“Wow, I never realized how insanely happy gunning my hot rod’s engine would make me” said Tom, experiencing a revelation.
“Between this fake AT&T commercial and one of our regulars, we have two of the top comediennes in all of show business on tonight’s episode” said Lorne Michaels, gilding the lily.
“Did you forget what the Earth’s core consists of?” Tom said ironically.
“I’m deaf, blind and anosmic, and have ageusia and tactile anesthesia” said Tom senselessly.
“After I take a shit, I always look into the toilet to admire my handiwork” said Tom, minding his own business.
“When I go on vacation, I while away the hours multiplying numbers by themselves” said Tom, getting things squared away.
“I can’t figure out these crazy French roads”, Tom complained ruefully.
“I would like to participate in the peach harvest.” Tom remarked, staying on topic.
Good one!
“I can’t stop laughing at that fat French guy’s derriere” said Tom, looking at his rear end.
“I’m giving up on boxer shorts and going to tighty whities. They’ll stay in place better”, said Tom, jockeying for position.
“The elastic on these boxer shorts is so worn out that they’re starting to slip down” said Tom, with disaster looming.
“Store security nabbed me when I tried to shoplift a bunch of boxers and tighty-whiteys” said Tom, caught unawares.
Jeez, I’m turning into one of those old guys who repeats himself without realizing it!
“It appears that no one here has ever heard of the world’s most prominent manufacturer of pinball machines” said Tom amidst all the ballyhoo.
“I hope the authorities don’t catch on to my plan to illegally trap minks out of season” said Tom furtively.
“I’ll just while away the time doing some shucking while I’m here waiting for the stadium box office to open,” said Tom, minding his peas and queues.
“The wind is getting stronger again, everyone!” Tom regaled the crowd.
“I’m about the most average guy you’ll ever meet” said Tom, but he was just being mean.
“Time for a shave” said Tom, rising up.
“My singing is louder than your singing,” Tom told Mary, unequivocally.