I hate when that happens.
No, no, no, what you do is wear the pant leg on the end of your schlong like a elephant sized condom, then you take a whiz. Gravity pulls your yellow liquid treasure down to the earth, and consequently up the pant leg. That would be the easiest way to do it without pissing on yourself.
Then you mail the pants to Shodan. Be sure to wrap them up in a watertight container to preserve the moisture, which is the most essential ingredient in a gift of this type.
At the megacorp I work for, the threshhold for reportable offensive behavior is incredibly low. If a co-workers engages in actions or words which might be conceivably thought of as potentially offensive to someone with respect to any protected category it is mandated that it be reported immediately to the ethics council or HR or the anonymous ethics hotline.
The threshold is so low that the rule basically kills itself.
Shodan and I seldom agree about anything political. In my own opinion, I think that he buys into a very distorted view of reality – (such as the notion that “they” are out to destroy public acknowledgement of the Christmas season or Easter). Strawmen. All of it.
And he can twist my words as well as anyone I know. I finally figured out that that is probably what he thinks I am saying.
But I don’t think that I have ever even considered that he would deliberately deceive us to make a point. (Of course, I do have a faulty memory…)
Don’t pick at Shodan for his error after ignoring my pleas to change this deliberately (by admission of its author) erroneous and stereotype-promoting thread title of days gone by: **Georgia Schools: Dinosaurs Now Called ‘Jesus Horses’ **
Of course, the mod involved wasn’t Tom, but I didn’t want to miss a chance to bring it up again. I’m sentimental that way.
You know, we at the great atheist cabal to destroy Christian prayers were JUST DISCUSSING how maybe if we started a war on easter too, we could potentially bring about a hilarious round of head-exploding from excitable wannabe martyrs. http://echidneofthesnakes.blogspot.com/2006_03_01_echidneofthesnakes_archive.html#114315055765049629
This is almost AWESOME as SNAKES ON A PLANE.
I guess still I see it as a different situation. The Human Rights Director is hired by the city to enforce their Human Rights Ordinance, just as an Animal Control Officer is hired by the city to enforce their Animal Ordinance. Even if there are analogous positions in the private sector, the fact that they’re hired by government to enforce laws seems to me to be a fundamental difference.
Daniel
In the interest of keeping the discussion grounded in reality:
…you can piss up your pant leg, if you’re not wearing the pants at the time.,
Shodan- you were wrong. Tom was right. This thread just make you look more wrong. Drop it.
My first response to this topic was a bit flippant, so I’m going to apologize for that and treat the subject with the gravity it deserves.
From my point of view there are several ways one can intepret the phrase “piss up [your] own pant leg”.[ol][li]To get piss all over one’s pant leg. c.f. similar usages of “mess up” and “foul up”, neither of which imply a direction in relation to the prevailing gravitational vector. The physics of this are not particularly daunting, can be performed by either gender, and are similar in both a pants on, and pants off, state. This is also a resonably likely interpretation of the intent of the phrase. The phrase has its origin in the larger, and much less nonsensical, phrase “Don’t piss up my pant leg and try to tell me it’s raining.” This usage supports the idea that the pant leg getting wet it the key factor, not necessarially the direction of the flow of piss.[]To piss in a generally opposite direction to the prevailing gravitational vector so that the piss stream travels from the lower portions of a pant leg, actively being worn by the pisser, to the upper portions. This is the most literal interpretation and also the most daunting physically. As noted it would require either contortions of the normal body positions(and would entail significant cleanup of non-pant areas afterwards), or extraordinary natural endowment. Possible alternative measures include the use of external equipment to re-direct the flow of piss(e.g. a catheter). Use of external equipment would be the only practical way this could be accomplished by the average woman.[]To create a flow of piss in a generally opposite direction to the prevailing gravitational vector such that the piss travels from the lower portions of a pant leg, either not being worn, or being worn in an unorthodox manner(c.f. “elephant condom”), by the pisser, to the upper portions. This seems a less likely interpretation as it has the least likelyhood of getting piss on the person being insulted and therefore diminishes the value of the phrase as an insult. The physics of this method range from the relatively straightforward(put the pants on upside down, or step in a puddle of piss and allow it to wick up the pant leg) to some truly spectacular feats of creative wardrobe and fluid dynamics.[/ol]If I have missed any possible interpretations of the phrase, feel free to piss up your own pant leg.[/li]
Enjoy,
Steven
That’s impossible–you can’t piss up your own pant leg!
Daniel
Is not! I can even teach YOU to do it. I’ve got a catheter right here.
Enjoy,
Steven
If the pants had a sufficent degree of capillary action…
Oh come on people, it is easy! You remove your implement from your trousers, you direct your stream of piss to the bottom of your trouser leg then work you way up the trouser leg.
God! Do I have to explain everything to you?
This method would be covered under item 2(contorting the penis so it faces back towards the leg, or lifting/moving the leg to get it in the “line of fire” of the penis) and item 3(unless your normal way of wearing your pants includes your penis hanging out).
I am, however, impressed at your simple and straightforward solution to the problem at hand. One would think you’ve done this before!
Enjoy,
Steven
Only by accident!
Look Shodan:
http://www.norwegianity.com/index.php?itemid=230
Solidarity brother!
Couldn’t you take the pants off first?
Geez, can we let this thread sink off the page already? I keep reading the title as " tomndebb Sits on the Throne".
Although with all the pissing jokes we’ve ended up with, maybe that’d be more appropriate …