It's good to be the King!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

In a recent…interesting IM convo with Zoggie, we got onto the topic of what we would do if we could go back in time. Naturally, being the power-mad, testosterone-driven individual that I am, I stated that I would go to medeival times, and bring along tanks, helicoptors, rifles, etc., and scare the living crap out of some errant knights.

An interesting enough fantasy.

But, being the random, bored, illogical individual that I ALSO happen to be, I took it to heart, and constructed a time machine. I packed the aforementioned weapons of mass destruction, as well as my laptop, and set off to Europe, cerca the dark ages. I quickly conquered the entire continent with my advanced weaponry, and set myself up as Grand High Puba of All That Is Good and Holy, and Most of What Isn’t.

Only problem is, Jester’s getting lonely. Here I am, in my throne, with nobody but my stuffed fish from Home Depot (Now named Eric, Lord of Catfish), and my cat to keep me company.

So, in the interest of raising cain medievil style, I am opening the floor, and the time machine, to anyone who wants to keep me company. I need guards, beautiful princesses, evil, scheming princes, clowns, and, of course, lots of concubines. So, c’mon in, the doors open, and we’re partying like twas 1599!

2

Obviously i am your beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, and witty head concubine. Who eventually tries to poison you, but let’s forget about that for awhile, darling, alrighT?

3

Can I be a beautiful princess? And can I bring MY cat?

Please?

Scotti

4

PS…I PROMISE not to hit you with any pies in this one, REALLY I do!

5

I’ve always wanted to be a royal mage. I don’t care if I don’t have any magical skills… or do I…?

OOOOOooooooOOOOooooOOooOOOeeeeeeeeeeeee…

6

“Concubines? CONCUBINES?!?!” <mutters something under her breath>

I wanna be the evil, scheming Mage. Can I? Please? Please? Bent on your destruction after being dismissed from your sevices because you wanted CONCUBINES!

I’m not bitter, I swear. I’m going back to my book.

7

As the proud owner of a heavily-annotated copy of de Callieres’ On the Manner of Negotiating with Princes and as a rabid Diplomacy player, I offer my services as the apparently loyal and very manipulative advisor with maybe a little ambition. Just a teensy-bit.

Of course, sire, I am behind you all the way … standing right behind you.

8

I submit my application for Captian of the Royal Guard. I’ll need an Uzi and Body Armor.

9

err… Captain

10

hee-hee…the Jester who would be king. I like it.

11

Oohh, oohh, I wanna be an evil, scheming prince. I’m qualified. I can rub my hands together while laughing maniacly, and I wear a goatee!

12

I will be the prophet who riles up all the common folk into rebellion against you because your strange scary weapons are obviously tools of the devil and therefore you must be evil.

13

I desire to be a governor of a far off province. My loyalty to His Grand High Puba of All That Is Good and Holy, and Most of What Isn’t is above reprieve. I only desire a chance to prove my loyalty while allowing me to rule as I wish without to much central government influence.

Uh, ignore any stockpiling of weapons. That is for the invading hordes outside of your territory. Yeah, that’s it.

14

I believe I am most suitable to be your doting, beloved aunt who spoiled you as a child and who indulges you like no other. I shall always reassure you that you are right and the rest are not worthy of you… And, naturally, you ensure that I enjoy the luxury and comfort befitting one of my beloved status.

15

I want to be a devastatingly beautiful sorceress mixing up potions in the tower.

You’ll have to decide whether I’m good or evil!

16

I nominate myself as the Master of Fence. Because you’ll run out of ammo eventually, and you will need someone to teach you a little about the business end of a blade.

Hey LNO:

Ditto that. Are you playing in the World Masters 2000 tournament?

MR

17

Maeglin- no World Masters 2000 for me, even though it was incredibly tempting.

[hijack]
What’s even more tempting is seeing if we can scrounge up seven Dopers who have the time and inclination to play a game or three of Diplomacy. This sounds like thread material.
[/hijack]

18

Can I be executioner?

Of course under Jester’s wonderful and amazing reign, everyone would be happy and the crime rate would be next to nothing, so executions would be unnecessary. I just wanna were the black mask, wield a HUGE axe, and generally look menacing.

19

[hijack]
“You have a pet fish? Called Eric…Eric the Fish?”

I’m slightly surprised no one else said it.
[/hijack]

hands in his application for the position of “Local Hermit.”

Tor

20

Torberg, Toreberg, Torberg, how much you have left to learn. The entire Eric saga is posted in this thread right here. You don’t think that I’d get a 5 ft. catfish and not share it with the Dopers, do you? I’m much to addicted for that.