AARGH! I am so fucking tired of sensationalist media. I rarely watch tv. But lately, everytime I turn it on, I catch a promo for the news, that goes something like this…“Tonight on America Strikes Back… We will take a look at the fashions that make Afghanistan such a bad place to live…” What’s next? I can see it now. “Tonight on America Strikes Back…George Bush admits his secret love for Donald Rumsfeld while the White House chef shows us how to turn nuked mountain goat into a delicious afternoon snack for the kids.” When did the War on Terrorism turn into a poorly written sitcom/talk show? What about the human lives involved in the war? What about the fact that we are actually at war? Maybe it’s just me, but turning war into entertainment turns my stomach. I for one, am turning off the fucking tv.
America Strikes Back
(Dunh dunh dunh dunh dunh, dunh dunh dunh, dunh dunh…)
Osama Bin Laden: (breathing heavily) George W. Bush… I am your father!
George W. Bush: Noooooo!!!
George H. W. Bush: Noooooo!!!
Barbara Bush: Yep
Yeah, but if it’s America Strikes Back, then wouldn’t the dialogue have to go like this?
Donald Rumsfeld: Did Mullah Omar tell you how your father died?
Osama bin Laden: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
DR: No, Osama–I am your father!
ObL: No! Y-you’re lying!
DR: Look into your heart, Osama. You know it is true. Join me–together we will supplant President Bush, and rule the world as father and son! It is your destiny Osama! If only you knew the power of global capitalism and secularized Western culture!
ObL: Never!
DR: ::cuts Osama’s hand off::
[ul]
[li] DR: Sooo…you have a sister![/li][li] ObL: Err…actually I have like 20 of them…lots of brother too.[/li][li] DR: Hah! They were wise to hide themselves from me! Now your family’s failure is complete. If you won’t join me perhaps they will![/li][li] ObL: Uhmm…they already have. They all buy into your godless, money culture! Hell…they were one of the prime contractors you hired to build the Death Star Airbase. They all hate me and have disowned me sniff.[/li][li] DR: Oh. In that case forget I mentioned it.[/li]GUARDS! Take him away!
[/ul]
But, didn’t you know, it’s America’s New War! New & Improved, just like Extra Strength Motrin!
Now with Censorship[sup]TM[/sup]!
Brought to you by… well, we’re not really sure, are we?
Isn’t it obvious? The CIA! I mean, ever since people stopped caring about Cuba, they haven’t had anything to do…