To the Rectal Cavity Manager at the Open Mic Show

The BBQ Pit
61

I understand that you don’t want to play on a full stomach, but maybe you’d feel better if you had a piece of fruit or some juice before the show?

I can absolutely agree with you that music is a lot of work - I was an instrumental performance major at university, with flute as my principle instrument, and I have performed in all sorts of different venues, exams, orchestras, festivals, you name it.

However, I never performed on an empty stomach. You’re right that a sandwich is probably not the best thing to eat before you play, as starchy foods can be overly salty (which’ll affect your embouchure) and can also make you feel less sharp. But that doesn’t mean you can’t eat anything at all. In fact, it’s awfully important that your blood sugar doesn’t get too low and aggravate your adrenaline response which can affect your breathing. Fruit, especially banana, is always really good, so long as you rinse your mouth out really well after.

Eating after the performance is really important too. I’m with you - I certainly wouldn’t want to be preparing a dinner at 11 at night after performing all evening! And it’s unfortunate that you don’t get a sandwich anymore, but hopefully you enjoy what you’re doing enough to fix your supper before you go, and then just eat it when you get home.

62

Is it that rough to fix yourself a sandwich when you get home?

C’mon, are you that spoiled?

Jimminy Christmas.

63

Why can’t you fix something ahead of time and leave it in your very own refrigerator to eat when you get home?

64

How about getting hooked up to one of those IV devices, you know the kind that you can roll around next to you. i’m sure your local medical professional can fix you up if you explain your dilemna. this way you could be getting vital nourishment all night long and still be able to perform.

they may even come in different flavors, although i guess if it is going into your arm , you couldn’t really taste it anyway.

65

Good point. I can throw together a sandwich in under five minutes (and that’s with lettuce, tomato and mayo, thankyouverymuch) and guaranteed it’s going to unsoggy, properly mayo-ed and, get-this, BRAND SPANKIN’ NEW!

Even at 11PM.

Hell, I think I’ll make myself a sandwich right now from the left-over corned beef I made yesterday. I’ve got some stone-ground mustard in the fridge and some “freedom” rolls on the counter. I’m sure having to slice the corned beef and roll will add a significant amount of time to my objet d’art but I’m confident that I can finish in time for lunch.

66

Not gonna let the asshole get to me.

Not gonna let the asshole get to me.

Not gonna let the–WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!? MAKE A SANDWICH BEFORE YOU GO OUT, PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE, AND EAT IT WHEN YOU GET HOME, YOU POMPOUS ASS!

67

Oops, I let the asshole get to me, didn’t I? Sorry.

68

God are all you people fucking idiots? Zenster volunteers his time and makes this bookstore’s production professional rather than amateur. Presumably, the open mic night is there to draw in a crowd and make the store more money. A professional quality production will be more enticing to customers than a laughingly amateurish one. Why shouldn’t Zenster at least expect a bit of appreciation for his efforts, since he’s making the store money by providing them?

The manager doesn’t technically owe Zenster anything, but he is a complete and utter fool for not being extra nice to him. He’s got a guy who will set up and break down the system, provide equipment, emcee, etc. for nothing more than a $0.50 drink and an old sandwich, that he’d probably have to throw out anyway at the end of the night.

Instead, the store will do absolutely nothing to show Zenster any appreciation for his efforts. Surprise, people LIKE to feel appreciated. He’ll feel bad about this lack, and (obviously) may not want to continue anymore. Open mic night goes back to amateur hour, people stop showing up, store makes less money.

Stupid, stupid, stupid decision.

69

Do the store management offer you any sort of thank you?

70

I agree with Cheesesteak- it’s not about the sandwhich, (most likely), it’s about the fact that he saw an opportunity to make the open mic night better and more fun, and the management found that agreeable. My husband and I have both had our share of weird bar/venue owners and managers that will gladly take what you offer and not give even the most inexpensive token of appreciation. Maybe it’s a “you had to be there” situation, but I’ve seen it and lived it, and it really does make one feel bad.

Should he expect compensation- monetary or product- if it’s not agreed upon in advance? Of course not. But that doesn’t make it feel any better when someone basically sends the message “you’re not even worth a free sandwhich.”

We’ve found that venue managers/owners go both ways- we’ve had some that welcome me to their establishment and my money is just no good- free drinks (I usually have soda, but even free beer), free food, drink chips to use at another time. We’ve had others where he works his ass off and makes the bar a LOT of money (and I mean a lot), and they gladly charge me for every single possible thing, including cheese on my burger. I don’t expect any different, but it’s nice when someone thinks enough of you to comp you a drink or dinner for your work. (or for me, just for showing up with my husband. He generally works out his own food/drinks in advance since he ran into the same issues). So my point is, sometimes I get free stuff and I only occasionally perform with him. I don’t do any of the work Zenster does. I get freebies by association.

I don’t know- frankly I do think Zenster needs to calm down about it and just realize that most people are just not going to understand what he’s talking about. (including bar owners) I don’t know him from Adam, so maybe there’s a prior attitude issue I’m not aware of, but is it really that hard to see his point of view? It’s kind of like being at your job and your boss can’t bother to show you appreciation in a small way. It’s not the end of the world, but it’s a slap in the face, you know? Even at a volunteer job, it’s nice to be shown a little appreciation.

In the end, I stand by my prior assertion that Zenster needs to get out of there and solicit other open mic nights and be their setup man. Down here (in NC) that’s a paying job. It’s important that if you provide a valuable service, you put some value on it, be it monetary or a trade. Don’t let people take advantage of your generosity, and just let this be a lesson about negotiation. In the future, approach the manager and say “hey, if you’re interested, I can really make this open mic night better soundwise- I’ll do it for the cost of a light dinner, if that’s agreeable” Anyone who says no to that doesn’t deserve to have you working there, for pay or not.