Train: Aiiiiyeeeeh Make It Stop

Cafe Society
1

Now, I fully admit that I do not own any album by the band Train. However, every single I have ever heard released by them makes me want to rip myself apart with a rusty prong. First of all, their music is mind-numbingly bland. Somehow they have bred the most painful mix of the sounds of boring 90s alternative music, boring piano music, and boring boy band music. One listen to one of their new songs, and it already feels to me like I’ve heard it twelve thousand times. Maybe it’s anticipation pains. And their lyrics? Good God. Talk about contradictory, inane, dumb, whatever. Just off the top of my head-- “She smokes a pack a day, wait that’s me, but anyway”. What?! That makes no sense at all! That would be like if in the middle Fire and Rain, James Taylor sang, “I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain…I’ve seen three-legged women washing dishes…wait, just kidding, no I didn’t…I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end…” Good God. The entire bridge to Drops of Jupiter-- What?! Something about Kentucky Fried Chicken and mocha lattes. I think the writers themselves must have been fried to have written that. Calling All Angels-- This song has to be the worst song ever written. With a title like a bad country song and lyrics seemingly written by a two-year-old, this song BITES. Majorly. As far as I can tell, it’s an extremely watered-down ‘statement’ song. About everything. Worded as clumsily and banally as possible. Yippee! It’s just like Bono, if he were terrible and wrote lyrics that made no sense whatsoever!

Anyway, the point is (I’ll bet you were waiting for that ;)) , I’ve never met anyone who likes this band-- does anyone? If so, please tell me there’s some redeeming value to this band because I don’t think I can handle the thought that such a black hole of artistic awfulness exists.

2

Bono writing terrible lyrics? Well…

But yeah, Train is drek. :slight_smile:

3

I quite like “Drops of Jupiter,” actually – it’s especially amusing to imagine that Jupiter is the guy that the narrator’s girlfriend has been cheating with and the drops are leftover semen that she failed to wash out.

But I haven’t heard anything else by Train that interested me terribly. Very bland, indeed.

Fun fact: Former Black Crowes bassist Johnny Colt is now playing with Train. Now it appears, if the article I read is accurate, that he prefers to be just plain John Colt.

4

Did you fall from a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar?
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

I’m embarrased to admit that I liked Train once. I thought of them as kind of abstract aural artists, but then I realized that any damn fool can pour paint into the path of a jet engine exaust and splatter it onto a canvas, but that doesn’t make good art.

5

shrugs
I still like Drops of Jupiter. Songs like this don’t need to make sense to me lyrically. The accompanying CD is frankly disappointing though.

6

I did kinda like that Meet Virginia song at first. Realistically only because the waitress in the video was sort of a MILF, and certainly not enough to justify its massive overplay.