If the lady had been specific about what she needed (a cell phone to make a call with, some money to catch a cab with, a Kleenex, etc.), I would have tried to help. I would have also helped if she was injured or looked like she about to injure herself (I’d call 911 in both of these cases).
But my sense pf self-preservation will keep me getting too close to people who appear unhinged. I will ask someone if they are okay and if they need my help. But I don’t feel comfortable standing in the middle of the street holding a stranger’s hand for some indefinite amount of time. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. But just to stand there and witness the raw emotion? I dunno about all that.
I’m with the “don’t engage the crazy” people. I’m sorry but anyone screaming like that in public has the crazy of some type and I’m not getting involved in it at all. I’ve twice had violent issues with unstable people and that’s plenty for me. I mean, I received news that a good friend died (suicide) and had to tell my coworkers/friends about it and I didn’t scream and wail and carry on like that. That’s just weird as hell.
And your friend is nasty for being so judgmental when she obviously didn’t do anything either. Why is it your responsibility? I say you did nothing wrong.
I would have no idea what to say to a person in such a state. I’m not really good with hysterical people I know, much less strangers. It sucks that she lost her job, assuming that’s true and it wasn’t some sort of scam, but I’m not sure what the OP could have done to make it better. I would have done the same, not because I wouldn’t want to help a person who needs it, but because I can’t really see what kind of help I could reasonably offer in that situation.
One day I got some really crappy news at the doctor’s office. I didn’t have a car, so after the appointment I had to walk about a mile to the closest bus stop.
I cried the whole way there. At one point, I was so overwhelmed that I stopped walking and cried into my hands. All pathetic like.
A lady pulled up next to me and asked if I was alright and did I need a ride. She was really sweet. Through tears and snot, I told her I was fine, thank you. And she gave me her card and drove away.
I’m SO glad she didn’t get out of her car and sit with me. That would have made me feel weird and guilty.
I know not everyone is like this, but it could be that the woman in the OP didn’t mean to make a spectacle of herself. A bunch of strangers tending to her may have made her feel worse.
I would have stopped and asked if she needed help.
Yanno… Now and then it’s really okay to let go of detached irony and bitter cynicism and take the leviathan risk of reaching out to a stranger in need. I know, I know, it’s 2014 and if the event cannot be bemusedly encapsulated in a hash tag, it isn’t an event worth experiencing.
I’m not uncaring but what was I going to do? Its late, am I going to offer her a ride across town, a total stranger crying and screaming in the street? What if she stabs me? And am I going to offer her a job, or a loan, or some money to pay her rent?
There’s nothing I would have realistically done. Her problems definitely needs more than just a talking to in order to solve. So the only thing I feel obligated to do is to walk away.
So lemmee get this straight. Serbian classmate, who you give rides to regularly (and we all know what a PITA that is) wants to judge you as an uncaring American. While she does not offer help either. Because she is worried about her own self interest of mooching a ride off you. Uh huh. I might be tempted to tell her to fuck right off and make other arrangements to get herself to her obligations.
In regards to the screaming woman. She turned down help. There were a lot of people present she could have asked. She had a cell phone. I am not going to second guess your gut. I would probably have done the same thing.
Someone DID do this, just not the OP. And if she blew off the first offers of help, why was it necessary for others to try when she clearly was interested? If I was in such a state, I wouldn’t be picking and choosing which assistance I accepted.
As for myself, I also probably would have tentatively offered help, but is she continued to act unhinged and ramped up the hysterics, I would disengage and let the police sort it out.
Let’s not take the situation to it’s worst case conclusion while deciding a course of action.
The police emergency line is to be used for emergencies only. A lady getting fired and having a breakdown in public is not an emergency.
Your obligation as a member of the general public is to make sure that she is not in imminent physical danger, and so satisfied, go on with your day.
In regards to the OP’s Serbian friend; I wonder if she is from a rural area originally? If she was born and raised in Saraevo, she may be disinclined to involve herself in mentally unstable people’s matters.
There are marginalized people in every city who live daily lives in worse situations than this lady. You wouldn’t consider calling 911 for them, because you’ve assigned them to a miserable station in life. What makes this lady special?
If I see someone in distress in public, I have a set of procedures: I stand close enough to the person to talk to them, but not close enough that they can strike me without warning. I try to determine if they are in immediate need of police or an ambulance, or are in some kind of immediate danger. If they’re not, but just kind of losing their shit in public, I move on.
The OP made it sound like she was standing in the middle of the street and screaming as well – that makes it a little different. If someone’s having a full on breakdown, that IS an emergency.
My reaction would depend on the “vibe” I got from the situation - something I can’t know without having been there.
I’m somewhat jaded I guess - I assume a likelihood of some sort of compassion scam, having been “taken” before. However, if I got the feeling the person was sincerely troubled, I would offer to help.
As a librarian, my advice to you is to tell library security and do not engage. (I’d do the same thing. And have. Trust me. I’ve seen this exact type of thing a lot. Bet you she didn’t lose her job. Or if she did, she lost it for being drunk and/or crazy and/or cutting somebody up with a boxcutter. Tell security and go.)
Good advice, Zsofia. We librarians are not trained to intervene in crisis situations. And this kind of thing happens so often in my town that I would have walked on and not given it a second thought. Public hysteria/drama causes my threat avoidance radar to ping loudly.
