To the Wonderful People at the Timex Alarm Clock Division

The BBQ Pit
1

I recognize that you are all very busy people. You make timepieces for a living. I understand how that can result in a fairly tight schedule.

But WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU FRIGGIN’ THINKING?

You see, I, like many others, am not a morning person. I’ve realized this; I’ve come to terms with it, and I’ve actually become almost punctual. I have done this only with the help of one of your devices.

Until today, of course. It’s one o’friggin clock. I had to be at work at 11:00. I also had to be at class at 12:30. Both of those times have come and gone, because your wonderful device has, for some reason unbeknownst to me, decided that today was the day it would stop working.

I know the clock isn’t brand new, but I’m pretty sure that the box didn’t say “ARBITRARILY CEASES TO FUNCTION” on it as one of the added features. I also didn’t see “NEW DayWrecker[sup]TM[/sup] Technology will SCREW UP YOUR LIFE!.”

And to clarify, no, the batteries are not dead. No, the time is not set incorrectly. No, the switch is not in the wrong position. Everything was set as it was supposed to be. And no, I didn’t sleep through it. The bugger just decided that today it was going to go on vacation.

Fortunately, today wasn’t particularly important. But it could’ve been. Today could’ve been my mother’s funeral. Today could’ve been my wedding. Today could’ve been my graduation. It could’ve been finals, it could’ve been a job interview, it could’ve been several thousand rather important things, and I wouldn’t’ve known it until it was over.

So thank you, Timex corporation. I’d ask you to remind me to slaughter all of your household pets, but I don’t think you’re capable of that.

2

Last night, while fumbling for the “turn alarm on” button, I flipped the “AM/FM” button. I did manage to set the alarm. However, instead of the usual Morning Edition fanfare, at the appointed time the radio began softly playing featureless static.

This did not wake me up.

Nobody’s fault but my own. Luckily, I don’t have to be at work at any particular time.

3

I’m thinking the alarm clock was made in China. I’m thinking this “feature” was a deliberate attempt to trash the work day of hard working honest 'mercuns.

I’m thinking the invasion is just around the corner…your faulty alarm clock is the proverbial canary in the coal mine for us…start stockpiling folks :smiley:

4

You think you got it bad? I don’t know the exact date, but at some point in college I taught myself how to turn off my alarm clock WITHOUT WAKING UP! I didn’t mean to do this, I didn’t want to do this, for a while I wasn’t even aware I was doing it. And I was really good at it, too. For about a year, I had to keep my alarm clock on the other side of the room until I graduated. Luckily, my work these days doesn’t start until 11 AM, so I can (usually) get out of bed under my own power.

5

Yep. Me, too. My alarm clock is six feet from my bed, up on the desk, so I have to get up to turn it off. Otherwise I’ll just semi-consciously turn it off and roll over back to sleep.

I’m not a morning person…

jayjay

6

Bah. Until you’ve made it across the room, turned off the alarm, and gotten back into bed without being aware of it, you don’t know how bad you have it.

It takes no fewer than 4 alarm clocks to get me out of bed most mornings. Strategically placed in 4 spots: next to the bed, across the bedroom, in the kitchen and in the living room. The one next to the bed is the loudest, and it brings me to the edge of consciousness. I hit snooze, and about the time it goes off again, the others are going off. Meanwhile, I smell the coffee brewing, another incentive to get up, and then the TV kicks on, bringing me the oh-so-delightful news of the day.

[sub]I try going to bed earlier, doesn’t help, because I don’t fall asleep until my usual time.[/sub]

Broken alarm clocks piss me off, and require immediate replacement, else I risk throwing my whole intricate schedule to the wind. :stuck_out_tongue:

7

Brothers and Sisters, there is an answer to the perennial conflict between the morning sleeper and the alarm clock. Dairy farmers as a class are either adapted to early rising or dairy farming is a vocation for which early risers are self-selected. What you do is live with a dairy farmer or an immediate descendent of one. Mrs. Gelding descends from a long line of country folk who have been rousing up before dawn to pull a warm teat for so many generations that the trait has become part of her inherited instinct. Long ago she learned that an alarm clock makes no impression on a sleeping Gelding. As an expedient, she prods me into consciousness with a pointed stick each weekday morning. While a pointed stick may do little to encourage a cheerful disposition, it is an excellent eye opener.

8

That seems wrong somehow…

Anyhoo, someone who was sick and tired of my snooze button addiction gave me an alarm clock that was a ball. To activate the snooze you had to throw it against the wall.

It was actually quite satisfying…until the alarm went off the second time and I had to crawl under the bed to turn it off.

9

Scene: my bedroom, earlier this morning. The time is just after seven, and, in one corner, a huge somnolent mass hovers on the borders of consciousness.

Me: …urrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh…

*Radio alarm is set to Radio 3. Unfortunately, today Radio 3 is playing soothing music, precluding an immediate return to alertness. *

Me: …hghungh…huhkh… what’s that? … heard something… oh yes… radio…

Semi-conscious head lifts briefly off pillow

Me: … think that’s radio… must be time to get up… what time is it?

Reaches for bedside clock. Fumbles. Picks up something that feels, to a partially conscious bog-eyed reject from the nethermost pits of Hades, like a clock. Discovers that it is, in fact, a plastic cup half-full of water by the simple expedient of pouring contents of same into left ear.

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIgurglesplortAAIIAIIIIIII!!!

Trust me: it wakes you up. Trust me on this also: I don’t recommend it.
(No, I’m not a “morning person”, either. Had you guessed?)

10

Sue Duhnym

I MUST know how to obtain one of those alarm clocks for myself. And yes, I am one of those people who can hit the snooze button on an alarm clock that is sitting across the room in my sleep. I’m sure if I had to hunt for where my alarm clock rebounded off the wall, it would help.

11

I buy General Electric alarm clocks.
They work despite the big dent in the snooze button.

12

I also MUST have one of those clocks you throw against the wall!

I’m the kind of person who can do all kinds of thing in their sleep without really being conscious, including disposing of alarm clocks in various fashions. Once a friend witnessed as I threw my clock into a closet, walked over to my telephone and urinated on it before going back to bed.
Hasn’t happened since, and I just hope that was a one off thing!

— G. Raven

13

I can confirm that Lola can hit the snooze button repeatedly without waking up, the only problem is that the damn thing wakes me up when I have no reason to be getting up. I find that the best way for me to get up is to have someone give me a wakeup call, I too can turn off the alarm in my sleep but the phone gets me up everytime. Having Lola repeatedly hit me in the back with her elbow is a sure way to get me up in a good mood too.

It must be because it’s Monday, I did an overnight shift where I get paid to sleep… cool huh? Anyways, someone set the alarm clock to pm instead of am so the alarm didn’t go off at 0530 as it was supposed to. There was a little bit of panic when I woke up an hour later than I was supposed to.

14

That ancient(1984-vintage) GE clock radio of mine has an FM
tuner that occasionally drifts slightly, but it keeps perfect time and the alarm always functions properly.

Also, this radio’s digital clock is the most power-dip in-
sensitive of all my home’s digital clocks/timers. It takes a full-fledged blackout to knock this baby out.