Toilet-paper klingons: is this really a problem???

OK, it’s late, and I’ve had a bad day, so I’m tired and cranky and in no mood to put up with Cottenelle’s advertising foolishness.

Have you seen their campaign with the bears who prefer Cottenelle (I think it’s Cottenelle) because it doesn’t disintegrate and leave bits of tissue behind whilst it is performing its designed function. It is clear in the commercial that what is being discussed is tissue, and not the other possibility.

WTF? Never, not even once in my life have I had this be a problem, certainly not to the point of it influencing my choice in ass-cleaning material. These commercials, to borrow a useful Brit word, leave me gobsmacked. SERIOUSLY? TP Klingons? How / when did this become a problem? How hard must one wipe to cause the disintegration of the tissue? Am I just lucky that I’ve never known the horror of TP Klingons, and that this is a wide-spread affliction?

The campaign must be working, they’ve run the commercials for quite a while now, and why would Cottenelle advertise their product doesn’t cause a problem that doesn’t exist? But how in the good name of guacamole is this a problem? I truly do not have even one iota of comprehension here. How / why is it a problem? Do people REALLY suffer from TP Klingons, and if they do- why is it such a big deal? I am genuinely flummoxed; it is beyond my ken. Help me dopers, you’re my only hope!

It’s Charmin, and…here’s the thing: have you ever noticed a product advertising that their product will eliminate a problem, when actually it’s actually that product which is the worst offender? That’s Charmin. It’s particularly soft and doesn’t have embossing to strengthen the sheets of paper and, yes, tends to make little rolls which fall off as you use it. I *have *had that problem with Charmin, and never had it with another brand of toilet paper.

See also: underarm deodorants which advertise that they don’t leave white marks on your black dresses.

Real bears use rabbits.

It seems really tooooo soft, and very linty.

OTOH, some brands have a little more “crisp” texture (as in, something like the feel of burnt toast), and tend to chafe.

Jimbabweosu: “But how in the good name of guacamole is this a problem?” Is guacamole another useful Brit word? :cool:

Yeah, but the best thing is the neck of a goose.

Let’s move this over to IMHO.

General Questions Moderator

A little while back, a coworker described how the sewage pipes at his house had been clogged up by Charmin paper, claimingly because it’s a bit more resilient/tougher than other toilet paper. They called the 800 line to complain, and were asked to send a sample of the problem (!!) so they could get a refund.

Okay, yeah. Sheesh! The things we find to chat about!

Yes, sometimes, I find little twists and scraps of toilet paper in my skivvies, or in my bed, or, when showering, hither and yon on my bod. (My magnificent, statuesque, Apollonian bod, may I say!)

Big freakin’ deal! It happens. I don’t CARE! I’m sure as hell not going to switch to a brand that is scientifically formulated to prevent this grievous affront to my personal civility!

(Yes, I am actually old enough to remember outhouses and the Sears Roebuck and Company catalog!)

The more, thicker hair you have down there, the more that will cause a “grating” action that will cause some flakes of paper to come apart.

I will sometimes get them if I don’t use Cottonelle Ultra and then am not careful to be extra gentle on the paper.

The thing that bugs me about these commercials the most is that the bear has the paper wads on his asscheeks. I can understand paper getting caught up in the crack. How in the world are you wiping to get paper wads on your buttcheeks though?!?!?

How furry is your ass?

Exactly. For those of us with a more hirsute trim to the lower eye, wiping enough to approach cleanliness begins to result in deterioration of the paper.

I tend to think that TP klingons are about as big a problem as all those toilet paper tubes that are clogging our landfills, but Kimberly-Clark have a solution for that: Tubeless Toilet Paper.

If you’re wiping your asscheeks, rather than your buttcrack, either you’re doing it wrong or you’ve just had a situation in your underwear that pales in comparison to leftover bits of TP.

Although Mangetout has a point about this, the ass in question belongs to a bear.

sounds like one of these advertising things where they invent a problem that doesn’t exist, so they can sell you a “solution”.

we have one here where they advertise that the paper has a ‘gripple’ which is more effective, as demonstrated by a cute puppy who goes around sniffing people… we always joke about how they can get away with this stuff.

I’ve never had this problem. I have used Scott paper since I was a wee lad; the stuff’s tough.

DH calls Scottie’s “ass scratchers”.

I don’t think Klingons even use toilet paper. Don’t they use tribbles or something?

Oh. Wait.

I always sort of thought that Cottonelle commercial was being coy, and they actually weren’t referring to TP “klingons,” but rather the other variety which they couldn’t refer to on TV. Sort of a metaphor, kind of like the blue liquid they use in sanitary-napkin commercials because showing blood (or even red liquid) would skeeve out the viewer. The whole commercial is kind of coy anyway, so it would fit.