Varies by location.
I’m not super surprised if it’s the UK. The NHS covers it but is notorious for having really long lead times between trying to get help and getting HRT, like 1-2 years long. If you’re a trans teen hitting puberty and don’t want to go through the wrong one, the NHS is not a great place to be.
Similarly (though obviously not in the DIY category!), Canada is notorious for only having like… 2-3 doctors TOTAL doing GRS. It was news last year when a second hospital started doing it. I’ve heard Canadian trans girls often have 5-6 year wait times for bottom surgery (or at least did before the new hospital, haven’t heard since then).
Unfortunately as I said, a lot of people on websites like Tumblr seem to think that IS the case. I think it’s mostly just teenagers who are trying to explore new identities, and don’t understand the difference. There are people out there who legit claim that you don’t need to suffer from dysphoria to be trans.
I don’t understand how that would work, honestly.
So what you’re describing is a mix of a few phenomena. While I don’t doubt there are some dumb kids on Tumblr doing dumb kid things with misunderstandings, there’s also a lot of history here. That article Miller linked alluded to the old “gatekeeping” situation, and the “you don’t need dysphoria to be trans” angle is in many ways a reaction to that state of affairs.
The thing is, trans people still have to jump through an absurd, exhausting number of hoops to get basic trans care. HRT is a lot easier now, but any surgery still requires a lot of exhausting legwork. Especially when dealing with providers who provide services usually billed as “cosmetic” (such as facial plastic feminization surgery, or breast augmentation) but are recognized as often being medically necessary for binary trans people.
Add into that recent science on what transness “is” with brain scans, hormone imbalances, or whatever else, and people are worried about gatekeeping screening coming back. Get this MRI and this hormone panel and fill out this questionnaire to prove you’re really trans. In addition, as Serrano points out, there isn’t one “trans narrative”, there are a lot of them – people who didn’t realize until a late age, people who didn’t have the intense dysphoria some trans people have but found they’re happier socially transitioning nonetheless.
It all paints a picture where, regardless of what being trans actually is at a physical, mental, emotional, or philosophical level, the only identification of transness most trans people want to rely upon is self-identification, for very good, very solid historical reasons. Historical reasons that are very recent, and in many cases not entirely gone.
A big part of the LGBT+ world right now is trying to minimize old gatekeeping even within the community. Especially the exclusion of previously ignored groups like trans people, bi people, aro people, ace people, or others. And a focus on validating others’ experiences. Can this cause problems? Sure. Maybe it’s an overcorrection that will be steered back in time. But as it stands, I fully support the notion that gender identity and expression are intensely personal views into someone’s inner world that someone else just does not have the capacity to fully comprehend. If somebody says “I’m trans” and describes their experience, I really have no choice but to believe them even if it doesn’t align with the common experience*.
- Except in cases where they’re obviously acting in bad faith, like known right wing transphobes dressing in drag to own the libs.
Hey Jragon, you really laid it down there. As a cis-male who was already trans-positive (and jargon positive…) your post was really inspiring and great.
Kids? A lot of adults still don’t get this either.
I was “just” a tomboy growing up, but back in the early 1970’s that was a big deal and I was subjected to various things in order to make me more feminine. It didn’t take. I think the big fear was that because I had “masculine” interests I was a lesbian. I’m still a tomboy and still very heterosexual. At that, I didn’t have it too bad - I was never sent to a psychiatric hospital, for example, because I wasn’t lady-like enough.
But even now there are a lot of people in society who expect women to be girly-girls and men to be manly-men and those that aren’t are suspect.
And as a parent of a transgender child I completely agree. Fortunately in Canada we have access to many resources as part of our universal health care.
This has been a multi-year journey, with psychiatrists, social workers, family doctor and support from many, many levels, including most importantly family.
There are some very supportive and informed posts in this thread, unfortunately though some ill-informed and ignorant posts.
For those who are ignorant, do yourselves a favour and actually read some information regarding gender dysphoria before coming in here and posting merely opinions of which you clearly know nothing about.
And by the way, it’s not more common now than it was decades earlier, it’s just that people are more able to talk about it in today’s society: you know, like homosexuality.
Decades ago teenagers would rather commit suicide than tell their parents that they’re gay or transgender.
I’m pretty sure, as a parent, I know what I’d prefer.
ETA: And I’m fairly certain these are homosapien traits dating back to… forever.
Thanks for letting me know, but that is exactly how my non-binary daughterish defines herself. She presents female and likes girly things - but doesn’t find that the word woman is what she wants to be known as or fits her. That’s the case for many of her non-binary friends. And people get to define themselves. The world of gender is changing - fast - for the generation that is coming up - and dysphoria (God, I hate that word) is just part of it…other parts are the political/social construct of gender.
And that is one of the reasons its really important to have professionals work with people to determine if any sort of biological transitioning would be helpful - because the spectrum is a spectrum.
Thanks, Jragon, great post.
