Right. Now, about those orders. The plane with all the fixings just landed, so I’ll start unloading.
katiekilldare, one of Jester’s Patented Liquid Lobotomies coming right up, heavy on the Ny-Quil. Is 84 ounces enough? Hey! Slow down there, you don’t want to dissolve all your brain cells at once, do you?
Everyone just ignore saepiroth. He sucked down a Liquid Lobotomy too fast and he hasn’t been quite right since.
screech-owl, the House o’ Cats is coming soon, down the street. As for XXX portions, well, I’m afraid I can’t help you there. [sub]psst…look in the back room. <wink>[/sub] And here’s your cheesburger. I figure, why go quarter pound, or half pound, when you can have TEN pound? And I dipped the whole thing in grease, just for effect. Enjoy!
SPOOFE, you came to the right place. Here’s a lil’ something that I’ve been saving for just somebody like you…
<reaches under cabinet and pulls out a bottle of Josta, covered in cobwebs. Dusts it off and pours it into a glass>
Ahhhhhhhh, mid-nineties. Good vintage.
Francesca, what do you mean “bag” of peanuts? You don’t think I’d limit myself to something that small, do you? We’re at Jester’s House o’ Eats here! Your flatbed full of peanuts is waiting out back.
spooje, I’m not a shopkeep, I’m a food connesieur. But, since I’m also a nice guy, one egg creame the size of your head coming right up.
MsRobyn, here ya go. Chocolate donuts are my specialty; I call this one the “gargantuan”. And one tub of coffee with that. As for the killing…well, if saepiroth comes in here again, you know what to do.
Pucette, here’s your jumbo tub o’ nachos and one banana milkshake. But…I wouldn’t wait TOO long to drink that milkshake. Cuz if it melts…well, it IS kinda big…and we don’t want to flood any small towns, do we?
Gravity, your lack of experience with the beauty of Josta makes me sad. Since you’ve obviously been deprived of one of the finer things in life, here comes the best durn double malt and gravy fries order I’ve ever made. Poor child.
Bosda, you’ve finally given me an order worthy of my talents. Here we go:
-One Celtic mead with cream, served in a nice big cauldron.
-Haggis, nice n’ bloody. (What would Scylla think?)
-I believe Opal can have a soda, on the house.
-Hell, why not a whole deep-fried pig? Trust me, you’ll like it.
-Freshly squeezed Kraut juice, comin right up. (Hold the Saur, eh? Sorry, bad joke)
-I misread this next one. I’m afraid you now have 10 TONS of Circus Peanuts. What you do with them is your own damn business.
-Double helping of grits, check. Though you might wanna eat these outside; the tables can’t hold em.
-Raw zucchini, freshly picked by my personal zombi…err…helpers, out in the garden.
-100 gallon Bucket o’ Spam, right here for ya. You might want to check the expiration date, though.
-You’re in luck! I just cleaned the drains this morning. Enjoy!
-One Yak, comin up. You’re lucky that I got my deep frier from the army. It can flash-fry a buffalo in 90 seconds.
-Oh, and a tanker truck full of BBQ sauce.
caveman, why are you running? Ketchup is the only way that it’s spelled around here. I refuse service to those who don’t speak of it correctly. One hot dog comin right up.
And Dire Wolf, since you acronized my shop name, you get a %10 discount. (Note that the prices will still probably put you out onto the street, but hey, you’ll be better off than all those OTHER poor saps, right?)
Now, onto the orders…
-2 artery cloggers, nice n’ dirty, with onions and mustard.
-Why just a sofa cushion? I got you a pretzel the size of a SOFA.
-3 Eskimo Pies the likes of which this world has never seen.
-One plate of cheesy nachos, though the nacho-to-cheese ration might actually make it a plate of nachoey cheese.
-You can have some of Gravity’s leftover Circus Peanuts.
-Once again, you don’t aim high enough. I got you a shopping CART of greasy fried onion rings.
-And a…<sigh>…Diet Pepsi.
Dire Wolf’s post just reminded me, though: Jester’s House o’ Eats features a crack team of staff paramedics trained in heart attack treatment on duty all the time! So fear not, and eat all the grease you can hold!
Phew! <adjusts little paper cap>
Next?
