To Whom It May Concern,

To My Boss

When you ask me to ring all our debtors today, fax our suppliers by lunchtime, work reception, write the newsletter that was due last week, liaise with the auditor who’s dropping in today and make you coffee –

don’t yell at me when your bloody coffees cold.

Yes we need a temp, the fact I accidentally deleted the contents of my hard drive because I am trying to do 10 things at once and thus am a little stressed didn’t give it away? Me asking for a temp for the last month didn’t give you a clue? Make your own coffee from now on mate!

To the Old Guy Who Called

When the sign says concession fee $9, that means if you pay $9. Don’t ask me if your pensioner concession card will get you in for $9 if the word concession didn’t tip you off then I’m not going to.

To the Young Lady Who Called

Don’t ask me what the hotel rates in Melbourne are – I am not a travel agent, nor have I ever been. If you want to know what the hotel rates in Melbourne are call a hotel.

To my Sister In Law

Its your freaking dinner party, if you want to invite the vicar, his wife, your brother, a blind date for your brother and the guy you want to bonk that’s fine by me – BUT don’t ask me to cook it for you. And if out of the goodness of my heart and pity for the guests who would otherwise have to eat the feral offerings that you call food I do happen to cook the meal – THEN DON”T COMPLAIN. I don’t give a fuck if you don’t like Thai or Indian food I DO and I am the cook.

To Auditor

It’s not OK to go to the pub and have a liquid lunch whilst you are auditing our accounts. I don’t care what your excuse is, you are a relic of an older time at this company when management thought it was OK to drink all day and abuse the staff. If after your lunch you decide it would be fun to come back to the office and yell at me don’t expect me to take it meekly. I have a New Kids on the Block CD and I’m not scared to use it.

To the Guy with the Stolen RV

So your RV got stolen, I’m very sorry. Yes I can post the details for you on our website and fax all the RV sales and repair yards. But if you posted me your original of the police report and it got lost in the mail there is nothing I can do. If you do not have the brains to photocopy important documents and keep the original then you should have to deal with the consequences.

To My Cat

My wedding dress is not a substitute for your kitty litter tray. I know I will not be wearing it again (in the near future) but that doesn’t make your behaviour acceptable. Don’t try and be cute I am still mad at you, do not purr and curl up on my lap I will not weaken.

The cat always wins.

Sheeez, I’d always heard you Aussie babes were tough…
:smiley:

To The Idiot On The Phone

When I asked you to let me know today that does not mean you can call me back 3 days later and expect me to jump through hoops for you. Yes I am typeing your request as we speak, hear how eager I am to be of service to you. I am in no way surfing the internet and posting on a message boards whilst I listen to you whine. Now please pause whilst I reach down the line, grab the reciever out of your hand and bash you around the head with it.

To My Boss

Again I must confront you. Just because you can dismantle and reassemble a car and it will still work does not mean you are in any way qualified to do any of the following: produce TV commercials, write copy, write our newsletter, publish a magazine, work in radio, audit accounts, or fuck with my database. Please cease trying to do so and leave it to the experts that is what we pay them for.

To Mr. Blue Sky

Tough is as tough does but nothing beats bubblegum pop and its patented sugary sweet, grab you by the ear drums and twist your musical receptors until they hurt style of music.

To Cargogal

The cat will not win this time, I am stronger than her, I shall buy a dog…Awww look she caught a rabbit and its bigger than her how smart is she. :slight_smile:

Just wait until she eats the whole thing then barfs the hairball under your bed.

Watching your mistress running round the house at 2AM and hiding in the broom closet, all without lifting a paw - is that smart or what?