BTW, this just popped up in my friend’s feed and he shared it with a discord I’m in. CW for child abuse masquerading as medical treatment of trans people:
This was heartbreaking to read but I don’t understand why they think the only two choices are hormone therapy or electroshock therapy. I’m sitting here right now pondering on my child and the desire they have expressed to be a boy in gender. I’m scared to death for my child at this point because there are so many ugly bigots in the world and my child at this point clearly looks like a very well endowed female. I don’t know what to do when they are only 13 years old and already looks like a grown woman but wants to wear a suit and tie to the school dance and prefers nonbinary (I HOPE that’s the right term) pronouns. I’m trying. It’s really all so confusing to me. We already struggle because there is horrific social anxiety and auditory processing issues and autism to deal with. I would never do anything to harm them in any way, but I’m scared about hormones they are already on metformin, birth control and spiranolactone to deal with PCOS plus there’s the omeprazole for reflux and we’re probably going to add something for the crushing anxiety next month. So many pills already I worry about the potential long-term side effects of all those medications and I sure don’t want to add anything else, but is refusing hormone blockers the equivalence of electroshock therapy? I’m doing everything I know to do at this point. We do the support therapy for autism, they just recently joined GSA at school and feels more comfortable and I’m 100% supportive of any outward appearance and clothing changes, but honestly the clothing changes wouldn’t be much, as it’s always been tees and cotton pants/shorts due to the sensory issues. We live in such a deep red region I’m so scared of bullying and the shunning they have already experienced just by being a little different. When my child chose to wear a suit and tie to their last school dance there were definitely nasty hateful looks, mostly from adults, and one even asked “What are you supposed to be?” as if it was some sort of costume. I’m so worried about their future, and I really don’t feel comfortable with the hormone stuff yet. My child isn’t pushing it yet, thankfully, but I don’t know what exactly it blocks once they have a body like an adult already.
While the vast majority of parents would not want this for their child due to it making thhe child’s life harder, I think the people who are talking about their theybies actually would be thrilled if their kid turns out trans because it’d bring them even more attention.
I thank you for your heartfelt post but even more for your obvious love and concern for your child. My daughter is pretty cis but we have tried to educate her to know about and accept all identities and like your kid, she she has just joined the GSA. I understand your fears and I know they are legitimate–I can’t tell you how to best deal with them where you live. As for your child, again, I can’t tell you what to do except listen to what you’re hearing, don’t discount the feelings you hear nor turn away from them out of fear. There’s a place in the world for your child even in a red state.
This is a headline is search of a issue. “Let’s find a few parents with non-traditional views on gender identity and turn it into an NPR style chin stroker!”
You know what’s a real problem for children in the US? Poor people getting shit educations. Poor people of color getting shittier educations. Pitting parents of poor minorities against parents of “white” children in a contest for resources.
I don’t mean to say that parents of trans children don’t have real issues–what I am saying is that the concern over parents somehow FORCING their kids to be trans is…simply not a concern.
That and the parents of Desmond Napoles, aka “Desmond is Amazing” Whatever the kid’s inclinations are, the parents are no doubt exploiting that poor boy, and letting him hang around with people like Michael Alig is really fucked up.
I can’t agree there. I’m not saying it’s a huge, “OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW!!!” but these people definitely deserve a side-eye. Don’t experiment on your kids. Whether it’s something like this, unschooling, weird religious beliefs, etc – it’s going to make the news.
There are always going to be weirdo parents out there.
Jragon, that’s seriously disturbing. I thought ECT was regulated, so you like, you were put under? (NOT that conversion therapy should be used, mind you). Is this kind of crap still be done? 
Decades ago we didn’t even have a word for it. It happened but in most cultures nobody knew how to talk about it or who to talk about it with.
When I was little, we had several people in my class who “didn’t read right”; it wasn’t that they didn’t know the theory, or that they didn’t practice reading. They confused certain letters; different letters each. The appearance of the word dyslexia (which is just “doesn’t read right” but in Greek, so it’s clear and evidently something else than not knowing how to read) and the many information campaigns about it have made it easier for dyslexics to get diagnosed, for them to be able to get help, and for non-dyslexics to be willing and able to help.
The same has happened with several other situations. Regarding the whole “gender thing” we’re still coming up with the vocabulary; we’re constantly fighting a whole slew of gender issues from stereotypes to how the heck do you even define gender or how do you define someone’s gender. But we need to talk about it, partly in order to be able to come up with this whole pile of vocabulary that my grandparents had no idea might one day be necessary.
No, that’s not my post. Conversion therapy (which I’ve never been subject to) still exists, but it mostly takes the form of shitty abusive-but-not-so-much-the-feds-get-involved “find Jesus” camps. Electroshock exists, but is heavily regulated and largely has to be prescribed and voluntarily submitted to by an informed adult patient (it’s still used effectively, if rarely, for some things, just not conversion therapy). E: This is in the US, I can’t speak for other countries.
What that post was getting at is that when TERFs and conservatives talk about how trans people shouldn’t get HRT because it’s “feeding a mental illness” or even just “we don’t know what effects those drugs may have”, if you read between the lines this “reparative therapy” means “let’s go back to the state of affairs when this was the case”. I’m not accusing anyone here of this, necessarily, but I’d like to put the history of “fixing trans-related symptoms with means other than social and/or medical transition” in context.
I so feel for you! When my daughter asked to wear a dress to a school dance I was terrified someone would take a baseball bat to her. She did, no one did, and we’re mostly good most of the time. It does get easier. Living in a very liberal state helps a lot though.
It seems like autistic kids are somewhat more likely to be gender variant than neuro-typical kids. Can you find a therapist who is knowledgeable about both? Please take advantage of online sources for national transgender organizations since you live in such a red area and feel free to PM me if I can be of any support.
Yeah, having a trans kid is cool. All the extra worrying is cool. The constant second guessing yourself is cool. All the stares and hateful comments from strangers are cool. Wondering if your kid will be the target of a hate crime is especially cool.