I thought I would share these with all the vocalists and singers on this board:
Top Ten Reasons for Being a Soprano
- The rest of the choir exists just to make you look good.
- You can entertain your friends by breaking their wine glasses.
- Can you name an opera where an alto got the man?
- When sopranos want to sing in the shower, they know the tune.
- It’s not like you are ever going to sing the alto part by accident.
- Great costumes-like the hat with the horns on it.
- How many world famous altos can you name?
- When the fat lady sings, she’s usually singing soprano.
- When you get tired of singing the tune, you can sing the descant.
- You can sing along with Michael Jackson.
Top Ten Reasons for Being an Alto
- You get really good at singing E flat.
- You get to sing the same note for 12 consecutive measures.
- You don’t really need to warm up to sing 12 consecutive bars of E flat.
- If the choir really stinks, it’s unlikely the altos will be blamed.
- You have lots of time to chat during soprano solos.
- You get to pretend that you are better than the sopranos, because everybody knows that women only sing soprano so they don’t have to learn to read music.
- You can sometimes find part time work singing tenor.
- Altos get all the great intervals.
- When the sopranos are holding some outrageously high note at the end of an anthem, the altos always get the last words.
- When the altos miss a note, nobody gets hurt.
Top Ten Reasons for Being a Tenor
- Tenors get high-without drugs.
- Name a musical where the bass got the girl.
- You can show the sopranos how it SHOULD be sung.
- Did you ever hear of anyone paying $1000 for a ticket to see The Three Basses?
- Who needs brains when you’ve got resonance?
- Tenors never have to waste time looking through the self-improvement section of the bookstore.
- You get to sing along with John Denver singing “High Calypso”.
- When you get really good at falsetto, you can make tons of money doing voice-overs for cartoon characters.
- Gregorian chant was practically invented for tenors. Nobody invented a genre for basses.
- You can entertain your friends by impersonating Julia Child.
Top Ten Reasons for Being a Bass
- You don’t have to tighten your shorts to reach your note.
- You don’t have to worry about a woman stealing your job.
- …Or a pre-adolescent boy.
- Action heroes are always basses. That is-if they ever sang, they would sing bass.
- You get great memorable lyrics like bom, bom, bom, bom.
- If the singing job doesn’t work out, there’s always broadcasting.
- You never need to learn to read the treble clef.
- If you get a cold, so what?
- For fun, you can sing at the bottom of your range and fool people into thinking there’s an earthquake.
- If you belch while you’re singing, the audience just thinks it’s part of the score.