“Let’s take a measured and thoughtful course as we figure out what we’ll do in the future” said Tom plangently.
“Ladies, I promise you this is the best product for removing unwanted stubble from your legs” said Tom, who had always been known as a ne’er-do-well.
“Judy, Judy, Judy”, Cary granted.
“I always feel smarter after a few brewskis” said Bud, wiser.
“I don’t care if you think I’m a psycho, I’m going to tear this prostitute apart, limb by limb!” said Tom, horrendously.
(Sorry. 
)
“I’ve had enough of this singing show!” said Tom gleefully.
“My sex change operation was a success!” said Glenda/Glen, buoyed by recent events.
“I’ll get you, Harry Potter” said Malfoy, with draconian intentions.
“If we can get McMahon to fall for this phony scheme, we can take over the WWE” said Tom convincingly.
“I’m giving you a lot of grief, sure, but I actually admire you greatly” Tom guffawed.
“I see on ‘Scandal’ they gave the First Lady that virus that’s been going around”, Tom said mellifluously.
“Looks like Grandpa Theodore gave up the ghost,” said Tom, spiritedly.
“Before too long I’d had enough of my hippie pad in San Francisco” said Tom hatefully.
“I can’t find that word in any dictionary” Tom said meaninglessly.
“I’ll have spud sex if I want to,” said Tom, like a dictator.
“I love this miniature reproduction you gave me of the bike I had when I was a kid” said Tom, getting a little huffy.
“The replay clearly shows that the third baseman missed the tag” the umpire vouchsafed.
“This isn’t my cat’s hair and dead skin particles I’m cleaning off this chair, is it? No, it looks like my own!” said Tom, getting his dander up.
“I insist on wool-polyester blends in all my clothing” said Tom at the men’s department, not cottoning much to what was on display.
(You’ve been a great inspiration to all of us, DChord568 
)
Thanks! 
Swifties have been a long-time sick obsession of mine. The first couple dozen or so I posted here were ones I’d made up down through the many years and collected in a file.
But I’ve been inspired to create many new ones by all the other clever folks here. It’s been great fun!