I don’t know who you are, Ms. Anonymous Bathroom-User, so I’ll just post an open letter to you, wherein I explain the workings of the bathroom implements.
You fortunately have seemed to master the whole “how to use the toilet” thing, steps 1 & 2 (pull down pants & sit), so let’s progress on to the finer points of Finishing Up.
Those rolls of paper on the wall are for cleaning up after you have accomplished your errand in the bathroom. They are NOT:
Wallpaper
disposable carpeting
toilet decorations
Therefore, please stop leaving the paper all over the walls, the floor, and the toilet.
You seem to understand at least some of the rudiments of cleaning up, but let’s move on to “What Happens Next”, shall we? I’ll proceed in Very. Small. Words. In the hopes that you will understand after this how to use the full function of the toilet.
Turn around. See the shiny handle. See it shine? It is a happy, shiny handle. Touch the handle. Ooooh, it moves. Wiggle the handle. Wiggle it up and down. See the pee? Pee-pee and TP go down the hole. Wave bye-bye to the pee-pee and the TP. New water come in. This is Good. This is very very Good. That noise it is now making is fine. You don’t need to be afraid. That noise does not mean the toilet is demon-infested. It is supposed to do that. That noise is not the end of the world, and the toilet will not suddenly jump out and attack you. This is called “flushing”, and the rest of us that use this facility would really rather you mastered this step in your potty-training before using the bathroom again.
Because, dear Og it is NASTY to come into the bathroom and get greeted with “HI! The previous user couldn’t be bothered to flush me! They’re too damn important! Why don’t you do it, hey?”
Yuck. Just stay home, or pee out back or something if you can’t master the whole “jiggle the handle till it flushes”, m’kay?
When I had to clean bathrooms at a local restaurant, I often found that the women’s bathroom was much more nastier than the men’s. I guess because men can’t leave soggy tampons/pads or baby diapers all over the place.
But what’s with the wet toilet paper everywhere? I often find that.
Also I once found a bra in a stall at school. It’s a bathroom, not a locker room for crying out loud.
And what’s distressing is that after using these horrible bathrooms, I notice that nobody really washes their hands with soap.
This brings to mind an incident at high school.
I went to use the toilet in the girl’s locker room only to find the toilet seat covered in pee.
When I loudly exclaimed, “WTF? Who’s pissing on the toilets?” the twat who had evidently done the spraying turned around and responded, “You know, harmless, not everyone sits on the seat.” :rolleyes:
That wasn’t the point, you dumb fuck.
I don’t give a shit if you sit, stand, squat, or magically hover – if you piss the seat, wipe it down.
Nasty bitch.
I’d hate to see how her toilet at the house looked.
We have a coworker at work who has recently been nicknamed Happy McPeeHands because this coworker was recently observed concluding a transaction and then promptly leaving the restroom without washing of the hands.
Now, every time I see Happy McPeeHands, I want to scream ‘There are sinks in there for a reason!’
Just have to say that was a great OP. I promptly cut and pasted (hope that’s okay) the instructional part to a classmate of mine, since we’re always bitching about idiots who don’t flush the goddamn toilets at school.
We’re freaking law students for crying out loud. No one here is dumb, but somehow, many of the females have yet to grasp the concept of flushing a damn toilet!
I seriously want to print out this OP and tape it inside each and every stall.
Can I make a correlary to Godwin’s law? As the length of a given thread on bathroom etiquette extends towards infinity, the probability of the topic of prehensile rectums approaches 100%.
I was wondering if anybody would guess CtAC. As a matter of fact, CtAC and H McPH are the same person!
If I see him going for a slice of pepperoni outa the communal pizza on ‘everybody chips in day’ I am forced by my stomach to go with the other option, no matter what is on it. That thing could be chitlin topped, it’s still better than pee-crust.
We had someone like this at the last place I worked. Not only didn’t she wash her hands after she’d pee, she could often be caught picking her nose at her desk. And she was one of those people who have to touch everything! Walking down the hall, she’d run her hands along the tops of cube walls. She’d brush her hands over papers on your desk if she was talking to you next to it, and she’d use her hands instead of the serving fork to serve herself food if there was a cake or something in the common room for someone’s birthday. It was really disgusting. I felt like I constantly needed disinfectant around her.
My husband had a worse experience at work, though. He walked into the first available bathroom stall only to find that someone had had the blow-shits…on the bathroom wall! He said the stink was unimaginable, and felt horrible for the poor kid who had to clean it up. Thank God the kid had rubber gloves and a sanitary mask!
But do they have changing tables in men’s bathrooms? I am not familar with the men’s bathroom.