Toothbrush technology gone haywire

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Many times I have marveled over the advancements in the modern toothbrush. It used to be just a simple handle with bristles. For the high tech folks, there was the electric model. Then they came out with the angled Reach brush with the compact head. That was nice. But then as the years passed, they added gum massagers, flossers, fat handles (that don’t fit the common toothbrush holder), plaque removers, tongue scrapers, flexible handles…it just never stops!

I thought to myself, just how much more can they do with a toothbrush that hasn’t already been done? When will this madness end?

Apparently it will never end. Tonight I saw a commercial for a new toothbrush by Oral-B, “The Triumph”. This bad boy has the following: an advanced floss action brushhead AND a power polisher brushhead, a big fat handle with a micro head. And to top it all off, it has an on board COMPUTER so you can select your mode of brushing. Do you want to massage, polish, clean the sensitive areas, or splurge for a whole mouth cleaning? Just tell it, and it will comply. Not sure if you have brushed for the recommended time? That’s okay, it will tell you when you have reached the 2 minute mark, with a signal every 30 seconds so you can switch quadrants. Not sure if your brushhead is worn out? No problem, it will tell you that too - in 13 languages!

Seriously people…are we THAT stupid? I personally have never had a real problem with the old standard brush on a stick. I can actually adjust the pressure I exert for the sensitive areas, and I can tell when I have brushed long enough. When it’s worn out, I pitch it and buy a new one. I don’t need some smiley face and a LCD readout to tell me when its worn down. Are the oral hygienists of the world trying to create a nation of obsessive/compulsive tooth cleansing fanatics?

Top right - BEEP - top left - BEEP - bottom left - BEEP - bottom right - DING!

What happens if you screw up? Electro-shock?

For now, I am just going to stick with the Reach. It fits into the back of my mouth, and into the toothbrush holder. And if I want to brush 40 seconds on the top right and only 20 on the top left, that’s okay.

Besides, I’m holding out for the toothbrush that can walk my dog, defrag my hard drive and send a text message to my momma when my teeth are all clean.

2

Remember, the goal of the nice folks at Oral-B is not to get your teeth clean. Their goal is to make money.

If they can fool you into buying a $10 toothbrush that costs $1 to make, they’re a lot better off than if you buy a $1.50 toothbrush that cost $0.40 to make. All the moreso if it consumes high markup supplies like refill heads, etc.

Fancy toothbrushes are 100% upselling gimickry.

3

I kind of like the two minute warning on my electric toothbrush - when my brain is still only semi-functional after getting up it reminds me how long to brush. I don’t have one of those super-fancy ones that tell me when to switch quadrants or replace the head though. It’s kind of obvious when the brush head needs replacing just by looking at it!

4

Memo to self:

Design toothbrush with wireless network capability that will send email to user’s mother that he/she brushed their teeth before they went to bed.

5

4everkid I think you need to meet Groo .

6

Toothbrush technology has a long wait to go. You obviously haven’t seen the future. I have, you see, and toothbrush technology looks like this:

You buy a small box of dental sanitation agent. In each box is a small packet. You open a packet, and inside is what appears to be a small quantity of baking soda. You pop it in your mouth. When the baking soda dissolves, it releases millions of microscopic, self-replicating nanobots programmed to seek out enamel and remove any particles that adhere to it. They keep in constant communication with one another regarding the status of their little patch of tooth, and once they have all mutually reported that their area is clear, notify you by a wireless receiver in your bathroom and then shut down. Then you simply rinse thoroughly and you’re done. When I visited the future, there were was an optional model that included tongue-cleaning directives, but after hundreds of reports of people’s tongues being completely devoured, the model was recalled for further testing.

7

A lot of the “improvements” are bogus. Some are clearly designed just to look different. The angle changes are the most pointless, since every brush lets you reach every tooth.

8

$10?!! Did you mean to add a zero to that?

The Oral B Triumph is $105 at Amazon.com and retails for $139.99. You can get 4 replacement heads for the Oral B Triumph for $24.99.