maybe you were dropped on your head as a child, maybe you were destined to be dumb and rude as fuck since the day you were born, or maybe, like many, you just willingly choose to be idiotic assholes. But whatever the case may be to explain your particular brand of idiocy, over in http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=748020, I asked a simple question seeking clarification of a BBQ pit rule.

Lest you think I have nothing better to do with my life, let me clarify one thing right now: I don’t give one flying fuck about “skirting rules” or playing some “game” with regards to following the forum rules. When I posted that thread, I wasn’t sitting around rapping my fingertips together nor twirling my mustache thinking how I could pull one over on the man. I sure as fuck wasn’t trying to feel superior to anyone, as samclem blatantly implied.

All I wanted to know was if two simple statements fell under a particular rule about wishing someone’s demise. I sincerely was curious, and meant no ill will toward anyone. Yet nearly all I got was venom. How very dare I ask about a rule!

After clarifying my intentions and asking for some civility in ATMB where we are supposed to be able to discuss the rules of the forum, I continued to get dogpiled on by the holier-than-thou denizens of that board. You people just can’t seem to grasp that someone could actually, sincerely care about a rules discussion, and continued to derail the conversation with accusations that I was playing some game or seeking special permission to insult in a way that should be banned, etc.

So to all of you idiots, I think the world would be better off with fewer people like you in it, and if you had never been born at all it would be no great loss.

And in lieu of that, go fuck a cactus.

That thread established that you can say that in the Pit. And you thought no good came out of it!

The cactus better at least buy me dinner first.

Oh, how you have suffered! I have heard your lamentation, and it has deeply moved me. Here, I will play a lyric lullaby to soothe your troubled mind.

Can you hear it?

I’m playing on the world’s smallest violin.

Beautiful, right?

Feel better soon, poor aggrieved soul.

Blow it out your ass knorf. Your violin playing sucks, BTW.

It’s true, my violin playing is terrible. But sheesh, you didn’t have to say so. You could have just appreciated the effort.

Jerk.
:mad:

Did not read, did not reply

Great pitting, by the way.

I lost my cactus in flash flood, you son of a bitch.

Your cactus had it coming! It never had a kind word to say about anyone, was always prickish, never bathed except when it rained, and had deeply rooted psychological issues. Also, it slept with my sister’s cactus.

Fuck your cactus, splatterpunk! I’m glad it died.

Its near perfect. It’s whiny, bitter, and directed at specific people from a thread in another Forum, and punctuated by the cactus remark. Four out of five stars. I’m staying tuned for this one. Also, trying desperately to come up with sex with cactus jokes, but apparently I succulent at writing comedy.

I lost my son of a bitch in a stump grinder, you ass knuckle.

Well, that’s him all over.

If that ATMB didn’t establish whether you can say those things, THIS thread will! :slight_smile:

The people who tend to frequent ATMB are indeed a bunch of moany little bitches.

It was because you used the example method instead of the direct method.

You should have used a direct question like, “Since it’s against the rules to wish death on someone, is there a way in which I can vaguely wish death on someone so that they know I cleverly skirted the rule and now feel superior for doing so?”

You’re welcome

I lost my stump grinder in a tsunami, you petulant piece of parsley.

Good thing, seeing as how no moderator specifically answered the question. They just said “we try to avoid answering questions like this.” They seem to be pretty good at it.

Hey, lieu didn’t even post in that thread.

No, Colibri established it when he said that to someone in the pit. And since Miller is cool he let it slide and now we all get to say it even though it’s just another way of saying “go fuck yourself” which is against the rules.

I ate the last of my parsley over the weekend and now I have no parsley to make a batch of salsa with, you penis shaped vaginal wart.

I just found a wart in my salsa. Thanks a lot.