Top Ten Reasons To Be a Doper

I know there are a (teeming) million reasons to be a Doper, but surely we can figure out what the top ten are. #3, is, (alas?) inevitably, “Hi, Opal!” – but what are the other nine?

I’ll start with two:

  1. The erudition displayed by countless Dopers.
  2. The devastating wit.
  1. Think “Hi, Opal” is hilarious.
  1. You are this person. You know you are.

Truth be told, I’m just in it for the hookers & blow parties.

And the money. Don’t forget the money.

I was in it to track down suspected Soviet spies. Then I found it was cooler than what I figured, so I stayed. We still have Soviet spies here on the boards, but I admit, I love the palpable intrigue and constant cat-and-mouse action.

. . . and the car chase scenes are friggin’ cool too.

Dopers usually get out of parking tickets when they give the secret handshake.

Dropping the “cite” bomb whenever you damn well please.

In Soviet Russia, Hookers blow YOU!
Wait…that 's not funny.

  1. Even the most morbidly insane posters run the risk of asking an interesting and well-thought-out question. Although they invariably put it in the wrong forum, and the mod for that forum doesn’t recognize it as a question and so locks it down. :frowning:

You can have sex with tons of women, but screw a sheep one time…

  1. When the chips are down, you can say “Lick my hairy nutsack, you crazy-ass bitch.”

You get to interact with me.

I’m just here for the pi.

Where else would I have learned the proper response to “Are you a turtle?”

Does that require another question mark? I hate punctuation.

You have a huge penis and an IQ three standard deviations above the mean.

Some of the smartest, coolest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.

Our complete disdain for lesser mortals.

New members bring beer and chocolate in the ultimate Ponzi scheme.

The Doper picture threads.


Going on vacation or business virtually anywhere and being able to meet another Doper. It’s the ultimate in exclusive clubbiness.

People that state the bloody obvious.

Two words: squid party.