My 90 year old grandmother’s funeral (when it happens- she’s still going strong) is going to be a joy and a blessing to organise…not.
She’s Catholic- the only one in the entire family.
Her husband was Jewish, her parents were Anglican.
Of her three children, one is an Atheist who think religion is the opium of the masses, one is a nutcase Free Presbyterian who believe the Pope is the Antichrist and the RCC is the whore of Babylon and one (my mother) is a perfectly normal and sane ordinary Presbyterian who has no strong feelings one way or the other about the RCC and the Pope and is just happy her mother find comfort in her religion.
Granny’s a former daily communicant who can no longer regularly attend Church because she finds it too exhausting, and has many friends in her local congregation who would want to attend her funeral- but as I’ve said, my uncle hates the RCC and would never consent to have her funeral held in a Catholic Church.
Since granny is getting cremated so that her ashes can be taken back to Zimbabwe and buried beside her husband (at some point in the future, when it’s safer to travel there), it looks like the best solution is going to be a family-only service service (without mass) at the crematorium, and a memorial service at her own church.
Still, she can’t decide, so it’s probably going to be a major soure of discord between her children after she’s dead. My mother keeps trying to broach the subject, so that at least when the time comes she’ll be able to tell her siblings what their mother actually wanted, but granny is having none of it.
Any officiant who tried the “come to Jesus/the true Church” crap at granny’s funeral would find themselves on the wrong side of pretty much every single family member, so I hope to goodness no-one tries it, although it’s not likely because I don’t think it’s the done thing here. For example, even though irishfella and I had been living together before we married, our minister didn’t even mention it at our wedding.
As an aside, Irish extended families usually have one uncle who is tasked specifically with the funeral arrangements. This uncle would be the one to arrange the funeral directors, church, priest, wake and to sort everything (and I mean everything) out. When someone died, you just called the uncle and he dealt with everything for you. It also meant that the uncle could arrange discounts, on the basis of repeat business!
In my dad’s family, this job was given to Uncle Billy, which meant that everything went like clockwork, the service was always tasteful and appropriate and the bereaved were spared the details. Sadly, of course, when Uncle Billy died, no-one in the extended family had a clue what to do, and his funeral went down in family history as a huge shambles! Thankfully, by the next family funeral Uncle Joe had taken over Billy’s job and everything was much smoother.
Irish funerals have closed coffins, family pallbearers (who actually do shoulder the coffin, it’s not done by the undertakers) and usually only the men of the family attend the burial (the ladies are supposed to go home to brew tea and make sandwiches).