I’d be sweating bullets for THAT kick! But point taken, I was going to change that, but kept it to let the furriners think all positions were manly.
So far, the most cogent thought I have gleaned from this thread is that it is the only activity in life where one of the parties will not mind being called “offensive”.
Have I got that bit right?
Absolutely correct! (completely off-topic: what’s unique about baseball? It’s the only team sport in which the defense has possession of the ball at all times.)
Without visual aids, no explanation of football (or, for that matter, cricket, soccer, whatever) is adequate to impart understanding. You’ll just have to move to the U.S. (or start grabbing the satellite feeds), and spend a few years vegetating on your sofa for the better part of every late summer through early winter weekend. Thus will you grow great in wisdom!
Early Out
as well as other parts of the lower anatomy ???
I have the sattelite feeds, but it’s as useful as a cushion to a corpse. They only speak the language I’m trying to get translated. We’re going round in circles here. 
They don’t call ‘em “couch potatoes” for nothin’!